What is the name of this problem?
for whatever reason...i cannot make friends. and i have never dated. being almost 22 this is starting to become a major problem.i find it abnormal to say the least. i have been where everyone else has been (school, work, church, etc).but i just can't make any real friends..and approaching women is out of the question..
i hesitate very much to call it "anxiety" because i dotn really feel panicky or jittery anxious around people...just uneasy and inferior almost.
what is this problem? it has been going on for years and i dont know how to stop it...
everyone else around me functions like its nothing.
Answer:
m aybe your life is too interesting to be able to explain to others so why hang out with them
Sounds like you have a fear of people and social situations. A very good solution would be getting a therapist to work with you and developing a step by step plan for desensitizing yourself to your fears. For example working one on one with the therapist, developing trust and a solid therapeutic relationship, then moving on to group therapy with a small group of people who have similar fears. You too can function in social settings like it's nothing, but you have to learn how through therapy.
your shy man i find i have the same problem.i know its hard to just go up to people sometimes u just have to do it.also try online dateing.u can chat and get to know people first
When you find someone you want to talk to, you focus on them Ask their occupation. There's an excellent book out that would help you;"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Good luck. Don't give up!!
Anthropophobia- Fear of people or society.
I was like that until a couple of years ago. But when I started college and had to be around people, I changed. My life is great now! Meeting people gets easier with practice.
I don't know you well or what all your other issues involve, but offhand it sounds like there is a high chance of you having Asperger's Syndrome. It's a neurobiological disorder that's considered a form of high functioning autism that impairs social interaction, imagination, obsessive behaviour, causes sensory issues, and also often eating problems (such as eating the same foods obsessively, not eating much, or overeating).
I say all this from experience, as I have AS and have talked to and known 100's with it. Considering you are under 23, I'll say that *perhaps* you are just at the extreme end of shyness with related problems (my parents are both loners but do not have AS), but extremely shy people can still interact and find friends normally, if they want to.
I could talk for hours on Asperger's Syndrome and related problems (such as light sensitivity, sensitivity to various types of sound etc), so I will simply list some points you should know about it which you might not find in a hurry:
* According to the psychologist who diagnosed me, 1 in 300-500 have this problem (but supposedly 4 in 5 of those who have it are male). According to data I have seen, I reckon it to be 1 in 200 or more common.
*Not all with Asperger's are extremely shy, but some like myself are 33yrs old or older and have still never had a single friend in real life (if you're curious, I am not fat, I do not appear to be autistic, and I actually look 18-25yrs old). The reason for this in addition to the problems such as poor eye contact and body posture, inability to read body language, no theory of mind (can't tell what others are thinking), no smalltalk etc, is that people with AS typically have 1-sided communication and may *appear* selfish, and are unable to relate to most other people.
* Some are diagnosed in early childhood (as early as age 3), some while at school or by an employment psychologist. The NHS (if you're in the UK) will NOT refer you (unless you're unbelievably lucky somehow). You would need to read up on the condition, be 90%+ sure you have it, and then contact the autistic society and have them refer you to an autism specialist psychologist who will then diagnose you (at the cost of £300-£500 or up to $1000). It may seem costly, but if you have other issues related as well, having a noted condition may give you reason to apply for disability benefits. You should also note that cost probably involves at least 2 or 3 sessions of a professional's time, and some may charge significantly more.
Can you remember the origin of the uncomfortable feelings? Much of our learned ego belief system - which controls our experience of reality - was simply absorbed from the people around us and of course some is directly acquired by how they treated us. The mimicry of others withdrawn or disconnected behavior is easier to give up once we realize which parent we're copying. But, if you learned to feel this way through stupid mistreatment - that takes a bit more time. You have to see/remember the error OTHERS made to expel it. NLP is a good method.
Any time we become aware of NOT liking what we are experiencing or how we feel, it is because the present experience is NOT appropriate for our true Self. Until you contemplate the past and where these erroneous beliefs/thoughts/feelings came from, you cannot reframe what happened to you and return to being yourself.
You likely have low self esteem. Your low self esteem may be contributing slightly to your anxiety, but your anxiety is not the root cause of the problem, as in the case of someone with social anxiety. Being a fellow sufferer of low SE, I have always thought of it as being like a virus. Once contracted, it affects and inhibits many other psychological functions, and almost seems to manifests itself. It can be a distal cause in many psychological disorders, from depression and anxiety to even psychoticism. It could even effect outright performance, e.g., research shows that school children with low efficacy on a task (the belief in their ability to do a task, in this case mathematics) greatly affected their performance. Many of Alfred Adler's (a famous psychologists) theories are based on related ideals...ever heard of an "inferiority complex?"
If this sounds like your problem, it can be very difficult to deal with. My suggestion would be for you to engage yourself in a job that gives you the self esteem to interact with people. Because your situation sounds so much like my own, (I still haven't made any new friends since highschool, and I'm 24--my girlfriend was a friend of my sister) I'll give you a suggestion that worked for me.
