How can you stop constantly comparing yourself to your siblings?
I do this a lot, almost obsessively. It really gets me down as I feel like I'm constantly having to compete, and be better. I know its stupid, and think it came from childhood when I was compared a lot. The thing is its makes me get really bad mood swings and carry bad feeling. I am too old for this. Has anyone else done this a lot, and managed to get rid of it? If so how? Help!
Answer:
When you realise that you are an individual and have your own talents/abilities. You are merely in your coccoon and anyday now you will burst out and shine beautifully on your own.
You need to break the bond of interdependance that is usually created in a family environment. This does not mean you have to ditch them completely but you need to branch out and gain some independance.
To be happy in life you need to be reaching your ability/potential level whatever that is.
When you try to suceed this, or worse, go off in a different direction and try to suceed someone elses abilities, this is when stress and conflict occurs.
You need to be happy with yourself, strengths, talents, weaknesses, spots and all.
i think its natural-i grew up with 6 other kids and i dont think you can help comparing-what you need to do is this-start telling yourself you are a unique individual -no one else like you in the whole wide world- so you are very special in your own right- i dont know you but i bet there are a million and one things that your siblings dont have / cant do that you can.
Believe in yourself and dont compare any more you are who you are
I do to some degree. I am in the middle. I have a brother that is very smart, popular and outgoing. He is good at everything. and I have a brother who is kind of the black sheep of the family, does drugs and moved 700 miles away from his family to strike out on his own and "run" from his problems. I get along with both of them and remind myself that I wouldnt want to be either of them because even though I admire the ones popularity and the others adventerous side, I am pretty happy with who I am and how my life is going even though its not perfect.
This is a perfectly normal situation. You are right. Your constant comparison of your accomplishments against those of your siblings is a direct result of hearing "Suzie gets straight As", "Suzie is head cheerleader", "Suzie is just so pretty". These comments don't even have to be made to you, just within earshot. You grow up wondering why? Why do your parents think Suzie is so great, but you are so inadequate?
First off, please be aware that this happens to EVERYONE that has siblings. As much as a parent will not admit it, they always have a child that is their favorite. This child will poop sunshine, no matter what the child does. This will cause bad feelings in the siblings, but when they are dismissed as being jealous and stupid they decide to bury their feelings, thereby letting them seethe into veiled animosity.
Next, know that even the sunshine pooping child has their own issues. They are so used to being on the pedestal that they are also in constant competition with their siblings to stay there. They need to know what you do, how much money you make, are you happier than them, etc., etc. So even if you are the landmark, you still feel this competitive crunch.
How to solve it? The only person who can do that is you. Ask yourself this. Why do you care? Why do you care how much money they make, how happy they are, what they have accomplished? It is their life, let them live it. Be concerned with your life, how happy you are, the things you can directly control. You have no control over their actions, stop measuring yourself by them.
Spite everyone, be happy regardless. It doesn't matter how many degrees are on the wall, how much money is in the bank, what kind of car you drive, what your zip code is. None of that matters. If it makes you happy to live in the middle of nowhere and repair radio towers so you can have time to read - DO IT. You get one quick trip around, enjoy it.
I am the middle child & am totally different to the other 4.I grew up quick & am very independant the others seem to always need people.You will eventually find your own identity & move on.Good Luck
Siblings rivalry! A most common problem sometimes parents push their own children to compete, be it wilfully or not! They compare! tell one 'Why can't you be as good as your sister/brother".
How do you get rid of your feelings? Accept and respect that you are a person! You are you and you matters! You may not be as good at maths or other subjects than one of your siblings but hey! You have your own individual qualities too. Become self assertive and work on your self esteem! Once you decide you like you for what you are, others will realise it and start seeing you as a person not a brother/sister/child but a real person
Best wishes
More Questions and Answers:
Any idea why a person would have an aversion to writing things down on paper?
What are some ways to not internalize stress while in a stressful environment/situation?
