My mum & dad never shown me any emotion. except ANGER...?
During my teens I became a rebel. I got in with the wrong crowd and done some things im ashamed of...ie..drugs, theft, drinking.
I met my girlfriend when I was 18 and I went on the straight and narrow and I now live a very honest life.
My girlfriend wants kids, Im just worried that I might ot show my kids emotion. I fear this non emotion may come automatic. I DO find it hard to show emotion to my girlfriend. But she understands. I also suffer with Anxiety.do you think my parents are to blame for my anxiety?
Also..all my friends parents are always telling them they love them and interact with them. I never got this from my mum & Dad!! Im really angry with them!!
Answer:
We all learn from our parents my man.
I would like to tell you what I learned from my father. Two very important things, amongst a lot of other things he taught me.
One; Never screw around on your wife!
Two; Never go out to get drunk, with the boys.
I loved him, and these two things I learned from him because he was an alcoholic, and a womanizer.
Constantly looking for a way out of the house and constantly getting caught with another woman.
It hurt his family with his drinking, and his wife went through hell with his philandering.
I've never cheated on my wife, I'm in my early fifties and the last time I had a drink was about two weeks ago. The last time I was drunk? I was twenty four.
These two things I learned from my dad.
These two people...your parents? They taught you how not to behave towards your children. Like my dad taught me how "not to behave".
You know what it is like to have no love. You know what it does firsthand, don't you? You've learned that from your parents.
Now I don't know how you love them, or feel for them but from what you just wrote out ...we both know how to treat your own children. You've learned it from the negative aspects of your own upbringing.
So have your children. They will learn from the positive more readily than the negative. They can and will learn what the love is that you never had given. That is a great gift you can pass on to your parents grandchildren.
Just by feeling how they taught you.
As for your problems in life, like anxiety. No you are old enough to do something about that now. You are not under their umbrella any more. You can't blame them. Your anger will dissipate with time unless you nurture it. If you ever want to be forgiven then you have to forgive as well. So relieve your anger and forgive them, what the hell did they know? You're gonna foul up on your own kids as well. You can teach that to your children too.
I am guessing by your use of the word mum that your British. I have always have the perception of stiff upper lip and all that so maybe they are like that. it is normal that you rebeled. Thank god you made it throught alive! I think as long as you know you want your kids to know you love them you will say it. I wouldnt worry. It is a choice its not in your genes
Your parents may be incapable of showing love. Apparently they show emotion, anger. They may have been raised that way as well, and their stuck in a loop. There is no point in being angry at them because of it. They aren't happy and neither are you.
The good news is that you recognize the lack of emotion. You can break the chain! Let yourself feel. Let yourself open up to the experience love and elation and all the emotions that come with it. Discover the joys of giving and getting love. I suspect you have a lot of love built up inside you. Don't be afraid to let it out. Think of what a great example you can be of a loving parent - and your parents will see that as time goes on.
Learn to forgive. In my culture, it is always believed that you become great by showing kindness to the one who treated you bad. You feel bigger inside by doing so.
As for the kid, kids bring out love automatically.esp since they are so cute.
If you would like to test...try getting a puppy : )
If you can express your 'love' to the puppy, then be assured that you'd definitely be able to do so with your own kid.
Also try going through some pregnancy sites...to get an idea of whether you's like to get into such a responsibility
Personally, I think you need to talk to a professional counselor before you have children and get all of this "crap" out of your system. You don't need to carry this around with you all of the time. You are an adult and you can learn from the situation you were in at home when you were a kid. You can also learn to forgive because carrying around all of that anger only hurt YOU.no one else. Example: My Dad was an emotionally abusive person and did the same thing to his kids; my brothers and I learned not to emotionally batter our children and formed loving relationships with them because we knew how it felt to be dealt an unloving parent. You will get a lot of good from talking to a therapist and letting this anger go before you have kids. You can also journal your feelings. This will help you get it all out and put it on paper. Godloveya.
God, I thought I was reading about myself. I was the middle child of three boys and my parents would do nothing but criticize me and never compliment me. Because of them I have undergone many years of therapy. I know exactly how you feel. To this day, I still feel bitter towards my parents, may they rest in peace. No, you have nothing to fear. Your child will be a product of his environment. If he or she is raised with love and understanding, then he will love and be understanding himself. Good luck to someone that has gone through what I went through.
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