How can I eliminate my Father from my life?
My father has a huge alcohol problem, and also a narcotics problem. He is a habitual pot smoker. I do not agree with narcotics use of any kind. I have put up with his use of pot to try to salvage what was left of our relationship. He did something that totally infuriated me last Thursday. He pulled his bong out in front of me and proceeded to try to smoke in fron of me. I am 20 years old, and about to leave for upper level college. My whole life, my father has never been there for me when I have needed him to be there. I have problems with anger and low self-esteem, because of my inept parents. My mothere, even though she is the root of my problems, has always been there for me, so I do not blame her. Concerning my father though, I hate this man, and I do not want him in my life anymore. I would like to know how I can eliminate him from my life, without him yelling and screaming. Please help me, and thank you in advance for the advice.
Answer:
All I can think is poor you - that is a rotten way to have been brought up. Since you're getting ready to leave, I have to believe that you are able to take care of yourself for the most part. I would highly recommend that once you get settled at the college, that you seek help with their mental health department. You've been shouldering a huge amount of stress, and your anger and low self-esteem issues need to be dealt with. You're 20 years old now. You are an adult, so now you get to decide what is right and what is wrong for you. A good therapist/counselor can guide you through the mire of past experiences. Don't bother blaming anyone - your parents are human and obviously have made bad choices. It doesn't have to affect you anymore. As for your father yelling and screaming if you eliminate him from your life - don't let him put you through a guilt trip. He has brought this upon himself by not being a man that you can be proud of, that you can emulate, that has value in your life. He doesn't have any respect for you or he would never have pulled his bong out in front of you. I further believe that both your parents are toxic to you at this point in your life. You don't have to have any contact with them. Emotionally you will probably feel a huge hole in your life, but that's why you need to see a therapist/counsellor, You will find ways to fill this void. The future may even find you forgiving your father - maybe not. Take care of you first. I feel as if neither one of them put you first before. They appear to have forgotten that you were the child, and it was not your responsibility to salvage a relationship between you and an irresponsible parent. I'm sorry you have gone through this, and I wish you a great deal of luck. Take good care of you, get a good support system (a therapist, friends, maybe group therapy with a "children of alcoholics" group), and deal with your anger issues. As you take care of yourself, you will find that you are a worthwhile person, and, as you count your blessings, you will find your self-esteem isn't low, it was just hidden. I wish you the very best of luck.
he was just trying to be cool with your uptight @$$
stop blaming your parents for your low self-esteem, everybody is their own individual and i'd advise you to focus on school, so you can move the phuck out
murder him. ill help you bury the body. seriously. murder is the way to go
Move out and move in with another relative or if you want to help him make him visit a psychologist so they can help him and treat him.
You should step away from them both regardless of your mother being there for you. If you cannot be around your father and she stays with someone this bad, it's her fate and she has accepted that.
You, on the other hand must decide both or none. As long as your mother is with him you will have to deal with being around him at some point.
It's time to talk to get some therapy and work through your issues. It will give you a chance to put all your thoughts and feelings out on the table, so to speak, and then organize things for you to make a decision you can accept and live with. This is something you must deal with for the rest of your life and the making the right decision for you is all that is important. Good luck with your problem.
Go to college and don't look back. I hope it isn't up to him to pay for your schooling. That way, you'd have to stay in contact with him. If you have gotten so far as to be able to go to college, then while your there, get some councel and move on with your life. You are at a perfect age to change the way things are. Go for broke and best of luck to you.
i don't know if i would be te right prson, i'm going thru this with my son, he hates my husband, says he has never een there for him. but i know of him being by his side for evrything he needed, almost killed himself trying to gt home when he got a call saying my son had been kidnapped, held his hand in the ER when we thought he had alcohol poisoning, now he has burned all his bridges of tust and placed himself i ba situations, wanted by he law, my son i mean. i don't know personally your situation but i know from experience that kids don't always remember the things their parents do. I don't agree with his lifestyle, but if a bon and alcohol is all there is to be upset bout, you are pretty lucky consdering what other kids have had to deal with.
communication is the key to relationship so keep it to a minimum the relationship will break down (it worked for me)although you should expect a few awkward silences
if he does scream and yell as you say he may just refuse to be drawn into his idiotic ramblings
Dear James:
First up, it's quite difficult to give anyone short, quick and possibly cute answers to apparent longterm adversities such as yours.
