How should I handle this situation if it arises again? In regards to philosophical attitude about suffering?
Ok, so my mom runs a dog rescue group. She was watching animal planet as I came to the door of the living room she said "that poor dog....." and I said, being somewhat of a taoist that the dog (being operated on for cancer) and any other dog that goes into that vet creates jobs for the surgeons and if no dogs got sick then there would be no need for vets. I went on to say that there are many other healthy dogs. In taoist philosophy nothing causes much pain because you come to the realization that for each action or event that another counteracting force arises to exist from it, and there is a time and a place for everything. Needless to say she didn't understand, and attacked me verbally asking how I would feel if my dog had cancer... I was just trying to show her the bright side.. How can I better do this?
Answer:
WOW
You ran into the first conundrum of trying to understand women.
LOL...welcome to the one most major problem in a mans world...LOL
In my experience it has come to me that women dont want you to solve thier problems unless they ask you for help...and then...you have to do it their way otherwise its wrong.
Your mom was NOT asking for your comfort. She was expressing her feelings - all she wanted was for you to recognize it...nothing more...once you stepped over that boundary she felt she had to defend herself.
In this particualr case, it probably would have been better to just keep on walking and not say anything. Let her feel what she wants to feel...thats her perogitive. Its no different then you making some emotional comment and a person says something about it that you dont agree with...you too will try to defend your feelings.
Of course, if one only analyizes why they feel the way they fell the problem would go away. Just like crying...if you think about why you are crying then you will stop crying because you realize its a meaningless jester and doesnt help the situation any.
Yes, I know people will disagree with me about the crying...but that doesnt make it false. The next time you feel like crying think about it and figure why you feel that way and you will stop.You are a taoist, you are smarter then 98% of the people your age that I know of.dont take my word for...do it and see for yourself.
I dunno. She prolly sees your point but was basicly giving you the "shut-up-smart-mouth-kid" treatment in a nice way. lol. Im sure she sees the bright side, maybe not the same one you do but still...:)
Say you were trying to convince Adolf Hitler that he was wrong and he threatened to kill you. Then shut up. You were being logical but some people are being emotional you snot faced, baby raping, priest humping pervert.
Just kidding. See emotions can cause lots of misery. It is not your job to try to make your mother happy. That is her job. Your job or purpose in life is to make yourself feel perfect peace and limitless happiness.
Then you can just accept it when people (like your mother) use their free will and choose to be miserable. It is her right to be miserable. See site below on how you can feel perfect peace.
your mother works with dogs so she is a highly emotional and loving person...next time try to see it her way... leave the taoist thinking out when talking with your mom on suffering ...just gently agree with her to keep the peace.
I think a true Taoist would say that suffering is as much a part of life as joy, and that one shouldn't trouble oneself SECONDARILY about the occurrence of either experience.
Tao Te Ching, #44. "Gain or loss: which is more painful?"
___In more modern terminology, a secondary emotion occurs in reflective beings when they observe themselves having an emotion or sensation. Some people nurture grudges; anyone can get more anxious or depressed when he or she fixates on an initially detected anxiety or depression; FDR said famously, "we have nothing to fear but fear itself." Emotions can snowball by being mirrored in cycles of feeling, observation of feeling, reaction to observing one's feeling, observing the felt reaction, and so forth. Some women with mental health issues (borderline personality disorders, especially) can feed on one another's feelings and work themselves into a frenzy interactively. Lynch mobs and rioters do something similar on a larger scale.
___Strong emotions can produce a rush of sorts, similar to the adrenalin rushes sought by thrill seekers, and many people indulge the desire for that rush. It's a modern Western disease. We define the human person lopsidedly in terms of emotions, a practice whose roots lie obscurely in the Renaissance, begin to take explicit form in the 17th century, get overblown in Freud, and go haywire in feminist theory's exhortations in recent decades for women to trust their emotions as indications of injustice. And of course, self-help books and therapists have been telling us for decades to get in touch with emotions, with precious little public examination of the downsides or of the concrete means of self-control. Currently, solipsistic indignation rushes are especially in vogue among the DailyKos/MoveOn.org types, while surges of sentimental jingoism are big among right wing talk-show hosts. It's a national disease of self-indulgence.
___A simple, bare feeling is usually generated by some real external event, and it's only the subsequent reiterations that are self-generated and thus excessive and self-indulgent. Historically, most rational people developed a healthy measure of self control over these secondary feelings as they grew up.
TTC #46. "There is no greater sin than desire, /No greater curse than discontent, /No greater misfortune than wnating something for oneself./Therefore he who knows that enough is enough will always have enough."
___If your mother is sensitive enough to feel sympathy for a dog with cancer, that's not a bad thing--it demonstrates compassion. There's nothing wrong with having an emotional life, even if you're Taoist or Buddhist. I don't think teachers of Taoism or Buddhism would criticize initial emotional reactions, but would only caution against self-indulgent emotional snowballing.
TTC #48. "The world is ruled by letting things take their course./ It cannot be ruled by interfering."
___The Taoist doesn't interfere with his emotions, but he doesn't indulge them. In time, presumably, the having of moderate emotions ceases to cause secondary anxiety and upset, and calmness is achieved which makes all feelings milder. Then one can be compassionate yet unbothered.
TTC #56. "Be at one with the dust of the earth./ This is the primal union./ He who has achieved this state/ Is unconcerned with friends and enemies, / With good and harm, with honor and disgrace."
___Compassion is always in order.
TTC #78. "He who takes upon himself the humiliation of the people is fit to rule them./ He who takes upon himself the country's disasters deserves to be king of the universe."
___A Taoist doesn't cease to feel, but holds his behavior to a higher standard than that to which he holds others, and thereby compensates for the vicissitudes of emotional life.
