How can I keep these feelings for my friend under control?
The thing is, I love my boyfriend, but I'm always looking forward to hearing from my friend. It's gotten to the point where I feel broken-hearted that we aren't closer.
All this time, I've had feelings for her but I've managed to keep them under control (for the most part). I just don't know if I can do it anymore.
Does this only end in heartache? Is there a way I can change my perspective so that I only see her as a friend? I don't want to break up with my boyfriend for this reason, and I doubt she feels the same way about me anyway.
Interestingly, I find it impossible to have close friends of the same sex unless I'm attracted to them on some level. What's my problem and how can I solve it?
Answer:
Sounds like you may be bisexual, if not altogether gay. If you feel you are more attracted to your girlfriend than your boyfriend, maybe you should find some way to try it out. Are you sure she doesn't feel the same way? There's a good chance she is at least partially aware of your feelings, and she hasn't walked away yet. Of course, as with anything, it involves a risk to explore it further. But if you are attracted to her, there really isn't anything you can do to "control" your feelings. You can hide them, but trying to suppress them will just make you, and possibly her, miserable, since it will make your relationship strained, no matter how hard you try to keep it from happening.
Your friend inspires, she challenges you, she's fun to be with. On an energy level sex ( the act of creation) is closely linked to creativity. So its no wonder that you are drawn to her. Enjoy those feelings, go with the flow. If she is ypur best friend, talk to her about these things on a girls night out maybe- see what develops. In the meanwhile,see if you can sort out your feelings for your boyfriend. If you can take things to a next level good, or maybe its time to move on?
A little work to understand yourself is in order. You seem to identify who you are by your relationships with other people. This approach will always leave you vulnerable and disappointed.
Looking inward in not an easy journey, but it is lifes most rewarding. "Know Thyself" and all else will follow.
Have a serious talk with your girlfriend & ask her how she feels about you. You need to find out if she only wants to be friends with you or is it possible that she could have a relationship with you. It sounds like you would rather be with her than this boyfriend of yours. Talk to her. This guy you are with .if he is not able to satisfy you emotionally or on the same level your female friend can than move on to someone new. Why settle unless you are truly happy with who you are with.
Well let me tell you that I understand exactly how you feel. When I met my friend, we had so much in common. Our bond was so much more stronger than any bond I've ever had, even with my boyfriend. It's tough from pursuing something more romantic with her..but you can do it.
Stay strong because in the end, you will realize that your friendship with her supercedes the romantic connection you could have with her. Don't sabotage your chances of having a good friend. Believe it or not, if you keep telling yourself that there is absolutely no chances of hooking up with her, than eventually those feelings well go away. Perhaps it may just turn into respect and admiration and she will end up appreciating her friendship w/you even more. She w/feel a close bond with you more so than any of her other girlfriends.
Plus, if you pursue something, she might be grossed out depending on how she feels about homosexuality. At any rate, good luck to you! I know it's a tough situation to be in but stay strong@
Yes, i really, truly agree with Forbidden96. I have a friend now that i have this really close connection with. We're like best friends and we'd never think of it as a sexual connection, however i understand how you feel. I'd also once thought about it being sexual however now that i think about it, its just that very close connection between us thats misunderstood.
The friendship is seen as so close, its near sexuality and that sort of heart-aching feeling is misunderstood as sensual love. This is just actually the very strong friendship you have with her, whether its how she inspires you and again challenges you or makes you laugh.
Under my scrutiny, i reckon you should keep your friendship as it is, like forbidden96 said. The friendship now is so much larger than any sexual relationship could have. You also seem unsatisfied with your boyfriend now, sorry to say, but if you were satisfied you want to spend all your time with him rather than your girl friend. Perhaps now isn't the time to have a boyfriend and stick with your close friend for now, she seems a good person to be with.
Hope this helps =)
i always say follow ur heart, dont get trapped into something that u really dont want to be in.
i know how you feel. i really do. but if i were you i'd stick with your bf.
you can tell them how you feel
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