Secondly, yet, most importantly, please realize that you are definitely not alone in such things.
As you say you are going to be leaving home for college soon, the best suggestion I can offer is that you do seek out support from groups and other individuals in your area who do understand and can/will offer their assistance of your condition.
Your campus friends or counselors can guide you to such places offering Alcoholics Anonymous-type programs, eg AlaTeen; Narcotics Anonymous; etc. etc.
You will find people in these programs who have similar backgrounds and experiences as yours, and will be happy and willing to bond with you to make you the best person you can be. And as they say: There is strength in numbers.
And just know too, that there is no shame nor dishonor in stretching out your hand and asking somebody for help.
Good luck to you in your time at college; but more importantly good luck to you in your life!!
Peace Out!
Dixon Steele
Unfortunately- he is and will always be your father. Even though you dont agree with what he does, dont make him wrong for it. Who is to say what is right or wrong. You dont have to accept what he does, or who he is when he does it, but accept that "that is just who your dad is". Dont take it personal. Its not about you. It is how he has learned to deal with whatever he is going thru. In his world..past/and present, it may be acceptable for him. You dont have to agree..or do what he does. But when you accept him for who he is..and dont make him wrong for it, you will be able to be free from being angry, and having low self esteem issues. He is who he is... you cant change him, and no one else can. If you choose not to be around him, thats ok, but its your choice. Life is full of choices. Dont waste your enegy on trying to control his. control yours..and you will go very far. Be aware of your feelings..and accept what is.
Turn him in and sent him to prison or, leave and don't contact him. It seems he is trying to eliminate himself from every ones life though.
More Questions and Answers:
Extremely affraid of death?
IQ question?
How do i boost my confidence?
ANSWER PLEASE! what does my nightmares mean? or is doesnt mean anything?...?
With Depression?
What is the name of the phobia when you have a fear of many small cirlces/holes/spots joined together??
Self-Esteem?
I just graduated with a BA in Psychology. What can I do with my BA?
Do u think telepathy works? Has it worked for u ?
How do you deal with it ? or What do think about it ?
Answer:
All I can think is poor you - that is a rotten way to have been brought up. Since you're getting ready to leave, I have to believe that you are able to take care of yourself for the most part. I would highly recommend that once you get settled at the college, that you seek help with their mental health department. You've been shouldering a huge amount of stress, and your anger and low self-esteem issues need to be dealt with. You're 20 years old now. You are an adult, so now you get to decide what is right and what is wrong for you. A good therapist/counselor can guide you through the mire of past experiences. Don't bother blaming anyone - your parents are human and obviously have made bad choices. It doesn't have to affect you anymore. As for your father yelling and screaming if you eliminate him from your life - don't let him put you through a guilt trip. He has brought this upon himself by not being a man that you can be proud of, that you can emulate, that has value in your life. He doesn't have any respect for you or he would never have pulled his bong out in front of you. I further believe that both your parents are toxic to you at this point in your life. You don't have to have any contact with them. Emotionally you will probably feel a huge hole in your life, but that's why you need to see a therapist/counsellor, You will find ways to fill this void. The future may even find you forgiving your father - maybe not. Take care of you first. I feel as if neither one of them put you first before. They appear to have forgotten that you were the child, and it was not your responsibility to salvage a relationship between you and an irresponsible parent. I'm sorry you have gone through this, and I wish you a great deal of luck. Take good care of you, get a good support system (a therapist, friends, maybe group therapy with a "children of alcoholics" group), and deal with your anger issues. As you take care of yourself, you will find that you are a worthwhile person, and, as you count your blessings, you will find your self-esteem isn't low, it was just hidden. I wish you the very best of luck.
he was just trying to be cool with your uptight @$$
stop blaming your parents for your low self-esteem, everybody is their own individual and i'd advise you to focus on school, so you can move the phuck out
murder him. ill help you bury the body. seriously. murder is the way to go
Move out and move in with another relative or if you want to help him make him visit a psychologist so they can help him and treat him.