TTC #79. "After a bitter quarrel, some resentment must remain./ What can one do about it?/ Therefore the sage keeps his half of the bargain/ But does not exact his due."
____Initial emotions are fundamental to mental life, but secondary emotions are often morally suspect and mentally unhealthful. This distinction is crucial.
(Citations from Gia-Fu Feng & Jane Englisn translation of Tao Te Ching)
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Answer:
WOW
You ran into the first conundrum of trying to understand women.
LOL...welcome to the one most major problem in a mans world...LOL
In my experience it has come to me that women dont want you to solve thier problems unless they ask you for help...and then...you have to do it their way otherwise its wrong.
Your mom was NOT asking for your comfort. She was expressing her feelings - all she wanted was for you to recognize it...nothing more...once you stepped over that boundary she felt she had to defend herself.
In this particualr case, it probably would have been better to just keep on walking and not say anything. Let her feel what she wants to feel...thats her perogitive. Its no different then you making some emotional comment and a person says something about it that you dont agree with...you too will try to defend your feelings.
Of course, if one only analyizes why they feel the way they fell the problem would go away. Just like crying...if you think about why you are crying then you will stop crying because you realize its a meaningless jester and doesnt help the situation any.
Yes, I know people will disagree with me about the crying...but that doesnt make it false. The next time you feel like crying think about it and figure why you feel that way and you will stop.You are a taoist, you are smarter then 98% of the people your age that I know of.dont take my word for...do it and see for yourself.
I dunno. She prolly sees your point but was basicly giving you the "shut-up-smart-mouth-kid" treatment in a nice way. lol. Im sure she sees the bright side, maybe not the same one you do but still...:)
Say you were trying to convince Adolf Hitler that he was wrong and he threatened to kill you. Then shut up. You were being logical but some people are being emotional you snot faced, baby raping, priest humping pervert.
Just kidding. See emotions can cause lots of misery. It is not your job to try to make your mother happy. That is her job. Your job or purpose in life is to make yourself feel perfect peace and limitless happiness.
Then you can just accept it when people (like your mother) use their free will and choose to be miserable. It is her right to be miserable. See site below on how you can feel perfect peace.
your mother works with dogs so she is a highly emotional and loving person...next time try to see it her way... leave the taoist thinking out when talking with your mom on suffering ...just gently agree with her to keep the peace.
I think a true Taoist would say that suffering is as much a part of life as joy, and that one shouldn't trouble oneself SECONDARILY about the occurrence of either experience.
Tao Te Ching, #44. "Gain or loss: which is more painful?"
___In more modern terminology, a secondary emotion occurs in reflective beings when they observe themselves having an emotion or sensation. Some people nurture grudges; anyone can get more anxious or depressed when he or she fixates on an initially detected anxiety or depression; FDR said famously, "we have nothing to fear but fear itself." Emotions can snowball by being mirrored in cycles of feeling, observation of feeling, reaction to observing one's feeling, observing the felt reaction, and so forth. Some women with mental health issues (borderline personality disorders, especially) can feed on one another's feelings and work themselves into a frenzy interactively. Lynch mobs and rioters do something similar on a larger scale.
___Strong emotions can produce a rush of sorts, similar to the adrenalin rushes sought by thrill seekers, and many people indulge the desire for that rush. It's a modern Western disease. We define the human person lopsidedly in terms of emotions, a practice whose roots lie obscurely in the Renaissance, begin to take explicit form in the 17th century, get overblown in Freud, and go haywire in feminist theory's exhortations in recent decades for women to trust their emotions as indications of injustice. And of course, self-help books and therapists have been telling us for decades to get in touch with emotions, with precious little public examination of the downsides or of the concrete means of self-control. Currently, solipsistic indignation rushes are especially in vogue among the DailyKos/MoveOn.org types, while surges of sentimental jingoism are big among right wing talk-show hosts. It's a national disease of self-indulgence.
___A simple, bare feeling is usually generated by some real external event, and it's only the subsequent reiterations that are self-generated and thus excessive and self-indulgent. Historically, most rational people developed a healthy measure of self control over these secondary feelings as they grew up.
TTC #46. "There is no greater sin than desire, /No greater curse than discontent, /No greater misfortune than wnating something for oneself./Therefore he who knows that enough is enough will always have enough."
___If your mother is sensitive enough to feel sympathy for a dog with cancer, that's not a bad thing--it demonstrates compassion. There's nothing wrong with having an emotional life, even if you're Taoist or Buddhist. I don't think teachers of Taoism or Buddhism would criticize initial emotional reactions, but would only caution against self-indulgent emotional snowballing.
TTC #48. "The world is ruled by letting things take their course./ It cannot be ruled by interfering."
___The Taoist doesn't interfere with his emotions, but he doesn't indulge them. In time, presumably, the having of moderate emotions ceases to cause secondary anxiety and upset, and calmness is achieved which makes all feelings milder. Then one can be compassionate yet unbothered.
TTC #56. "Be at one with the dust of the earth./ This is the primal union./ He who has achieved this state/ Is unconcerned with friends and enemies, / With good and harm, with honor and disgrace."
___Compassion is always in order.
TTC #78. "He who takes upon himself the humiliation of the people is fit to rule them./ He who takes upon himself the country's disasters deserves to be king of the universe."
___A Taoist doesn't cease to feel, but holds his behavior to a higher standard than that to which he holds others, and thereby compensates for the vicissitudes of emotional life.
TTC #79. "After a bitter quarrel, some resentment must remain./ What can one do about it?/ Therefore the sage keeps his half of the bargain/ But does not exact his due."
____Initial emotions are fundamental to mental life, but secondary emotions are often morally suspect and mentally unhealthful. This distinction is crucial.
(Citations from Gia-Fu Feng & Jane Englisn translation of Tao Te Ching)
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