It's making me Crazy!?
I'm simply bothered by the fact that when I was still a kid, maybe in elementary no maybe in grade school? but it's before middle school-- A high school girl wanted to kiss me on my lips, well at least thats what I remember! On the lips? but she wanted to kiss me and I just refused and I ran away- and that is what im bothered about, I kept thinking about it.
Maybe I was just scared and plus I was just a little kid right? but i'm thinking what would I be right now if I didn't refuse it? I'm still worried about the fact that I refused! I could have had my first kiss when I was a kid! and could have beaten my friends into having the firstest first kiss! That is what bothers me! And I think i'm making it all up in porn- My self-esteem brittles down when I meet a girl and theres not alot of girls to talk around, there are! but the world just seems smaller- I'm Filipino and a guy, i'm 15 living in California, the Valley? and ethnicity doesnt play a part in hooking up right? confidence does? I know I got looks because people still think i'm 14! and some girls tend to stare at me at sometimes, well maybe not at me but i'd like to think they did! but what if they didn't? but hey I love it!
Anyway about that first kiss, yea I never had one and thats why I regret and get bothered by it. I somehow need a good reason or just an analysis- its keeping me crazy I guess...
Answer:
Yea, you're the typical human being. Filled with self doubts, not sure of whats going on. It's normal, believe me. I'm at the ripe old age of 16 myself. Don't worry about the first kiss thing, especially because you probably want your first kiss to be something special, not just a crazy stunt you managed to pull to brag to your friends.
Im 16, still waiting on my first kiss, but I'm not too too worried. I'm sure she's out there, but let me tell ya what: Its a royal pain in the * trying to find her. Once thats out of the way, though, its all good.
On the topic of self-doubts about various things, remember this quote:
"The main problem with this world is that fools and fanatics are so sure of themselves, while good people are so often filled with doubt."
I think its Churchill, not 100% tho. Still a good quote.
Hey. First things first- I value your courage to speak openly and so well. You are very aware of who you are and that's is important.
Ask yourself this: what makes you valuable? what makes you worth loving? No one can answer this but you. No one can give or take away your value but you. Who you are is not based on your experiences but how you view yourself. Having a first kiss kiss at 5, 15, 25 whatever does not make you who you are. Having that experience would make things easier only because you have given girls the power to give you worth. Possibly.
Porn is only helping you disconnect because you are afraid to try again. Are you playing the game or sitting on the bench, watching everyone else play?
This is what you can do:
Make a list of what you love about yourself. What are you grateful for? Focus on what you are grateful for and you will receive more of it. Focus on never having kissed a girl and you will always send that worry to those around you.
Then- plan on speaking to 1 girl a day. Then maybe 2. And so on. Get comfortable with the connection and with possible rejection. But do not expect an outcome. Be there just to connect and miracles can happen.
Plus- at 15, nothing makes any sense and you are a little crazy. It the hormones. Life will seem as if it is spinning out of control sometimes, other times you'll feel like no one understands you. Always write a list of what you are grateful to keep in perspective how many great things are happening.
Kissing a girl is just the frosting... but who is going to bake the cake?
Cheesy but... seriously- who has the power to make you lovable and frosting worthy? It is all in your own hands.
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Maybe I was just scared and plus I was just a little kid right? but i'm thinking what would I be right now if I didn't refuse it? I'm still worried about the fact that I refused! I could have had my first kiss when I was a kid! and could have beaten my friends into having the firstest first kiss! That is what bothers me! And I think i'm making it all up in porn- My self-esteem brittles down when I meet a girl and theres not alot of girls to talk around, there are! but the world just seems smaller- I'm Filipino and a guy, i'm 15 living in California, the Valley? and ethnicity doesnt play a part in hooking up right? confidence does? I know I got looks because people still think i'm 14! and some girls tend to stare at me at sometimes, well maybe not at me but i'd like to think they did! but what if they didn't? but hey I love it!
Anyway about that first kiss, yea I never had one and thats why I regret and get bothered by it. I somehow need a good reason or just an analysis- its keeping me crazy I guess...
Answer:
Yea, you're the typical human being. Filled with self doubts, not sure of whats going on. It's normal, believe me. I'm at the ripe old age of 16 myself. Don't worry about the first kiss thing, especially because you probably want your first kiss to be something special, not just a crazy stunt you managed to pull to brag to your friends.
Im 16, still waiting on my first kiss, but I'm not too too worried. I'm sure she's out there, but let me tell ya what: Its a royal pain in the * trying to find her. Once thats out of the way, though, its all good.
On the topic of self-doubts about various things, remember this quote:
"The main problem with this world is that fools and fanatics are so sure of themselves, while good people are so often filled with doubt."
I think its Churchill, not 100% tho. Still a good quote.
Hey. First things first- I value your courage to speak openly and so well. You are very aware of who you are and that's is important.
Ask yourself this: what makes you valuable? what makes you worth loving? No one can answer this but you. No one can give or take away your value but you. Who you are is not based on your experiences but how you view yourself. Having a first kiss kiss at 5, 15, 25 whatever does not make you who you are. Having that experience would make things easier only because you have given girls the power to give you worth. Possibly.
Porn is only helping you disconnect because you are afraid to try again. Are you playing the game or sitting on the bench, watching everyone else play?
This is what you can do:
Make a list of what you love about yourself. What are you grateful for? Focus on what you are grateful for and you will receive more of it. Focus on never having kissed a girl and you will always send that worry to those around you.
Then- plan on speaking to 1 girl a day. Then maybe 2. And so on. Get comfortable with the connection and with possible rejection. But do not expect an outcome. Be there just to connect and miracles can happen.
Plus- at 15, nothing makes any sense and you are a little crazy. It the hormones. Life will seem as if it is spinning out of control sometimes, other times you'll feel like no one understands you. Always write a list of what you are grateful to keep in perspective how many great things are happening.
Kissing a girl is just the frosting... but who is going to bake the cake?
Cheesy but... seriously- who has the power to make you lovable and frosting worthy? It is all in your own hands.
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