Needs ideas on husbands neglecting behavior?
I have had ongoing problems for years with my husband and control, seeking dominance over me and our children, but I think I have come out of the dark the past couple of years as to what he is doing and how to get around it to maintain my independence and self respect while I figure out how to end this relationship safely and financially for my childrens sake. Right now, I see his grasping at financial control more than ever to maintain his sense of dominance...its all he has left basically. He is refusing to pay his childrens dental bills, health insurance, provide money for school clothes. He will come across occasionally with $100 or so for gas and some groceries (there are 5 children involved). He says that unless his demands are met on how he is treated in this family, he will not pay nothing. Then, he says he is the man of the house and he will pay everything that needs to be bought and provided in his own way..whatever that means. Mean ing if he sees fit. Opionions please.
Answer:
sack him
He should have some input on how the family is run. If he doesn't have any input, why should he pay?
Kick his a** to the curb, and then go file child support on him. He will pay or go to jail. Your kids come first.
Your husband does not respect you or trust you to be his equal partner. With five children to support, you need to make some choices. Do you try to improve your marriage partnership, or do you leave and start all over?
My first choice would be to try to save the marriage with some counseling. If "Mr. Control" won't go to counceling, or won't try to see BOTH sides of this situation. then it's option 2.
But don't leave angry and bitter. Remember, you once thought that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this man. He has a lot on his mind as well. Tell him as kindly as possible you cannot change him, you can only change yourself, and you want him to be happy no matter where he lives.
From your description, your husband sounds like a textbook narcissus, which means he will never change and a narcissus is so bent on having things their way that you could end up on the short end of the stick. A narcissus will go to great lengths to make you 'wrong' and even make you look foolish. If you want to examine the profile of a narcissus, look it up on Wikipedia.com. My opinion is to get good legal advise, and do whatever you can to protect yourself. Best of luck.
Does he have a weapon? Can you leave the house?? Do you have evidence of verbal or physical abuse?? Contact DHHR and the Spousal abuse agency in your area. Plan to leave while the kids are in school and go get them or better yet, go to school ahead of time and allow someone else DHHR to pick them up.DO NOT TELL DHHR YOU ARE PLANNING TO ESCAPE WITH YOUR KIDS, IT'S NOT LEGAL. Your husband is a narcissistic sociopath. Unfortunately he reminds me of a killer who killed his whole family and left and wasn't found for 30 yrs. Your atty will take care of everything, your husband will be paying for everything. You need a hiding place until this is over and then you need to move far away so he can't find you. You don't want him to have any contact with the kids, you may need the underground railroad system to get away. I know this is frightening but it beats the terror you may feel if he decides to kill your children as a control tactic. I am sorry this is so blunt but... read my credentials below
Go speak with an attorney. If you end up filing for divorce, don't let him know you are filing, or he will hide his money and other assets from you. Make sure your attorney puts a clause in the papers that states that your husband cannot sell, hide, or liquidate any assets. Since you have no income, your husband would be required to pay your attorney's fees.
I think you need to show him that you mean business and will not be controlled anymore. You can always stop the divorce proceedings if you choose to.
Find out from your attorney how much you will receive in alimony and child support. It might be more than you are being given now. On the other hand, it might be less. If it's all about money, do your homework so you can get as much as possible. Once there is a "court order", he HAS to pay you what he was ordered to pay you, or he is in contempt of court and can & will be arrested.
He's not a very nice person. I could never live that way. I hope everything works out for the best for you. This is an incredibly difficult situation for you to be in.
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Answer:
sack him
He should have some input on how the family is run. If he doesn't have any input, why should he pay?
Kick his a** to the curb, and then go file child support on him. He will pay or go to jail. Your kids come first.
Your husband does not respect you or trust you to be his equal partner. With five children to support, you need to make some choices. Do you try to improve your marriage partnership, or do you leave and start all over?
My first choice would be to try to save the marriage with some counseling. If "Mr. Control" won't go to counceling, or won't try to see BOTH sides of this situation. then it's option 2.
But don't leave angry and bitter. Remember, you once thought that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this man. He has a lot on his mind as well. Tell him as kindly as possible you cannot change him, you can only change yourself, and you want him to be happy no matter where he lives.
From your description, your husband sounds like a textbook narcissus, which means he will never change and a narcissus is so bent on having things their way that you could end up on the short end of the stick. A narcissus will go to great lengths to make you 'wrong' and even make you look foolish. If you want to examine the profile of a narcissus, look it up on Wikipedia.com. My opinion is to get good legal advise, and do whatever you can to protect yourself. Best of luck.
Does he have a weapon? Can you leave the house?? Do you have evidence of verbal or physical abuse?? Contact DHHR and the Spousal abuse agency in your area. Plan to leave while the kids are in school and go get them or better yet, go to school ahead of time and allow someone else DHHR to pick them up.DO NOT TELL DHHR YOU ARE PLANNING TO ESCAPE WITH YOUR KIDS, IT'S NOT LEGAL. Your husband is a narcissistic sociopath. Unfortunately he reminds me of a killer who killed his whole family and left and wasn't found for 30 yrs. Your atty will take care of everything, your husband will be paying for everything. You need a hiding place until this is over and then you need to move far away so he can't find you. You don't want him to have any contact with the kids, you may need the underground railroad system to get away. I know this is frightening but it beats the terror you may feel if he decides to kill your children as a control tactic. I am sorry this is so blunt but... read my credentials below
Go speak with an attorney. If you end up filing for divorce, don't let him know you are filing, or he will hide his money and other assets from you. Make sure your attorney puts a clause in the papers that states that your husband cannot sell, hide, or liquidate any assets. Since you have no income, your husband would be required to pay your attorney's fees.
I think you need to show him that you mean business and will not be controlled anymore. You can always stop the divorce proceedings if you choose to.
Find out from your attorney how much you will receive in alimony and child support. It might be more than you are being given now. On the other hand, it might be less. If it's all about money, do your homework so you can get as much as possible. Once there is a "court order", he HAS to pay you what he was ordered to pay you, or he is in contempt of court and can & will be arrested.
He's not a very nice person. I could never live that way. I hope everything works out for the best for you. This is an incredibly difficult situation for you to be in.
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