Try signing up to be a camp counselor, I did this for 2 years at an arts camp and it worked. Playing the role of the leader, interacting with and having kids look up to you can--believe it or not--give you a huge self esteem boost. Plus, you are given the opportunity--or, lets say an excuse--to talk with co-counselors. Many times you will talk with your coworkers about business, so you don't feel the need to generate interesting conversation (which was my big problem).
It can be very difficult for shy people with low se to date for several reasons. Most men our age are very confident when approaching a prospective date. However, there's something to be said about caution in dating--which is what I would suggest. It usually results in a healthy, lengthy relationship as opposed to a one night stand. One thing: don't go to bars/clubs to find a date as they will likely not 'be your type." This has happened to a friend of mine, who is introverted, but always meets women at bars and later finds that they are not at all compatible.
It almost sounds like it might possibly be some depression, which is why you could feel inferior, because of maybe bad self-esteem, or bad self-talk (like telling yourself you are not good enough over and over until you start believing it). One of the things that depression can do sometimes is to cause you to be like scared you are going to do something dumb, and make a bad impression in front of other people. If you are having trouble making friends and interacting with others, there might also be some "social anxiety" as it is called. It's not really the same thing as normal anxiety, but you still get similiar jittery feelings, especially around large crowds of people. You might want to maybe trying talking to a counselor, and talking about things that are maybe bothering you, or causing you to have the kinds of feeling you do. I have been seeing different counselors for most of my life, and it took a while, but eventually I did manage to work through some things, so I am not as bad as I used to be. (I still feel like I have a long way to go, but at least I don't treat myself like a punching bag anymore...yeah I used to be *BAD* at beating myself up emotionally)
There is a difrence between 'feeling' that you have achieved a friedship and simply 'having' friends
I would re-evaluate your definition and criteria that you use
As an introvert myself I am constantly surprized by how many people (some of whom I barly remember thier names) consider Me one of thier best friends
you needn't rely on yourself too much in these situations Find someone you trust or join a suport group( or start one)that concentrates on introductions and social etiquete...
Churches are almost famous for these nowadays...
this could be an anxiety disorder or a mild form of depression but if you otherwise function normaly I'd avoid meds till a positive diagnosis from at least 3 doctors(risks of adiction are high and misdiagnosis can actualy cause related disorders)
I still managed to get married and still can count my friends on one hand
good luck
It's called "being a sore loser".
Maybe you don't fit where everyone else has been.
There are many people who feel like this ,me too, so maybe you should find someone who feels the same
I believe that you have some standards about people which are extremely high. in that way you are so strict with others that makes them to avoid you. try to lower your standards and try to aspect people as they are
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i hesitate very much to call it "anxiety" because i dotn really feel panicky or jittery anxious around people...just uneasy and inferior almost.
what is this problem? it has been going on for years and i dont know how to stop it...
everyone else around me functions like its nothing.
Answer:
m aybe your life is too interesting to be able to explain to others so why hang out with them
Sounds like you have a fear of people and social situations. A very good solution would be getting a therapist to work with you and developing a step by step plan for desensitizing yourself to your fears. For example working one on one with the therapist, developing trust and a solid therapeutic relationship, then moving on to group therapy with a small group of people who have similar fears. You too can function in social settings like it's nothing, but you have to learn how through therapy.
your shy man i find i have the same problem.i know its hard to just go up to people sometimes u just have to do it.also try online dateing.u can chat and get to know people first
When you find someone you want to talk to, you focus on them Ask their occupation. There's an excellent book out that would help you;"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Good luck. Don't give up!!
Anthropophobia- Fear of people or society.
I was like that until a couple of years ago. But when I started college and had to be around people, I changed. My life is great now! Meeting people gets easier with practice.
I don't know you well or what all your other issues involve, but offhand it sounds like there is a high chance of you having Asperger's Syndrome. It's a neurobiological disorder that's considered a form of high functioning autism that impairs social interaction, imagination, obsessive behaviour, causes sensory issues, and also often eating problems (such as eating the same foods obsessively, not eating much, or overeating).
I say all this from experience, as I have AS and have talked to and known 100's with it. Considering you are under 23, I'll say that *perhaps* you are just at the extreme end of shyness with related problems (my parents are both loners but do not have AS), but extremely shy people can still interact and find friends normally, if they want to.
I could talk for hours on Asperger's Syndrome and related problems (such as light sensitivity, sensitivity to various types of sound etc), so I will simply list some points you should know about it which you might not find in a hurry:
* According to the psychologist who diagnosed me, 1 in 300-500 have this problem (but supposedly 4 in 5 of those who have it are male). According to data I have seen, I reckon it to be 1 in 200 or more common.
*Not all with Asperger's are extremely shy, but some like myself are 33yrs old or older and have still never had a single friend in real life (if you're curious, I am not fat, I do not appear to be autistic, and I actually look 18-25yrs old). The reason for this in addition to the problems such as poor eye contact and body posture, inability to read body language, no theory of mind (can't tell what others are thinking), no smalltalk etc, is that people with AS typically have 1-sided communication and may *appear* selfish, and are unable to relate to most other people.
