Does anyone else ever revel or feel secure in the belief that they're screwed up?
Answer:
Rejecting others gives us all a bit of a rush because it's an experience of power. There's also a tremendous sense of relief that the scary event of potential closeness has ended.
Our culture views intimacy as a warm, cuddly, safe place but that's more superstition and imposed fantasy of an adult version of infancy than reality.
In genuine intimacy, we come dangerously close to another. If we're really emotionally aware and present the normal ebbs and flows of human experience that make us sometimes prickly poke and jab at the Other. OUCH.
Genuine intimacy is for the courageous and the capable; It's hard to develop your courage and capability without practice. Most of us play in the shallow waters of intimicy while we develop our ability to go deeper.
The trouble with finding a way to get a buzz off of avoidance is that the buzz in and of itself can become addictive.
If you have friends, but aren't successfully going deeper, perhaps it's a good time to work on deepening your relationship with yourself, mainting but not expanding the network of relationship you already have.
I ahte you yank away your security blanket, but the problems you describle are boringly normal. Furthermore, I have met many people with actual, serious mental problems that would make you look like Joe Average. I'm sorry to say but you are nothing but a wannabe. Instead of trying to convince everyone you are special or abnormal in some way, why don't you jsut concentrate on doing things that make you happy and stop worrying about others' perceptions of you.
I am the same way and yes I feel very secure and safe being that way. Yes at times it's depressing, but hey can't get hurt that way. There are alot of people that are like that and yes I am screwed up, but happy for the most part.
You're scared of trying to build a life that you value. At the moment, everything seems pointless and you're comfortable because you can't screw it up right? Friends are something dear that you can lose, so you push them away and the anxiety goes - the buzz is relief.
Oh, and ignore the Economist. He's just trying to showboat his own issues.
I dont revel but I do think I use my insecurities as an excuse not to move forward with my life as its easier. I think a lot of people do that its easier to have psychological problems rather than resolve them as you havent got any excuses to hide behind.
you're on a power tripp, you'll regret it when you're old and wrinkly and there's no one around. You've obviously realised the error of your ways so just let people in. I think you're scared of getting hurt, has anything happened in your past to make you feel this way? Dont you feel alone? You're not screwed up, you sound like someone who is really in control of their feelings and emotions. But you must try to let people in, dont worry they wont let you down!
you might have a rare personality disorder called "Avoidant Personality Disorder"...but thats just a guess based on the small amount of info youve provided...i have a social anxiety problem and i cant say that ive ever felt "secure" knowing that i have it and it doesnt make me feel special...to me it is a huge obstacle that keeps me from living life to its fullest...either way, what you described is definitely a paradox...
It sounds like you're a bit addicted to being alone, & it looks like you're using your beliefs as a shield to avoid being in a relationship.
Maybe you're afraid of being hurt, or maybe you don't want to take the effort to get into a relationship, but this is something that you need to address.
Trust me, I get like this at times. While I crave companionship, I become overwhelmed by the idea of having a friend or boyfriend & somehow I believe that I am responsible for their entire wellbeing. I also begin to choke up & get overly nervous about speaking to them (boyfriend-wise). Does this sound familiar?
It can be a result of many issues, with some being hormonal & some being a result of issues earlier in life. You need to deal with this now, while you are still young, so it doesn't cripple you later in life.
Sadly, we now live in a society that embraces the never ending pursuit to justify all ills. One constantly gets to hear about how someone KNOWS they are not happy, realizes the are hurtful or anti-social, but they can't help it because of fill-in-the-blank-here. Now you are relieved of all responsibility for your actions - go out and do as you will.
No offense intended here, but it is very avant-garde to be "screwed up" these days. Why not try a fresh new approach and get a "buzz" from helping someone else? I always find that the less I focus on myself the more I can see what I need to do around me - then I get a "warm fuzzy buzz" by being a help to others instead of a burden.
For what it's worth, may God bless you today for even asking the question!!
I would wager that it is not the word "safe" you feel from your ability to shut off your emotions or you wouldn't be asking the question here that you are. I would guess that you feel "power" when you do that. You feel that you are more powerful than the person who you feel is "weak" or someone who has not "earned" the respect you hold in wait for them to do something so monumentally different than anyone else you've met. You're setting yourself up for failure. It sounds to me that you have not forgiven the people who have hurt you in the past. It sounds to me that their power over you is the furnace that burns this need to have power of your own. Once you decide to stop letting those people have power over you then and only then will your forgiveness give you the opportunity to open your heart and truly accept love. Until you can accept it you cannot give it.
Odd - I would say you are enjoying the attention and also enjoying the control you have over them when you push them away.
I can honestly say that at times I have felt screwed up I also felt concerned for my mental health and wellbeing.
Well, I know I'm emotionally disturbed, but I sure as hell don't enjoy it. I go thru every day feeling like a freak and hating myself. If you feel good about yourself, the more power to you.
being screwed up dont have to handle the issues just get ratty
no cover no reason just a tremmor !
I think that when you push someone away it gives you a sense of power and being in control of your life.
The other person is trying to get close because they care and you pushing them away stops you from getting hurt. You feel needed by them and pushing them away and pretending that you dont need them is the only way you can stay in control
I have a similar problem and I understand the question, I just dont know what the correct answer is.
Close your heart, afraid of being hurt. You may have relating problems or committment problems. How is your relationship with your parents?
You secretly like to be in control of the relationship because being in control of the relationship is how you protect yourself from being hurt. You must have really been hurt by somebody in the past.
I have come to the realization that everyone is screwed up in one way or another, so I feel it is ok for me to be screwed up too!
I hope I will find the way to happiness, and I hope you will also, but the first thing we have to do is learn how to trust.
Learn to trust yourself for the first step. Learn to trust your feelings. You can't let anyone close because you aren't trusting yourself to be a good judge of what will happen with any relationships.
Gracious, Sounds like a Pity-Party.
You find it hard to be close to people and forge friendships but deep inside you need friends. When someone tries to be close to you, it allows you to feel that you are still capable of being liked and this gives you joy. However, you are afraid you might not be able to sustain the friendship so you preempt being rejected by rejecting them ahead. I think that maybe you are deeply insecure and must have been hurt deeply in the past. I think that it will be a good idea to try to know yourself, examine your deepest thoughts and desires, etc. Sometimes writing a journal will help you know your deepest feelings and thoughts.
be happy you have friends and if you dont have any friends be happy about that to
I think it's called "fear of success". You're accustomed to failure in relationships, so you know how to act. But, if you experienced a good, healthy relationship, it would be unfamiliar and therefore too uncomfortable for you to handle. If you don't want a lifetime of loneliness, then you need to start putting yourself in uncomfortable situations - eventually you'll get used to it, and it'll become the norm for you.
I have no friends and the reason for that is all of my friends die or are dead.And frankly as soon as a person tries to get close to me I push them away. It all started In the late sixties in VIETNAM I was in the U.S.M.C as a rifleman I saw my share of action nothing to brag about, but the reason for me to bring this up is that every time that I got close to somebody they ended up KIA(KILLED IN ACTION) I was sent home after being wounded bad enough to get me out of country back to the states I was home for three days and was a passenger in a car where one of my child hood friends was killed . And it was like a chain reaction, lost one in a house fire some body dropped a cigarette in the couch I wasn't there so it was not mine then another who I considered may my last and best fiend was killed in another car accident in which his girl was driving. So my problems in making friends is logical so be happy that the problem that you have is just being screwed up.
I think it's something we naturally grow out of. I don't mean it's age related, or maturity related. We all like a change in scenery in life, and eventually we change that aspect of ourselves, too, when we tire of it. I speak from personal experience.
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