Psychoanalyze this beast PLEASE!?
I asked him to get back with me after a month cus I realized how much I loved him and he said no...I then bumped into him accidentally a month after that and we start to chat. I ask him why he doesn’t want to get back and he says that it’s because he 'just doesn’t want a girlfriend right now' so I suggest a 'casual relationship' and he happily agrees. So from then on for the next 6 months that’s what goes on and we end up sleeping together. Everything is great and we talk to each other for hours and hours each day until 1 day I feel that it’s wrong to just be sleeping with someone who doesn’t want anything more with me.
so I tell him that I don’t want to see him talk to him again...cus of the reason I mentioned and also that it'd be best that we kept our distance (don’t know what I was thinking) and all he says is 'fine!' but seems really depressed about it. Then a week later I realize I love him too much so I start talking to him again he does talk but just seem quieter than b4. The only thing he isn’t apprehensive about is sex. I tried to make him laugh but he's just been distant to me ever since. I even apologized for the way I abruptly said I didn’t want to see him again.
but the thing is I love this guy more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I’m SURE that from all the hints I’ve been dropping he must know that I really love him and at times I too feel he loves me (you know when u just know that someone loves you)...like the way they look at you, the way they hold you and the things they do for you etc. BUT then all of a sudden he pulls back for a days and distances himself when I try to ask him why so I just leave him alone and then out of the blue he just comes and asks to meet up again (for sex that is)...I mean I know for some men love is sex...well that’s what I’ve heard but I may be wrong. But on a deeper level, why do you think he acts the way he does? What do you guys think?
Answer:
I think he is still hurt from the first time you rejected him and he put a wall up and has a hard time bringing it down. You guys really have to talk about this because in the end you will both lose the love of ur life. And by beast do you mean your interior struggle??
have you ever read the book: "He's just not that into you?"
A lot of the big signs are: If he was into you and wanted to be in a relationship he would. He wouldnt care whawt was going on in his life.
Personally, I know, that if i want to be with someone I go through hell or high water to get what I want...
Do you really want to love someone that just loves sex with you?
Just something to think about...
He acts that way because you are so wishy washy. Make up your mind. After even half of that I'd have never spoken to you again.
And part of it could be that he's just always up for some sex. Some guys will throw all self worth and/or morals out the windows to get some sex.
I think he was reacting strictly the way a guy would act and I think you need to check out your interior mind. Throughout your entire missive, you repeatedly illustrate how you acted mostly without thinking or against how you really felt, then keep hoping for a redo when you "wake up" and finally figure out your heart and mind. Honey, that's jerking the guy around unfairly and you may have done so one too many times.
Try moving on, really paying attention to how you feel, and acting on them rather than playing around, leading a guy on and jumping back and forth. Then you'll find a guy who also knows what he's thinking (because he won't be confused trying to figure you out).
You killed it in the beginning by insulting him. You think he could possibly forget the things you said. The most important thing for him is to feel confident in the relationship, to feel like you love him and don't notice his flaws. You pointed his flaws out, presumably, and now the guy is probably more than self conscience around you.
Also, after you guys started sleeping together you should have probably gone about the whole "i don't want to see you again" thing. You can't manipulate someone into agreeing to be exclusive with you, and it sounds like you were giving him an ultimatum.
I'm not sure if this 'relationship' is possible for working out. He may love you but you have pushed him away, and vice versa, so many times that it seems like he has some trust issues, I'm not talking about trusting you with in regards to cheating, but more so about trusting you with his heart.
It's easy to sleep with someone, but giving someone your heart is a lot harder.
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