* Some are diagnosed in early childhood (as early as age 3), some while at school or by an employment psychologist. The NHS (if you're in the UK) will NOT refer you (unless you're unbelievably lucky somehow). You would need to read up on the condition, be 90%+ sure you have it, and then contact the autistic society and have them refer you to an autism specialist psychologist who will then diagnose you (at the cost of £300-£500 or up to $1000). It may seem costly, but if you have other issues related as well, having a noted condition may give you reason to apply for disability benefits. You should also note that cost probably involves at least 2 or 3 sessions of a professional's time, and some may charge significantly more.
Can you remember the origin of the uncomfortable feelings? Much of our learned ego belief system - which controls our experience of reality - was simply absorbed from the people around us and of course some is directly acquired by how they treated us. The mimicry of others withdrawn or disconnected behavior is easier to give up once we realize which parent we're copying. But, if you learned to feel this way through stupid mistreatment - that takes a bit more time. You have to see/remember the error OTHERS made to expel it. NLP is a good method.
Any time we become aware of NOT liking what we are experiencing or how we feel, it is because the present experience is NOT appropriate for our true Self. Until you contemplate the past and where these erroneous beliefs/thoughts/feelings came from, you cannot reframe what happened to you and return to being yourself.
You likely have low self esteem. Your low self esteem may be contributing slightly to your anxiety, but your anxiety is not the root cause of the problem, as in the case of someone with social anxiety. Being a fellow sufferer of low SE, I have always thought of it as being like a virus. Once contracted, it affects and inhibits many other psychological functions, and almost seems to manifests itself. It can be a distal cause in many psychological disorders, from depression and anxiety to even psychoticism. It could even effect outright performance, e.g., research shows that school children with low efficacy on a task (the belief in their ability to do a task, in this case mathematics) greatly affected their performance. Many of Alfred Adler's (a famous psychologists) theories are based on related ideals...ever heard of an "inferiority complex?"
If this sounds like your problem, it can be very difficult to deal with. My suggestion would be for you to engage yourself in a job that gives you the self esteem to interact with people. Because your situation sounds so much like my own, (I still haven't made any new friends since highschool, and I'm 24--my girlfriend was a friend of my sister) I'll give you a suggestion that worked for me.
Try signing up to be a camp counselor, I did this for 2 years at an arts camp and it worked. Playing the role of the leader, interacting with and having kids look up to you can--believe it or not--give you a huge self esteem boost. Plus, you are given the opportunity--or, lets say an excuse--to talk with co-counselors. Many times you will talk with your coworkers about business, so you don't feel the need to generate interesting conversation (which was my big problem).
It can be very difficult for shy people with low se to date for several reasons. Most men our age are very confident when approaching a prospective date. However, there's something to be said about caution in dating--which is what I would suggest. It usually results in a healthy, lengthy relationship as opposed to a one night stand. One thing: don't go to bars/clubs to find a date as they will likely not 'be your type." This has happened to a friend of mine, who is introverted, but always meets women at bars and later finds that they are not at all compatible.
It almost sounds like it might possibly be some depression, which is why you could feel inferior, because of maybe bad self-esteem, or bad self-talk (like telling yourself you are not good enough over and over until you start believing it). One of the things that depression can do sometimes is to cause you to be like scared you are going to do something dumb, and make a bad impression in front of other people. If you are having trouble making friends and interacting with others, there might also be some "social anxiety" as it is called. It's not really the same thing as normal anxiety, but you still get similiar jittery feelings, especially around large crowds of people. You might want to maybe trying talking to a counselor, and talking about things that are maybe bothering you, or causing you to have the kinds of feeling you do. I have been seeing different counselors for most of my life, and it took a while, but eventually I did manage to work through some things, so I am not as bad as I used to be. (I still feel like I have a long way to go, but at least I don't treat myself like a punching bag anymore...yeah I used to be *BAD* at beating myself up emotionally)
There is a difrence between 'feeling' that you have achieved a friedship and simply 'having' friends
I would re-evaluate your definition and criteria that you use
As an introvert myself I am constantly surprized by how many people (some of whom I barly remember thier names) consider Me one of thier best friends
you needn't rely on yourself too much in these situations Find someone you trust or join a suport group( or start one)that concentrates on introductions and social etiquete...
Churches are almost famous for these nowadays...
this could be an anxiety disorder or a mild form of depression but if you otherwise function normaly I'd avoid meds till a positive diagnosis from at least 3 doctors(risks of adiction are high and misdiagnosis can actualy cause related disorders)
I still managed to get married and still can count my friends on one hand
good luck
It's called "being a sore loser".
Maybe you don't fit where everyone else has been.
There are many people who feel like this ,me too, so maybe you should find someone who feels the same
I believe that you have some standards about people which are extremely high. in that way you are so strict with others that makes them to avoid you. try to lower your standards and try to aspect people as they are
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