Why is sexual abuse rarely portrayed or seen realistically?
Answer:
There is a book by Judith Levine you should read.
She brings up cases like yours and makes the case that our narrow popular portrayals have exactly the effect you describe. She also notes that the strict taboo in our society makes it impossible for people in your position to be properly equipped and informed to handle the situation. Perhaps that is part of the reason it got too one-sided and out of control.
It may be hard to find a copy. It set off such a firestorm when it was first published, but check here:
http://www.amazon.com/harmful-minors-per...
By the way, one of the cases studies she uses was her own experience as a young teen.
Well, I don't know about your personal experience but there are many, many more people who were sexually abused and who suffer great psychological handicaps because of it. Their experiences are no more unrealistic than yours.
Not knowing for sure, I'd guess that your particular experience is the exception rather than the rule. Sexual abuse has ruined many people's lives. That's a documented fact.
Well, then you are one of the lucky ones. Most sexual abuse, I would imagine, is forced, violent and altogether sickening for the one being abused. Small children, old women, and young teenagers are the worst. I say that, but for anyone, unasked for, or forced sex is really, really bad.
Sexual abusive is usually portrayed harshly becuase it is usually "abusive." Hence the name. It usually is not consentual as in your case. Not to say you are better off, but you are lucky that your case wasn't traumatic and life altering, because for a lot of people who have been abused this is exactly the case. It is also portrayed harshly to magnify how wrong it is. Portraying it mildly would not put enough emphasis on the severity of the actions.
Again, you were lucky that yours was not severe, against your will, forceful, and traumatic. But for a lot of people it is, and that is the point that is being conveyed.
You're entitled to feel how you want to feel. However along with that type of traumatic experience victims often "identify" with their attacker. It's called Stockholm syndrome and would be beneficial to read up on.
A man/women who touches any child is psychologically sick beyond belief. An adult should never touch a child... NEVER. You say you did not experience any trauma from this experience, but I see trauma just in your response... you are excusing their behaviour and you are starting to feel that it's nothing to be disgusted about. that is another form of trauma and a dangerous one to.
Good for you by being proactive and realizing there is nothing you could do so you were handed a deck of card most humas would woulf folded but you won anyway!
if only half the world would stop playing the victum
Kudo's to you!
i concur that it's not right that our world makes it to be supper bad and everyone should be victuimized by it!
i wonder if it is because the pound into our head that sex is suppose to be special..
umm great post!
Any type of abuse to anyone as a child is too horrendous to portray realistically without it becoming abuse itself. Every victim has different trauma aspects and you need to respect that your situation is vastly different than those of others that actually survive the ordeal.And when they do , if they do not get counseling and medical attention they can end up emotionally and physically destroyed for the rest of their lives.
Have you received any counseling from your ordeal? It is not normal to have a sexual relationship with a child. It is against the law.So he was selfish from the very beginning.The victimizers are all about making it seem that it is your idea and playing mind games to keep you from telling or being scared. Anyone who does this IS a monster and needs to be castrated if he can't control his urges!
As a survivor and as the mother of survivor also I know that your experience is caused by denial. You wanted the relationship so much that you didn't deal with what was happening to you. If you had a good relationship with this person he wouldn't have done anything to you that anyone else could have considered child abuse. You seem like your asking a question about why you haven't felt what others have and that you feel strange because you didn't. If you allow yourself to feel what others have you would have had to admit that something wrong was done to you. Since you don't state what age you were doing the incidents, We can't know whether you were really of an age to consent. Let's put it this way if he had been a stranger and someone found out that it had happen would he have been arrested for rape or not? If you say yes than it was a case of abuse and that you weren't an age of consent. If you weren't of an age of consent with a stranger than you were doubly unable to consent. The part that you seem not to get is that no one I don't care who it was should touch you when you aren't old enough to really know what 's going on. When I take my daughter to the doctor even the doctor does not touch her vaginal area unless she's complained about irritation in that area. Only your partner should touch you intimalely. If you've had a gyn exam although the doctor has to examin your vaginal area it's in a totally differnet way than your lover would do it. If you were touched as a lover when you were a child it was wrong and I'll be that it did affect you. If for no other reason that you had to convince yourself that you weren't troubled by what had happen to you. If you were truly ok with it you would't have to ask if it was ok and you would't have to justify what happen by saying that you and the person had a good relationship. Adults who have good relationships with children don't touch them. I have worked with hunddreds of children over the last 30 years. I have never touched a child that I wasn't changing thier diaper or teaching them to use the toliet and how to make sure that they have wiped themselves well so that they don't get any infections from poor hygine.
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