Why do I always go for the toxic guy?
Answer:
'Cuz the rebel is always more attractive to the younger set - 'cuz you tend to feel a bit rebellious yourself toward society's more onerous rules and regulations. Pushing the limits is how young people grow and mature - but it's also essential that they learn self-control and how to judge the difference between innovative, creative guys and losers. The creative guys are the ones who lead us to better conditions for all, while the losers - well, I think you know where that line of thought ends up...
Why is not as important as: How do I stop going for the toxic guy. Answer: build your self esteem, realize and believe you deserve better. Raise your expectations, you deserve someone honest, loving and dedicated.
cos you want to change them ? forget it, you will only end up getting hurt !
From a psychological standpoint, you seek out men that represent issues you have had with your father, usually when you were growing up. For example, let's say he was always emotionally distant with you. You subconsciously seek out men who are emotionally distant, because this gives you a chance to confront the same problems you had with your father in a different setting.
Having said all that, that might not be the one particular reason you keep ending up with a certain type of person. It's just the most common reason.
As for how to avoid going back to that same type of guy over and over, I have no idea. Being a guy myself I'm not too sure how to avoid falling for the wrong man.
Been there, done that THRICE.
I guess for my case (at least), I didn't think that anyone would like me.
So for a guy to actually like me meant that I should be utterly grateful...
The irony is that because I felt so utterly grateful...I ended up choking the relationship...thus dooming the relationships...
So yeappers, the only way to learn from it is to build up my low self-esteem...and when the time is right (been single for a year & a half), I HOPE (cross my fingers) that I won't be THAT dumb to fall for another toxic guy. Coz I think I do deserve better...
If you believe in the concept of karma (as I do) then you, like all of us, have reincarnated into this life to learn or gain something specific from it.
Therefore, we attract to ourselves - and are, ourselves, attracted to - those people and/or types of people who can best help us achieve these goals.
I do not know what constitutes your definition of a "toxic guy", but if you find yourself repeatedly attracted to this same type, then there IS a reason for it. There is something you are supposed to learn or gain from your association with this type of guy.
Since it is a type you find unpleasant, they are certainly NOT intended role models - people you should learn any kind of behavior patterns from - so the needed lesson may be something like how to prevent yourself from being victimized or intimidated by this type. It could be "balancing the scales" for an earlier life in which YOU, yourself, were what you define as a "toxic guy", but that is not as likely as people think. Contrary to popular opinion, karma is far more about learning and spiritually progressing than it is about "payback".
Your best bet is to see a hypnotherapist who does past-life and between-lives regressions. It is the best and quickest way to get at the answer. (In some cases, just making contact with the life in which the problem originated is enough to make it go away.)
Most likely it DOES have to do with father-issues.
But isn't the more important question how to break this pattern?
I recommend you take a break from romantic involvements for a few years (yes, I said years, and yes, you'll survive).
This will give you a chance to really reflect on your relationships and gain perspective, rather than reeling from guy to guy.
It also gives you an opportunity to learn that you don't NEED to have a guy in your life.
When you lose that notion, you'll be in a better position to make wiser choices.
Then, in the future, when you see indications of toxicity, you'll be better able to avoid getting involved with them, and you'll be more likely to notice allthe guys who aren't so toxic.
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