Please help with this psychological problem.?
Answer:
l personally feel you did the right thing. You didn't initiate the fight you were sticking up for yourself. If you hadn't the bully would keep doing what he thought he could get away with.
They are weak and only go after someone they feel they can intimidate. Grab him right by the shirt collar look him square in the eye and tell him you are not afraid. Let him know he may kick your *** but he damn sure will know you existed.
It is NOT defeat. Don't ever feel like you need to act tough in front of your friends. From a girls point of view, I think it shows the stronger person to just walk away. It shows that a guy is not afraid to be himself, and act like a normal person.
Take up martial arts. Then the worst case scenario is that you make the person look silly and ineffective without hurting them or going to jail. It worked for me.
Nope, if you take the high road and learn from the bullying then you will be able to deal with things better later in life. Someday you may have a boss you don't like, or that treats you like crap and if you want to keep your job you may have to take it. Now in the long run does any of it matter at all? No. Besides, if the Bully is big and dumb you might be his boss one day
No. No defeat. Just ignore him. It'll be a victory in the bully's eyes but who cares? If I was your friend I would be far more impressed if you don't let it bother you and I would say 'Wow he's really cool and doesn't let things get to him.'
If you feel you need to impress people by fighting, then I know why the bully picks on you. The bully instinctively knows that you harbor this weakness. It IS a weakness, if you feel the only (or best) way to prove that you are "something" is by fighting. You don't have a "bully" problem so much as you have a self-image and self-confidence problem. You are right to have prefaced your question as a "psychological problem."
Having said as much, I don't think you're a hopeless case. In fact, facing your own "psychological problem" this boldly and honestly reveals some undercurrent of strength that you are not aware of and haven't tapped yet. Keep your finger on it; draw on it once in a while!
You are also very correct that this feeling might land you in more trouble in future. What do you think will be "lost" if you "lose"? Do you fight out of a desperation to be seen, be noticed? Out of a need to know, even for yourself, that "you" are there? If this is the case, indeed, it becomes imperative that you never lose. If you lose, you might disappear.
It may benefit you to talk to a counselor about these things. It may also benefit you just to sit down and make a list of all the things that are good about you. Make a list of all that you've accomplished in your life, from successfully scrambling eggs to winning a classroom award to finishing a really long, difficult book, to changing your own tire. Make a list of the people who are your friends. Make note of all the times you've heard "good work!" from a teacher or co-worker. Simply put, make a sum of yourself on paper. I'll bet you'll find it's far more substantial than you ever would have credited yourself had you not done it. I'll bet it's also enough to make you start believing that you are somebody--without having to fight to prove it. Once you start believing that, then No, it is not a defeat if some bully abuses you and you just ignore it. That is the position of strength.
unless you are cornered and fear for your personal safety, I believe the best course of action is to ignore it because he wants to hear your pain. if cornered, I geuss you'll have to do the best you can. However, non-violence cannot be defeated.
On the contrary, the defeat occurs when you decide to go with your desire to attack the bully. By engaging him, you're actually descending to the bully's level. Here's the thing about bullies: they WANT you to react in anger to their taunting. Bullying is all about making oneself feel better by putting someone else down. If you acknowledge what the bully is saying by fighting back, you are telling him, in effect, that he's right about what he said to you, that he really hit home with his remarks.
It takes a very strong person to ignore a bully's abuses. If you ignore him, you are actually defeating the whole purpose of his taunts: to get a rise out of you and make himself feel better by watching you get angry. So, ignoring a bully is not losing; it's actually WINNING!
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