Odd Girl Out?
I've always felt like the odd girl out in most social situations, and was the odd girl out for critical parts of my life.
This now seems to follow me to the workplace and I'm not sure how to break it.
I just know that most women in my age group (30-40) don't accept me, think I'm "too nice" and may take it that I'm stupid or naive, which I may be in some ways, to some extent.
I missed out on lots of social opportunities mainly because I was afraid of being targeted as an odd girl out and I feel I wear this shame with me.
When you lack social skills, it's hard to cover up this deficit when you meet new people or talk with most people for a long time (beyond small talk).
What mindset and thought processes should I start adopting? What is the healthy way of following the unspoken "politics" of a workplace? I feel so clueless on the basics of life and social skills and about how and who to be.
Answer:
..The key is to show genuine interest in others. Don't just show up when you want something. Ask about them regularly. Do more listening than talking. You may learn things about them that surprise and delight you. Maybe some common ground...raw material for friendship!
Share some of yourself...you don't have to reveal everything, you can be selective and reveal safe details. Ask some of the others if they would like to meet for lunch or a drink after work. Show that you care, be a team player...which means, be cooperative and helpful at work, don't just do what serves your interests. This is the personal side of work. You will become a real person to them, and then they'll accept you and like you.
Just because you were odd before, doesn't mean you have to be one now...Start by telling yourself daily that you ARE DIFFERENT. God made YOU. You have to understand and embrace yourself, find out what you're good at. And then, step your game up. If you see someone walking by, say "Hey!" Or, if there's a risk out there, take it. It's all about being brave and overcoming your fear. You will attract your friends. Be yourself...
when I was a child, I was diturbed by not fitting in, no matter what I did, I was always somehow different... in time I learned to value my differences... now I'm a unique individual... I wouldn't know how to begin following unspoken politics... and I could tell which people like me and which don't... and I could care less about those who don't. and as far as those who think you're stupid, they always underestimate you... leaving you with the advantage your whole life. I don't have nothing to prove, so if they chose to prove me stupid, they fail.
STAY AWAAAAAAYYY!!
And be yourself cause when you pretend to be someone else it's a waste of the person you are.
There must be some people that don't make you feel odd, with all the rest just have a small talk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptd_zfxxd...
You know sweetheart i was just like you, when i first started to my job work, I was soo shy, I did not want to talk to anybody, and I shyed away from their social activities, and kept to myself on special occasions, It took me years to strut my stuff, Well One occassion I did become in work politics, I went behind my bosses back and told another Gal in confindant that my boss put her down and told her that the boss told me in a jokingly way that she was a whore, She was crushed for days, It turned out that My boss got very angry with me, Then I cried, All i wanted to do was fit in, Soo I took it from there, then a wise old lady told me one day, to stick to yourself, And be yourself and people would love you even more, and one day you will have alot of soc ials to go to, Soo my advice is to BE YOURSELF, NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE
You should read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Do some internet research on social shyness or read some books about it.
If you don't find the answers, seek a therapist. Life's too short to feel this way.
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This now seems to follow me to the workplace and I'm not sure how to break it.
I just know that most women in my age group (30-40) don't accept me, think I'm "too nice" and may take it that I'm stupid or naive, which I may be in some ways, to some extent.
I missed out on lots of social opportunities mainly because I was afraid of being targeted as an odd girl out and I feel I wear this shame with me.
When you lack social skills, it's hard to cover up this deficit when you meet new people or talk with most people for a long time (beyond small talk).
What mindset and thought processes should I start adopting? What is the healthy way of following the unspoken "politics" of a workplace? I feel so clueless on the basics of life and social skills and about how and who to be.
Answer:
..The key is to show genuine interest in others. Don't just show up when you want something. Ask about them regularly. Do more listening than talking. You may learn things about them that surprise and delight you. Maybe some common ground...raw material for friendship!
Share some of yourself...you don't have to reveal everything, you can be selective and reveal safe details. Ask some of the others if they would like to meet for lunch or a drink after work. Show that you care, be a team player...which means, be cooperative and helpful at work, don't just do what serves your interests. This is the personal side of work. You will become a real person to them, and then they'll accept you and like you.
Just because you were odd before, doesn't mean you have to be one now...Start by telling yourself daily that you ARE DIFFERENT. God made YOU. You have to understand and embrace yourself, find out what you're good at. And then, step your game up. If you see someone walking by, say "Hey!" Or, if there's a risk out there, take it. It's all about being brave and overcoming your fear. You will attract your friends. Be yourself...
when I was a child, I was diturbed by not fitting in, no matter what I did, I was always somehow different... in time I learned to value my differences... now I'm a unique individual... I wouldn't know how to begin following unspoken politics... and I could tell which people like me and which don't... and I could care less about those who don't. and as far as those who think you're stupid, they always underestimate you... leaving you with the advantage your whole life. I don't have nothing to prove, so if they chose to prove me stupid, they fail.
STAY AWAAAAAAYYY!!
And be yourself cause when you pretend to be someone else it's a waste of the person you are.
There must be some people that don't make you feel odd, with all the rest just have a small talk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptd_zfxxd...
You know sweetheart i was just like you, when i first started to my job work, I was soo shy, I did not want to talk to anybody, and I shyed away from their social activities, and kept to myself on special occasions, It took me years to strut my stuff, Well One occassion I did become in work politics, I went behind my bosses back and told another Gal in confindant that my boss put her down and told her that the boss told me in a jokingly way that she was a whore, She was crushed for days, It turned out that My boss got very angry with me, Then I cried, All i wanted to do was fit in, Soo I took it from there, then a wise old lady told me one day, to stick to yourself, And be yourself and people would love you even more, and one day you will have alot of soc ials to go to, Soo my advice is to BE YOURSELF, NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE
You should read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Do some internet research on social shyness or read some books about it.
If you don't find the answers, seek a therapist. Life's too short to feel this way.
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