Overcome shyness?
Answer:
Probably the best way to overcome shyness is Systematic (or Graduated) Desensitization. This is contrasted with a technique called "flooding," in which the shy person is immediately exposed to a feared situation. This experience is supposed to be cathartic.
This is the advice that is often given shy people. "You've got to mix and mingle with people-that's the only way you're going to overcome your shyness! Go to a party, and plunge right in!" This is something akin to telling someone who's deathly afraid of water to plunge into the deep end of a swimming pool!
Systematic desensitization, on the other hand, involves discovering what you are afraid of, breaking that feared activity down into smaller steps and finally taking those steps on one at a time, gradually moving from the easiest step to the most difficult.
The first step toward practicing systematic desensitization is to list those situations which cause you shyness or anxiety. The list should be arranged in increasing order of difficulty; that is, with the easiest interactions listed first, progressing down toward those which cause greater and greater anxiety. To make this task easier, below is a list of social situations arranged in what I think will be roughly increasing difficulty for most shy people. You can use this list as a framework for your own list. The list progresses from the mildest social situations to the most difficult.
LIST OF SHYNESS SITUATIONS
Conversing with a close relative
Calling information and asking the operator for a telephone number
Calling a local store and asking about the price and availability of an item you want to buy
Asking a clerk in a store for the location of a certain product
Asking a store clerk for information about a certain product.
Asking a reference librarian for help in finding certain information
Making brief conversation with a store clerk while having your merchandise rung up, or with a waitress while placing an order
Entering into a lengthier conversation with a store clerk or waitress
Conversing with a friend of a member of your family
Conversing with a friend of an older member of your family
Initiating a conversation with a member of your church who's your own age
Initiating a conversation with a member of your church who's older than you
Initiating a conversation with a church leader
Conversing with a distant relative
Talking to your hair stylist or barber while having your hair cut
Initiating a conversation with a stranger while waiting in line at the grocery store or movie theater
Initiating a conversation with a stranger while waiting in the doctor's office or repair shop
Initiating a conversation with someone while waiting at a bus stop
Introducing yourself and entering into a conversation with a new neighbor
Introducing yourself and entering into a brief conversation with a classmate
Introducing yourself and entering into a lengthier conversation with a classmate
Initiating a conversation with someone in the school cafeteria
Initiating a brief conversation with a classmate of the opposite sex
Initiating a brief conversation with an attractive classmate of the opposite sex
Initiating a lengthier conversation with a classmate of the opposite sex
Initiating a lengthy conversation with an attractive classmate of the opposite sex
Raising your hand and volunteering information in class
Volunteering information in a class in which you are not required to raise your hand
Participation in a "round-robin" discussion in class
Asking your teacher for clarification on something you don't understand in private
Asking your teacher for clarification on something you don't understand in front of the rest of the class
Initiating a friendly conversation with a teacher or instructor before or after class
Returning defective merchandise to a store
Returning merchandise to a store because you decide you don't like it
Asking for satisfaction from service personnel, such as a car mechanic
Asking your doctor a list of questions that you want answered
Asking your doctor for clarification on something you don't understand
Carrying on a regular conversation with your doctor
Starting a conversation with a new co-worker
Starting a conversation with your boss
Going with a buddy to a party attended by people whom you know
Going with a buddy to a party attended by strangers
Going by yourself to a party attended by people whom you know
Going by yourself to a party attended by strangers
Going with a friend to an office party or picnic attended by co-workers, their friends and their families
Going by yourself to an office party or picnic
Going to a club or organization meeting and striking up a conversation with the people there
Asking someone you find "average-looking" out on a date
Asking someone you find attractive out on a date
Going out on a date with someone you find "average looking"
Going out on a date with someone you find attractive
Meeting your date's parents
Spending an evening with your date's parents
Dancing at a social event
Going to a singles bar and striking up a conversation with people there
Calling local employers and asking for a job interview
Going to a job interview
Going to a very important job interview
Giving a speech in front of a small group
Giving a speech in front of a large group
Giving a speech in front of a very large group
Paste this list of situations into your word processor. Eliminate any situations that aren't a problem for you, and add any that may not be included. Next, arrange them in ascending order of difficulty. After you have done so, print them out.
The next step is to tackle these shyness-producing situations one at a time, progressing from the easiest to the most difficult. To do this, you must set goals for yourself.
Set aside a couple of weeks for each shyness situation. Every day, make a deliberate point of getting into a situation in which you will have an opportunity to practice a skill on your list which you have set aside to practice during that week. When you have practiced a particular skill on your list every day for two weeks, move on to the next one. Continue this way until you have worked your way completely down the list.
This technique doesn't work perfectly, because life doesn't always hand out experiences in the order we've decided would be best, but don't worry; the technique will still be effective.
Another tip: most of these situations can be made more challenging by increasing how much time you spend in that situation, or by increasing the difficulty in some other way. For example, you may have no trouble asking a librarian to help you find something, but entering into a brief conversation with him or her may be a little more difficult. Or, a short conversation with someone you meet at school may be easy, but a longer one may be more challenging. In this way you can "fine tune" your graduated desensitization regimen in a way that allows you to achieve a very smooth increase in its difficulty level.
One of the easiest ways to begin is to try striking up little conversations with store clerks. This gives you an opportunity to practice overcoming your shyness every time you pick up a magazine or buy a candy bar. The conversations don't have to be long ones, and you can close the conversation whenever you wish. Another advantage is that since you have no need to see these people again, you have no reason to be upset if you say something you later decide was less than brilliant. Of course, make sure there isn't a long line of other shoppers waiting behind you when you try this technique!!
ya .. i think its not bad u kno?
I am 78 years old and regret that I wasted my youth with shyness, so I think it will be great if you do try to overcome it. Here are some sites that will help you:
This site includes a quiz to help you rate your level of shyness:
http://members.aol.com/cybernettr/shynes...
These sites are called "How to Overcome Shyness:"
http://teenadvice.about.com/cs/amipregna...
http://www.nefsky.com/pg-shyness.htm...
http://www.schoolzone.co.uk/resources/ar...
A skilled mental health professional can very helpful in assessing the degree to which your shyness is affecting your well-being and can help you determine whether or not shyness is really the problem, versus some other type of emotional difficulty (anxiety, depression, etc.).
I found that the first step to work for me in overcoming shyness at a social occasion was to look around the room for someone else who appeared to be shy and talk to him or her. My reward was that the individual would be so grateful that it made me feel good! But, then move on to another person - don't go off in a corner with just one individual.
Get people to talk about themselves; you will find that it is their favorite subject!
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Its hard to do ... But to fix it you just have to go out and ignore the fear and be youself ... a more outgoing confident version of yourself... it takes some getting used to but after a while it becomes normal.. Im not that far yet.. working on it
be busy &try to mix with every one.that's all.
yes ..shyness is mistaken for weakness..
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