Why do complete strangers feel comfortable telling me their most intimate secrets/problems?
Answer:
You have a magnetic personality, people are drawn to you and feel safe with you. If you are OK with this and it does not bother you what's the harm? If however it makes you uncomfortable politely try to work yourself out the question even if its just saying you are very busy right now and have to go.
Ah Great Queen of the Icene - it's because you are a good listener.
if you want to distance yourself maybe you should just let the person know that lately you have had enough drama in your life all ready and you just want to take a break from it all. Im sure the people would understand considering how much people complain to you
I get that al lot too but I try not to let others become dependent on me..In being their confidante they are transferring some of their emotional baggage to you .Most people don't want advice they only want reassurance of choices made and an echo of their own feelings. Some people thrive on pity from others. In my job I am not approached in that manner my profession doesn't encourage that ..but in my private life its a constant thing. I have gotten to the point that I say..."OK your life so far sucks,so what are you going to do with the rest of it ?" Most seem to know I will not enable their self pity after that...
when someone starts to get all woa mee on ya!
Here are a few nice bold movies you can use.
Look at that person in the eye and say I would love to hear more of this and will but right now i'm not in the mindset to deal with anything that isn't uplifting see i'm having a problem with helping people! Yeah then make up a story or let it be real but switch the topic over to focus on you or something else instead! just make sure you let them know i would love to hear more..
or i hate to interupt you however i'm feeling a little down is your story going to uplift me? if not can i wait until i'm in a better mood! Thanks ...
i hope it helps!
Good luck
Mad Luv made a very good point in shifting the focus of the conversation to yourself. If the person giving you drama, realizes that at that moment, you're not going to buy into it, they may quit trying. In order to lessen hurt feelings, it would be a good idea to touch base with the person later, let them know that you understood and empathized. When you touch base, make sure that you or they are in a situation where there cannot be prolonged discussion, as they may not have let go yet. Maybe as you're both leaving work (example if it's a co-worker).
unfortunately, we live in a society in which extended families in which one could count on as listeners does not exist. usually if complete strangers how you said come to you it is because they have no one else to tell it to. they really have to tell someone, and by listenin you do them a favor, but if you dont want to listen then just say you dont have time or something
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