Help, I'm emotionally confused!?
I asked a question "What do you bellieve in a parent's job in entirety?" , and one answerer responded with the following: "A parent needs to provide food, love, clothing, shelter, and discipline--but aside from all of that a parent needs to be their friend. someone they can turn to and trust with anything. a shoulder to cry on. someone to jump up and down with in excitement. someone to get advice from, someone to just sit and talk to when they need it. if a parent cannot do those things, they have no right being a parent! parents need to be selfless, but selfish at the same time. they need to think of their children all of the time, but they also need to look after themselves to keep the sanity." However, not everyone mets this expectation of being a friend--and I guess I dunno... I mean my dad certainly meets this requirement, but my mom's a different story. I do appreciate her, but I just don't trust that she would listen and provide comfort when needed. support and comfort, but it would have been nice—I mean I believe in myself and know that nothing really is impossible NOW. I can take care of myself. Does that make my mom any less of a parent? Should I tell her or just accept that she can’t be there for me in that way before? I honestly don’t desire that from her anymore. Should my parents be any less appreciated, because there was a time when I felt neglected and unimportant? Is it really their doing or my own personal issue that I had to deal with by myself? I’m 17. I’m independent. I’ve never been stronger or loved the world so much before. Despite this, I always felt on my own…I just don’t know.
Answer:
It's not fair to categorize. Everyone is different and you can't expect all parents to fall under one umbrella. Not only that, but all kids are different, too, and need different things. Parenting doesn't come with right and wrong, good or bad. It's alot more complex than that.
You're parents love you, even if they don't fit this mold entirely. And, all kids or teenagers feel neglected, misunderstood or unimportant at some time or another. Life isn't like "Leave it to Beaver" so don't get down because you didn't have the 'perfect' mom. I don't care what someone wrote, I promise they didn't have the perfect mom, either.
Usually, the closeness with your parents comes as you get older. You'll begin to understand why they acted and felt some of the ways they did. And, with understanding comes acceptance. I think, you're probably unsure, deep down, how you feel about your mother. Don't stress over it too much and don't let anyone's advise sway your feelings.
You know your mother loves you, even if you haven't found that closeness that allows you to be best friends, yet. It'll come, in time.
well obviously its hard to say, because i dont know you or your mum, but a parent to daughter relationship should never be taken for granted or not appriciated. if your mum cant always be there for you, it doesnt make her any less of a parent, or a bad parent. i think that you should accept, like you said, she cant be ther for you in that way but maybe you should talk to her if you feel thats what you need to do. it could be in her personality not to be very supportive, but it could also be that you need some time alone with your mum to do some bond building. go shopping together, or anything that she loves doing, and show an interest in her life, maybe she will return that interest and then you can tell her exactly how your feeling, but i mean dont have a go at her or anything like that. or as an alternative, you could possibly talk to your dad about it? good luck :-)
Sometimes parents may not be supportive emotionally but they might demonstrate their love in other ways...My mom is not very loving or caring but she is always there for us when my sisters and I need her financially...She always trys to please us by buying us stuff...and thats the way she shows her love to us...I guess now that your adult and that you always been on your own that your ok...
Honey, parents are people too. We make mistakes, have problems, feelings just like you. Sometimes we get overwhelmed amd have problems handling life too. Listening to you, it sounds like they did a fine job. You WILL be just fine. God bless!
Sweetie don't let someone's answer on yahoo make you feel like your family is not ok. :) There are lots and lots of differing opinions out there on how to parent. That's just one person's opinion.
No family is perfect... families are filled with people and people are by nature imperfect creatures. Your mom made mistakes because she's human. Your dad probably made mistakes too, and you just didn't notice them or they weren't the kind of mistakes that had a big impact on you.
If there is a specific event where your mom hurt you deeply and you feel you cannot get past that hurt without talking to her about it, then it is worthwhile to talk to her about it. But if your mom made mistakes that you think you can heal from without confronting her, I would probably suggest giving it some time and doing your best to try healing on your own first.
Don't feel guilty for feeling neglected. Kids don't just create those types of feelings out of thin air. But even if your parents did neglect you in some aspects, be comforted that they probably did not do it on purpose. For the most part, parents love their kids and they do the best that they can. But just like kids, parents are imperfect and so they're gonna fall short sometimes. Part of growing up is being able to forgive your parents for their mistakes and accept them as fellow imperfect human beings.
Unless there is a very severe detail missing from your description (ie abuse of some sort), your family actually sounds pretty normal. Don't worry yourself too much over the description of an ideal parent written by some random person! No one is ideal anyway. As family, we accept each other flaws and all.
Hey there. I actually gave you this answer. So I feel obligated to answer this as well.
I don't know your mom personally, but a mom is very important in a girls life. I know this because.. my mom isn't in my life.. and without her I had some tough times.