You should step away from them both regardless of your mother being there for you. If you cannot be around your father and she stays with someone this bad, it's her fate and she has accepted that.
You, on the other hand must decide both or none. As long as your mother is with him you will have to deal with being around him at some point.
It's time to talk to get some therapy and work through your issues. It will give you a chance to put all your thoughts and feelings out on the table, so to speak, and then organize things for you to make a decision you can accept and live with. This is something you must deal with for the rest of your life and the making the right decision for you is all that is important. Good luck with your problem.
Go to college and don't look back. I hope it isn't up to him to pay for your schooling. That way, you'd have to stay in contact with him. If you have gotten so far as to be able to go to college, then while your there, get some councel and move on with your life. You are at a perfect age to change the way things are. Go for broke and best of luck to you.
i don't know if i would be te right prson, i'm going thru this with my son, he hates my husband, says he has never een there for him. but i know of him being by his side for evrything he needed, almost killed himself trying to gt home when he got a call saying my son had been kidnapped, held his hand in the ER when we thought he had alcohol poisoning, now he has burned all his bridges of tust and placed himself i ba situations, wanted by he law, my son i mean. i don't know personally your situation but i know from experience that kids don't always remember the things their parents do. I don't agree with his lifestyle, but if a bon and alcohol is all there is to be upset bout, you are pretty lucky consdering what other kids have had to deal with.
communication is the key to relationship so keep it to a minimum the relationship will break down (it worked for me)although you should expect a few awkward silences
if he does scream and yell as you say he may just refuse to be drawn into his idiotic ramblings
Dear James:
First up, it's quite difficult to give anyone short, quick and possibly cute answers to apparent longterm adversities such as yours.
Secondly, yet, most importantly, please realize that you are definitely not alone in such things.
As you say you are going to be leaving home for college soon, the best suggestion I can offer is that you do seek out support from groups and other individuals in your area who do understand and can/will offer their assistance of your condition.
Your campus friends or counselors can guide you to such places offering Alcoholics Anonymous-type programs, eg AlaTeen; Narcotics Anonymous; etc. etc.
You will find people in these programs who have similar backgrounds and experiences as yours, and will be happy and willing to bond with you to make you the best person you can be. And as they say: There is strength in numbers.
And just know too, that there is no shame nor dishonor in stretching out your hand and asking somebody for help.
Good luck to you in your time at college; but more importantly good luck to you in your life!!
Peace Out!
Dixon Steele
Unfortunately- he is and will always be your father. Even though you dont agree with what he does, dont make him wrong for it. Who is to say what is right or wrong. You dont have to accept what he does, or who he is when he does it, but accept that "that is just who your dad is". Dont take it personal. Its not about you. It is how he has learned to deal with whatever he is going thru. In his world..past/and present, it may be acceptable for him. You dont have to agree..or do what he does. But when you accept him for who he is..and dont make him wrong for it, you will be able to be free from being angry, and having low self esteem issues. He is who he is... you cant change him, and no one else can. If you choose not to be around him, thats ok, but its your choice. Life is full of choices. Dont waste your enegy on trying to control his. control yours..and you will go very far. Be aware of your feelings..and accept what is.
Turn him in and sent him to prison or, leave and don't contact him. It seems he is trying to eliminate himself from every ones life though.
The answers post by the user, for information only, FunQA.com does not guarantee the right.
More Questions and Answers: