Do you know anyone who is PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE?
She will not tell me when she is mad. She will tell my dad & he will come tell me about it.
She will never say NO to a request & will then sulk when doing the task or fulfilling the request.
It is very similar to lying, imo.
For example:
I ask her if she can watch my son, she says yes- then cries/whines the whole time she is watching him.
I would have found someone else to do it, no problem.
I will just have to anticipate the behaviors & act accordingly, I guess.
Answer:
Hi...this sounds very typical of my mum...
Try to encourage your mum to be more assertive - although at the end of the day I have learnt just to let her be.
I found out through councilling that I could not help my mum, she needed to figure things out for herself - I can support her but not enable her. Which means now I give her apx 5 minutes (if she is going to winge to me when she calls) about past stuff and then I politely say "nice to hear from you, I have to go now - Love you bye"...and this has worked really well. The boundaries are much clearer now.
You need to be honest with your mum without being cruel - Let her know that it is unacceptable for her to behave this way in front of your child as it will be quite negative for your son and you don't want your mum to pass on these traits to him.
Keep things positive and do your own thing. Get another babysitter and only if she asks, let her babysit your son (I did this and I felt better and even my mum said that she prefered it that way). If she complains after asking to watch him then stop it all together until you feel it is ok to try it again, as it is not good for your son or you.
You are not responsible for you mum and her actions - she is. So you don't need to anticipate her behavior...just decide what you feel is acceptable behavior (what you would accept from anyone else) and accept only that. Your mum, just like you, has choices in life and she chooses to act a certain way, therefore it is her responsibility to deal with the conquenses of her behaviour (just like anyone else). Also your dad is enabling you mum by choosing to be in the middle.
My mum found it all a bit hard at first, she thought I didn't love her and she packed a bit of a sad but over time,about 3-6 months, and me keeping positive with her...all came good. And now 4 years later we have a much better relationship and I enjoy spending time with her now.
What you could do is seek councilling yourself, and seek professional advice on what to do because you only have one mum and the feeling I get from your coment is that you do love her...and it is important that your son has his grandma in his life. What has worked for me/other people may not be what is right for you.
I sincerely hope all goes well for you both.
Yes i know someone that is passive aggressive, but in a different way. my best friend is a very shy, timid guy, not easily upset, or you would think. but dont keep poking the bear because he can blow up. i think your mom is more passive than anything unless you witness her blowing up. either way my friend needs to start asserting himself in a healthy way, just like your mom should before people realize she is like that and take advantage of that. i hope this helps.
i am, and it sux. trying, trying, trying, to be good!
i thought passive aggressive meant someone who is not doing anything physically aggressive (being passive, just standing there, looking at you) but you can see they want to hurt you, and they want you to see that they want to hurt you
their energy is aggressive and so is their body language, and they are using it to intimidate you, and they know it, and its kind of scary, espesh since the person is just standing there, doing nothing but staring at you... am i mistaken? is there another name for this behaviuor?
your mom just sounds like a whiner to me, maybe she was raised not to say no, but she really wants to show you her disaproval instead of telling you cos... i dunno, its rude or something. ?
Yes, Passive aggressive means that you are the type of person who always wants to please others and have a hard time with confrontation and saying no, so instead of confronting the person yourself you discuss it with others and hope someone else will confront the person for you. When they do not achieve the goal they become more and more agitated until they finally become angry. Many people don't realize that passive aggressiveness is a behavioral disorder usually associated with panic attacks, anxiety, and depression. I am passive aggressive and it sucks. I suggest you offer your mother an out when you ask her for something, for instance, "Mom can you babysit for me, if you can't, I can always ask so and so to do it." : )
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