How to not be such a peace maker..?
Okay, I'm a BIG people pleaser. I like to see everyone else around me happy..even if it means myself not happy. How do I get out of this? I've been this way all my life and my fiance has gotten very pissed at me. He says that I'm letting people walk all over me. How do I get out of this mind set? Please help.
Answer:
My wife had the same issue. There is nothing wrong with making people happy but you need to look at the main reason why you are doing it. In most cases, it could be that you are afraid that people will not like you unless you make them happy. You may be lacking confidence in yourself. When you make people happy you have more confidence that they like you, in return makes you happier.
I would look at the root cause of why you want to make everyone happy. You have to be bruetly honest with yourself. Then work on fixing the root cause whatever it may be.
You have to set boundaries. Sometimes the most powerful word is "no". You have to learn how to say "no". At first you may think you'll make someone angry, but if that person really respected you then they will understand. This is a powerful way to filter out who is really your friend and who is only your friend because they can get what they want from you. Generally, people respect those who can say no. If you cannot say no, then people may walk over you.
Part of saying no is also knowing when to say yes. It helps to really think about your priorities and write them down. If saying yes goes against your priorities then say no. Most people have static and dynamic priorities. Some change daily and some are longer term. You should revisit your priorities on a daily basis and ask if what you are doing is consistent with your priorities. This will help you keep in touch what is important to you and can be used as a guide.
the first thing you have to do is to find what you really want. are you prefer to see people happy or people see you happy?
I see no reason to change your attitude to a great degree. I wish more people ascribed to your basic philosophy.
You can compromise your position somewhat by drawing the line when it comes to your happiness or your close friend's happiness.
Think of it in hierarchical terms: yourself, your friends, everyone else. That should be the happiness inducing order.
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Answer:
My wife had the same issue. There is nothing wrong with making people happy but you need to look at the main reason why you are doing it. In most cases, it could be that you are afraid that people will not like you unless you make them happy. You may be lacking confidence in yourself. When you make people happy you have more confidence that they like you, in return makes you happier.
I would look at the root cause of why you want to make everyone happy. You have to be bruetly honest with yourself. Then work on fixing the root cause whatever it may be.
You have to set boundaries. Sometimes the most powerful word is "no". You have to learn how to say "no". At first you may think you'll make someone angry, but if that person really respected you then they will understand. This is a powerful way to filter out who is really your friend and who is only your friend because they can get what they want from you. Generally, people respect those who can say no. If you cannot say no, then people may walk over you.
Part of saying no is also knowing when to say yes. It helps to really think about your priorities and write them down. If saying yes goes against your priorities then say no. Most people have static and dynamic priorities. Some change daily and some are longer term. You should revisit your priorities on a daily basis and ask if what you are doing is consistent with your priorities. This will help you keep in touch what is important to you and can be used as a guide.
the first thing you have to do is to find what you really want. are you prefer to see people happy or people see you happy?
I see no reason to change your attitude to a great degree. I wish more people ascribed to your basic philosophy.
You can compromise your position somewhat by drawing the line when it comes to your happiness or your close friend's happiness.
Think of it in hierarchical terms: yourself, your friends, everyone else. That should be the happiness inducing order.
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