If you're an indecisive person how do you make your mind up?
Answer:
I was wondering whether to answer this question or not. Should I or shouldn't I? I wished I could make my mind up and stop being so damn indecisive. And therein lay my answer. My mind was made up and I became decisive, focused and determined to er...erm...what was it now?...Oh yes, write something. Have that glass of lemonade handy, scorpionbabe, this one's a bit of a read....please don't fall asleep on me...sleep..ah yes, I must get some...but hey, I digress.
You have stipulated that this question is centred around your personal relationships rather than on general topics (and you comment that you are usually decisive when it comes to those). Bearing those words in mind, I would, first and foremost, question why this is? Why do you feel so confident and self-assured when answering questions on here for example? There are plenty of answers I have read from you which display a mature and intelligent outlook on life. You seem balanced in your approach and you do not appear afraid to voice your opinion. This shows that you are not after 'brownie points' and desperate to be liked by all and sundry.
So, why the apparent dilemma or difference when it comes to your personal relationship? Here's something you might like to try. Get a sheet of blank paper. Draw a line straight down the middle. On one side, have the heading 'Personal' and on the other, have the heading 'General' Ask yourself some questions and write answers under both headings. Examples of questions/statements might be:
If I think something is wrong/incorrect, I will say so.
If I feel strongly about an issue, I will voice my opinion.
When I like something, I will let the other person know.
Do I keep quiet when actually, I want to speak?
When I do something, do I do this for myself?
Am I always right?
Is the other person listening to me and do I receive a considered response?
Do I listen to the other person and do I consider my response?
What can help me to change my mind?
Why do I say or do what I say or do?
I'm sure you can come up with even better ones yourself. There's also lots of other ways you can evaluate a relationship and sometimes a brief analysis of you and yours can help but don't get too hung up on these aspects - at least not to the extent that you worry or unduly stress about things for hours on end. There is always an argument over whether the heart should rule the head or vice-versa. There is also the old adage about 'gut instinct' (I think saturnfive or someone else referred to 'sixth sense'). Common sense can always be applied, but we must be careful not to allow emotive topics to cloud our judgement (I'm a culprit here sometimes, but it's something I'm working on...lol).
It's never easy to advise someone like this as the full picture is not always apparent. This is something that only YOU have access to. Use your knowledge of the situation and take any relevant advice - discard the rest. Self-esteem has been mentioned by someone as well and this is a critical factor in any successful relationship but also, in life in general.
Do what you believe to be right and have the courage of your convictions. Stand firm and be content with yourself. Love yourself for what you are but also recognise your weaknesses. Work on those weaknesses but don't forget your strengths. Cement your stengths and build your weaknesses into strengths. Don't be afraid to address issues. Leave them and they remain. Deal with them and they can be resolved. If they cannot.then decide why not and address that. Utilise friends and family if need be.
Lots to ponder (sorry!!) but I hope at least a sentence or two of what I wrote helps in some miniscule way.
Stay strong, be decisive, but most of all, BE HAPPY.
I wish you all the luck in the world and every happiness.
DT.
x
Edit:
Thanks saturnfive - we may not agree on the McCanns but I have shedloads of respect for you on your stance against racists. You also give credit where credit is due and if it had not been for lexy, we nearly snared you.lol.
P.S. Lol at Happy Murcia's answer - I'm single mate, otherwise that would probably have been my answer too.lol
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I ask my husband some times to make the decision for me. Even my eight year old son. I am cr*p at times! If not what ever it is i am trying to decide on doesn't get decided!?
sometimes its about self esteem.
and/or knowing yourself and what you want.
work on those and the rest will follow.
you are a scorpio same as me --go on your gut instinct, you wont go far wrong
Since you are referring to your private life or decisions about relationships, you are probably having difficulty deciding because of a conflict between your rational mind and your emotions. When you step back from a situation and think it through, you will often make the better choice. Your problem may be happening when you start letting your emotions cloud your judgment, which may cause you to change your mind. For example, when you look at a bad relationship rationally you may see all the crappy things a person does to you and realize you deserve better. However, if you are in the presence of that person you may start to think of the good things about them and slowly start to push the negatives into the background.
My advice would be to figure out whether you are thinking with your heart or your mind. I would often choose the mind, especially if you have followed your heart a few times and regretted it later on.
It is normal for women to change their mind about many things.
It does not mean that you are indecisive.
It just means that you are smart enough to think of other options.
Now, Smile and feel good about yourself like you should be doing.
sometimes we think that being flexible is indecosive where in it is not, we women use to change plans a lot that makes us flexible we have something to make things go even in a bad situation..in terms of really being indecisive i ask my self or my freinds the pros and cons of the situition and it really helps a lot, in the end i still choose to decide...
I don't know, let me think about it and I'll get back to you.
Hi scorpionbabe
I have more than a few miles on the clock ( wont say how many)
And i have found the following helps me.
1, When in Doubt Dont.
2. If it feel wrong it usually is
3. If it feels right it usually is
Without getting mushy, follow and trust both your heart and instincts, its our sixth sense and one that we have albut lost.
Respect.
Edit.
DTeacher
Not my question I know but just had to say what a great answer.
It seems you regret having made a relationship change.
If so remember this: we stick to people(and behaviour patterns) totally from familiarity. That's why we make the same mistakes over and over again and pick the wrong people for us too often.
It's fear and only fear that makes us "feel" we've made a mistake. Feeling is the biochemical reaction we have from going against what our subconscious believes to be true.
Like a drug addict "feels right" continuing taking drugs, hence adictions of all kinds.
There's no such thing as a mistake if the intention was good.
You're allowed experimentation, we all want better, happier lives and the only way is to try new things instead of sometimes settling for whatever's familiar.
For example, it's familiar and therefore "normal" for kids in iraq, afganistan, israel etc, to wake to the sound of bombs, guns and killings. This comes from accepting repetition as "normal".
From an outside perspective we see it as undesireable.
So whatever happens, don't beat yourself up for wanting an improvement in your life. Sometimes accepting better seems "wrong" simply from being less familiar. See battered wife syndrome for example, they stay with an abuser, from fear.
Maybe you're missing being in a "comfortable rut" as it was easier. A rut is a rut and better is better but not necasarily easier.
In short, love yourself and regret nothing, lifes too short.
with your brain
I too am 'extremely' indecisive, mine is caused by a head injury though. The solution is easy, toss a coin and force yourself to stick with the result, no matter what happens. Then, the hardest decision that you have to make is deciding which side of the coin to allocate to which option.
I am a person who is reduced to hours of indecision when asked how many sugars I want in my coffee. Honestly! Just flip the coin and stick with it. Probability dictates that you'll make the best choice at least half the time.
Hi Scorpionbabe,
i think the fact that you keep changing your mind is that you are not being indecisive, but that you are unsure. I always thiink that the old adage 'when in doubt do nothing'is good advice. It seems that now is not the time to make a serious decision. While you are doing nothing and making no decisions, lol, you can assess your relationship, work out what's good and what's bad and see if there is anything you can do about any problems you have. It may well be that not trying to make a decision you will take pressure off yourself and things may resolve themselves naturally.
All relationships go through dodgy patches and sometimes it is better to ride the storm than take a step which you will later regret. For the moment though, don't think too far ahead. The fact that you keep changing your mind probably means that things are not so bad after all. I do hope that things work out for you babes.
My wife does it for me..
I am exactly like you! what i do is write down all the positives and negatives then make a decision and stick to it! Good luck
quiet your mind and go with your intuition. When we decide if we want something at the first millisecond we get an answer like a sudden YES or nO. That is the real you speaking, listent to that above all else
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