Have you ever tried to talk to your mom? Maybe if you try to have a heart to heart with her she will surprise you..
I didn't mean to make you doubt your mom.. that is just my opinion on what a parent should be...
I just think you should always be able to tell your parents how you feel.. they are the ones that brought you into this world.. they need to help you through it!
If you ever felt neglected and unimportant than I don't think they were doing their jobs.
But if you can appreciate, and love them now for who they are, and if you turned out alright.. then don't look into the past too deeply.
I'm sorry if my answer made you upset.. it was just an opinion.
I didn't know why you were asking.. I thought maybe you were a new parent looking for advice.
Well anyway email if you ever need someone to talk to..
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Answer:
It's not fair to categorize. Everyone is different and you can't expect all parents to fall under one umbrella. Not only that, but all kids are different, too, and need different things. Parenting doesn't come with right and wrong, good or bad. It's alot more complex than that.
You're parents love you, even if they don't fit this mold entirely. And, all kids or teenagers feel neglected, misunderstood or unimportant at some time or another. Life isn't like "Leave it to Beaver" so don't get down because you didn't have the 'perfect' mom. I don't care what someone wrote, I promise they didn't have the perfect mom, either.
Usually, the closeness with your parents comes as you get older. You'll begin to understand why they acted and felt some of the ways they did. And, with understanding comes acceptance. I think, you're probably unsure, deep down, how you feel about your mother. Don't stress over it too much and don't let anyone's advise sway your feelings.
You know your mother loves you, even if you haven't found that closeness that allows you to be best friends, yet. It'll come, in time.
well obviously its hard to say, because i dont know you or your mum, but a parent to daughter relationship should never be taken for granted or not appriciated. if your mum cant always be there for you, it doesnt make her any less of a parent, or a bad parent. i think that you should accept, like you said, she cant be ther for you in that way but maybe you should talk to her if you feel thats what you need to do. it could be in her personality not to be very supportive, but it could also be that you need some time alone with your mum to do some bond building. go shopping together, or anything that she loves doing, and show an interest in her life, maybe she will return that interest and then you can tell her exactly how your feeling, but i mean dont have a go at her or anything like that. or as an alternative, you could possibly talk to your dad about it? good luck :-)
Sometimes parents may not be supportive emotionally but they might demonstrate their love in other ways...My mom is not very loving or caring but she is always there for us when my sisters and I need her financially...She always trys to please us by buying us stuff...and thats the way she shows her love to us...I guess now that your adult and that you always been on your own that your ok...
Honey, parents are people too. We make mistakes, have problems, feelings just like you. Sometimes we get overwhelmed amd have problems handling life too. Listening to you, it sounds like they did a fine job. You WILL be just fine. God bless!
Sweetie don't let someone's answer on yahoo make you feel like your family is not ok. :) There are lots and lots of differing opinions out there on how to parent. That's just one person's opinion.
No family is perfect... families are filled with people and people are by nature imperfect creatures. Your mom made mistakes because she's human. Your dad probably made mistakes too, and you just didn't notice them or they weren't the kind of mistakes that had a big impact on you.
If there is a specific event where your mom hurt you deeply and you feel you cannot get past that hurt without talking to her about it, then it is worthwhile to talk to her about it. But if your mom made mistakes that you think you can heal from without confronting her, I would probably suggest giving it some time and doing your best to try healing on your own first.
Don't feel guilty for feeling neglected. Kids don't just create those types of feelings out of thin air. But even if your parents did neglect you in some aspects, be comforted that they probably did not do it on purpose. For the most part, parents love their kids and they do the best that they can. But just like kids, parents are imperfect and so they're gonna fall short sometimes. Part of growing up is being able to forgive your parents for their mistakes and accept them as fellow imperfect human beings.
Unless there is a very severe detail missing from your description (ie abuse of some sort), your family actually sounds pretty normal. Don't worry yourself too much over the description of an ideal parent written by some random person! No one is ideal anyway. As family, we accept each other flaws and all.
Hey there. I actually gave you this answer. So I feel obligated to answer this as well.
I don't know your mom personally, but a mom is very important in a girls life. I know this because.. my mom isn't in my life.. and without her I had some tough times.
Have you ever tried to talk to your mom? Maybe if you try to have a heart to heart with her she will surprise you..
I didn't mean to make you doubt your mom.. that is just my opinion on what a parent should be...
I just think you should always be able to tell your parents how you feel.. they are the ones that brought you into this world.. they need to help you through it!
If you ever felt neglected and unimportant than I don't think they were doing their jobs.
But if you can appreciate, and love them now for who they are, and if you turned out alright.. then don't look into the past too deeply.
I'm sorry if my answer made you upset.. it was just an opinion.
I didn't know why you were asking.. I thought maybe you were a new parent looking for advice.
Well anyway email if you ever need someone to talk to..
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