I want what I can't have...Is it normal?
I'm 15, and I've noticed a pattern in my life. It happens mostly with guys. I'll see a guy and really like him and be all out there. Being funny, impressing him, and all that stuff. But, once he likes me, I instantly can not stand him. And, I've tried just making myself keep likeing him, but it's basically impossible. My dad abandoned me when I was 11 and was never.a very good father. I read that sometimes has to do with these kind of things. Does it? Do I just have to get over this issue? I've seen therapists in the past, for some stuff for my parents divorce a few years ago, but I never felt comfortable to bring this kinda stuff up. So seeking professional help is kind of out of the question. So, how I can I get past this? Thanks in advance.
Answer:
On a psychological standpoint, your relationship problems may have to deal with the fact of your father leaving you. You may be afraid that the person you love will abandon you and is afraid of commitment. You must get over the fact that what happened between your father and your family is not an omen of what is to happen in your love life. It is YOU that makes your own decisions and lead your own life. I understand what happened between you and your father is traumatic and will probably leave a scar but never forget that who you fall in love with is not your father, and will not follow the same patterns. Trust in yourself, and don't fear the past.
I personally don't think it has anything to do with your dad abandoning you and all. It's just human nature that we want what we can't have, and eventually not appreciate it once we have it. It happens to all of us, that's why contentment is very hard to find, or rather achieve. You're only 15, and that's just a part of growing. I'm 18 and I'm still like that.
Well, to answer your question, yes it's normal. You're fine! Don't worry, one day you'll find that one true love that you won't get tired of! :)
*Edit*
You'll get past it if you learn to be content with what you have- which I guess because we're humans is almost impossible, but some people still get to find that contentment. Goodluck! As I said, you're only 15, you have so much ahead of you!
Well why dont you go againist what you normally do and just let the crush or wonder take over you. Because if you know that hey I can have this person like me, but you know what your not letting yourself like the other person. I went through the same thing as a teen and I got over it by letting what I want to do and what I know will happen just happen if it was ment to be. I had used to say something over and over again in my head. If you love something let it go if it comes back its yours. Now this can mean a bunch of things to many different people and to me it ment that if I did this and lost me again like the rest just step back and see with my heart instead of my head a bit more.
I had loved a man once that I let go and I still to this day havent talked to him. I hope one day he will walk into my life out of the blue. I do know where he works at right now cause I still talk to my friends that know him and see him all the time. Without bringing him up his name pops up in a conversation and I wonder if the same happens to him. All I can do is sit back and look around me and say yeah I can do that, but do I really need to. No, I dont have to. I will let it go and move on. What you need to do is be you and not what you think you should be for another person that is how I learned. I had to let a man go that I loved so much. I dont know if all this helps even just a bit but its what I have learned that helps me out. You also have to remember one thing in your life. See I have traveled so much my own best friend dont know where I live at times. I have learned that Family and Real Friends will always be there for you no matter where you go or what you do. Keep them close and be yourself not what you think you should be.
It very well could have to do with abandonment or you could just be a 15 year old that likes to flirt but doesn't want a commitment.
In the future be cautious because sometimes the abandoned turns into the abandoner but with awareness, you can solve most issues.
Look into Borderline personality disorder
You are still young so you might not notice it now but if you start to notice it in the future, grow aware of your behaviors and take action.
My opinion it is a fear of abandonment, being disappointed, and being rejected all rolled up in one. The good thing is that you identified it now instead of being late twenty something, 30 something or 40 something with failed relationships behind you.
So what do you do about it. Honestly your anger is with your dad and you are going to have to confront him about how he made you feel when he left you. He may not even care and may blow you off; however, my opinion if you don't you will continue to sabotage your relationships by ultimately not letting any guy close.
Once you confront him and how ever it goes you have to make peace with it and let it go if you don't you are just going to yourself miserable.
Again in my opinion somewhere in the back of your mined you believe you don't deserve to be liked and probably believe that if a guy is actually interested in you something must be wrong with him.
Back to making peace and letting go there are no easy answers spirituality is a good course of action. Reconnect with your faith what ever it is or find a new one.
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Answer:
On a psychological standpoint, your relationship problems may have to deal with the fact of your father leaving you. You may be afraid that the person you love will abandon you and is afraid of commitment. You must get over the fact that what happened between your father and your family is not an omen of what is to happen in your love life. It is YOU that makes your own decisions and lead your own life. I understand what happened between you and your father is traumatic and will probably leave a scar but never forget that who you fall in love with is not your father, and will not follow the same patterns. Trust in yourself, and don't fear the past.
I personally don't think it has anything to do with your dad abandoning you and all. It's just human nature that we want what we can't have, and eventually not appreciate it once we have it. It happens to all of us, that's why contentment is very hard to find, or rather achieve. You're only 15, and that's just a part of growing. I'm 18 and I'm still like that.
Well, to answer your question, yes it's normal. You're fine! Don't worry, one day you'll find that one true love that you won't get tired of! :)
*Edit*
You'll get past it if you learn to be content with what you have- which I guess because we're humans is almost impossible, but some people still get to find that contentment. Goodluck! As I said, you're only 15, you have so much ahead of you!
Well why dont you go againist what you normally do and just let the crush or wonder take over you. Because if you know that hey I can have this person like me, but you know what your not letting yourself like the other person. I went through the same thing as a teen and I got over it by letting what I want to do and what I know will happen just happen if it was ment to be. I had used to say something over and over again in my head. If you love something let it go if it comes back its yours. Now this can mean a bunch of things to many different people and to me it ment that if I did this and lost me again like the rest just step back and see with my heart instead of my head a bit more.
I had loved a man once that I let go and I still to this day havent talked to him. I hope one day he will walk into my life out of the blue. I do know where he works at right now cause I still talk to my friends that know him and see him all the time. Without bringing him up his name pops up in a conversation and I wonder if the same happens to him. All I can do is sit back and look around me and say yeah I can do that, but do I really need to. No, I dont have to. I will let it go and move on. What you need to do is be you and not what you think you should be for another person that is how I learned. I had to let a man go that I loved so much. I dont know if all this helps even just a bit but its what I have learned that helps me out. You also have to remember one thing in your life. See I have traveled so much my own best friend dont know where I live at times. I have learned that Family and Real Friends will always be there for you no matter where you go or what you do. Keep them close and be yourself not what you think you should be.
It very well could have to do with abandonment or you could just be a 15 year old that likes to flirt but doesn't want a commitment.
In the future be cautious because sometimes the abandoned turns into the abandoner but with awareness, you can solve most issues.
Look into Borderline personality disorder
You are still young so you might not notice it now but if you start to notice it in the future, grow aware of your behaviors and take action.
My opinion it is a fear of abandonment, being disappointed, and being rejected all rolled up in one. The good thing is that you identified it now instead of being late twenty something, 30 something or 40 something with failed relationships behind you.
So what do you do about it. Honestly your anger is with your dad and you are going to have to confront him about how he made you feel when he left you. He may not even care and may blow you off; however, my opinion if you don't you will continue to sabotage your relationships by ultimately not letting any guy close.
Once you confront him and how ever it goes you have to make peace with it and let it go if you don't you are just going to yourself miserable.
Again in my opinion somewhere in the back of your mined you believe you don't deserve to be liked and probably believe that if a guy is actually interested in you something must be wrong with him.
Back to making peace and letting go there are no easy answers spirituality is a good course of action. Reconnect with your faith what ever it is or find a new one.
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