What the impression of a person named Gabriel that comes to mind?
Regretting a Mistake. Need advice. Help?
What do ypu think of this prologue?? Sorry if it's not completed as i only can type up to limited characters.
Why do i have a strange bond in my character?
How do you relax after a hard days work when you have to work tomorrow.?
How Long does it take to be a psychologist?
What is wrong with you people??
How we can save ourselves from nudity in the world ?
Answer:
When you realise that you are an individual and have your own talents/abilities. You are merely in your coccoon and anyday now you will burst out and shine beautifully on your own.
You need to break the bond of interdependance that is usually created in a family environment. This does not mean you have to ditch them completely but you need to branch out and gain some independance.
To be happy in life you need to be reaching your ability/potential level whatever that is.
When you try to suceed this, or worse, go off in a different direction and try to suceed someone elses abilities, this is when stress and conflict occurs.
You need to be happy with yourself, strengths, talents, weaknesses, spots and all.
i think its natural-i grew up with 6 other kids and i dont think you can help comparing-what you need to do is this-start telling yourself you are a unique individual -no one else like you in the whole wide world- so you are very special in your own right- i dont know you but i bet there are a million and one things that your siblings dont have / cant do that you can.
Believe in yourself and dont compare any more you are who you are
I do to some degree. I am in the middle. I have a brother that is very smart, popular and outgoing. He is good at everything. and I have a brother who is kind of the black sheep of the family, does drugs and moved 700 miles away from his family to strike out on his own and "run" from his problems. I get along with both of them and remind myself that I wouldnt want to be either of them because even though I admire the ones popularity and the others adventerous side, I am pretty happy with who I am and how my life is going even though its not perfect.
This is a perfectly normal situation. You are right. Your constant comparison of your accomplishments against those of your siblings is a direct result of hearing "Suzie gets straight As", "Suzie is head cheerleader", "Suzie is just so pretty". These comments don't even have to be made to you, just within earshot. You grow up wondering why? Why do your parents think Suzie is so great, but you are so inadequate?
First off, please be aware that this happens to EVERYONE that has siblings. As much as a parent will not admit it, they always have a child that is their favorite. This child will poop sunshine, no matter what the child does. This will cause bad feelings in the siblings, but when they are dismissed as being jealous and stupid they decide to bury their feelings, thereby letting them seethe into veiled animosity.
Next, know that even the sunshine pooping child has their own issues. They are so used to being on the pedestal that they are also in constant competition with their siblings to stay there. They need to know what you do, how much money you make, are you happier than them, etc., etc. So even if you are the landmark, you still feel this competitive crunch.
How to solve it? The only person who can do that is you. Ask yourself this. Why do you care? Why do you care how much money they make, how happy they are, what they have accomplished? It is their life, let them live it. Be concerned with your life, how happy you are, the things you can directly control. You have no control over their actions, stop measuring yourself by them.
Spite everyone, be happy regardless. It doesn't matter how many degrees are on the wall, how much money is in the bank, what kind of car you drive, what your zip code is. None of that matters. If it makes you happy to live in the middle of nowhere and repair radio towers so you can have time to read - DO IT. You get one quick trip around, enjoy it.
I am the middle child & am totally different to the other 4.I grew up quick & am very independant the others seem to always need people.You will eventually find your own identity & move on.Good Luck
Siblings rivalry! A most common problem sometimes parents push their own children to compete, be it wilfully or not! They compare! tell one 'Why can't you be as good as your sister/brother".
How do you get rid of your feelings? Accept and respect that you are a person! You are you and you matters! You may not be as good at maths or other subjects than one of your siblings but hey! You have your own individual qualities too. Become self assertive and work on your self esteem! Once you decide you like you for what you are, others will realise it and start seeing you as a person not a brother/sister/child but a real person
Best wishes
The answers post by the user, for information only, FunQA.com does not guarantee the right.
More Questions and Answers: