How do I overcome being Painfully shy?
Funny-I feel confident in talking to people over the phone, but everyday face to face convers.-painfully shy in express. what I think- I stumble over my words-so much anxiety about saying the right thing and being conscious of my facial express. which don't match my words or feelings--I'm told I have a very comforting voice but I just know all of that melts away when face to face--I feel like unless I'm acting like I exude confidence, I don't have any--I'm so painfully aware of what people must think after talking to me and I just don't get my point across sometimes because of it--it's like a social awkwardness-I just moved and my roomates have lived here a while and have routines, their own friends, etc...I feel so alone and I just crave and miss the niceities of close relationships but can't put myself out there--I have no self confidence. I fear eye contact, can't afford therapy, in college, I fear going to the store by myself-get really fidgety and nervous-like all eyes are on me.
Answer:
Don't take my word for it, but I think you might have Social Anxiety Disorder; those are definitely some of the symptoms.
In order to overcome it, you first have to realize that it's not something that can be done in a day. You can change the way you think step by step and start with facing small fears.
I suggest you get professional help or at least understand it better so you'll be able to fix it.
You can click this to read more about it:
http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html...
you'll not get any good about being so shy(that's what others advice me).. but i guess, though a little help.. try making friend online.. raijy_49@yahoo.com... be my friend!
hm. im kinda the same .. the more i'm around ppl the less bad it is. but if im holed up for a week with no contact i just feel horrible. :( feels like i'm walking around, just focusing on what's right in front of me .. and just feeling slower overall !
i think the best way i've heard someone describe it is just to be "less self-centered! ur so worried about how u look to other people, putting all this focus on yourself ... it's not all about you! put more focus on how other people around you are feeling; how to make ppl around u happier/more comfortable etc"
... something like that
... easier said than done ...
i've also heard about ppl finding someone confident they admire, maybe a celebrity, and putting yourself in their mindset .. pretend to be her .. do what they would do in a social situation .. fake it till u make it, progress not perfection! [is that an AA quote? lol] .. etc.
but i'm the opposite when it comes to the phone .. i'm horrible over the phone, but I can usually fake confidence in person.
there are probably a lot more people than u think who go around faking confidence. :/
Give yourself some self-therapy. PRACTICE. Go forth into the public, (PLEASE pick somewhere safe), and practice eye-contact. Say, go to your local coffee shop or book store and just look around and make just brief eye-contact with other coffee drinkers, servers, cashiers, book browsers. When you make eye-contact, just nod or say softly 'hi'. Nothing big. No need to fear being put to death. just 'hi, here i am.'
graduate from that to a very small volunteer work. Say, sorting foods at the food bank, donate a few hours at the church, read to children in the children's ward of your hospital, or senior citizen group. these are all very small things that mean a lot and the recipients of your good works will be very eager to see you so SMILE and realize that you are a good person who needs to get over this.
I have a lot of the same issues as you and I have just recently taken a job as a salesman. Don't ask me how I got this job it just kind of came up. In the beginning I was really struggling with talking with people at trade shows and on the phone even. But what I try to do is just imagine that they are people, friends, family that i've known all my life and talk to them in that manner. Another thing I do is just don't worry what the heck anybody else thinks about me or what I say and just speak my mind. Yeah sometimes it may make somebody mad but i've found that most people are willing to forgive you for this and be right back to normal. If they are not willing to forgive you after you speak your mind then they are probably not worth being friends with or talking to. If they are strangers you'll probably never see them again so what does it matter.
I have no easy answer for you. Is there a Pastor at a church you can confide in? It is not fun to live in fear. I believe your problem is spiritual in nature. I will pray for you. Dear heavenly Father, I pray that you would show yourself to this person, that you would show this person how much you love her. Give her your peace. You have not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power and of a sound mind. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
probably you are grown under a strict and restrictive life. if you identify the actual reason like the one i was doubting above, corrective course you have to take yourself by deep practise.
You're right, you have no self-confidence which is why you are afraid that what you'll say might be wrong or will be laughed at. You have an inferiority complex, you feel that what you say is not important or relevant, that you don't look attractive to everyone else, that there's something wrong with you as a person.all the negative feelings are inside you. All these are only in your MIND. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop downgrading your very person. Think positive. You must exert effort to face the people you meet, start thinking that you can do it, that you are equal to them, if not better than them. Stop thinking of what you're going to say, whether they're the right words or not- they'll just start flowing out of your mouth if you have the confidence. Don't be terribly shy, it get you nothing, it gives you nothing, only fear and loneliness. Do you want that for the rest of your life?
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Answer:
Don't take my word for it, but I think you might have Social Anxiety Disorder; those are definitely some of the symptoms.
In order to overcome it, you first have to realize that it's not something that can be done in a day. You can change the way you think step by step and start with facing small fears.
I suggest you get professional help or at least understand it better so you'll be able to fix it.
You can click this to read more about it:
http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html...
you'll not get any good about being so shy(that's what others advice me).. but i guess, though a little help.. try making friend online.. raijy_49@yahoo.com... be my friend!
hm. im kinda the same .. the more i'm around ppl the less bad it is. but if im holed up for a week with no contact i just feel horrible. :( feels like i'm walking around, just focusing on what's right in front of me .. and just feeling slower overall !
i think the best way i've heard someone describe it is just to be "less self-centered! ur so worried about how u look to other people, putting all this focus on yourself ... it's not all about you! put more focus on how other people around you are feeling; how to make ppl around u happier/more comfortable etc"
... something like that
... easier said than done ...
i've also heard about ppl finding someone confident they admire, maybe a celebrity, and putting yourself in their mindset .. pretend to be her .. do what they would do in a social situation .. fake it till u make it, progress not perfection! [is that an AA quote? lol] .. etc.
but i'm the opposite when it comes to the phone .. i'm horrible over the phone, but I can usually fake confidence in person.
there are probably a lot more people than u think who go around faking confidence. :/
Give yourself some self-therapy. PRACTICE. Go forth into the public, (PLEASE pick somewhere safe), and practice eye-contact. Say, go to your local coffee shop or book store and just look around and make just brief eye-contact with other coffee drinkers, servers, cashiers, book browsers. When you make eye-contact, just nod or say softly 'hi'. Nothing big. No need to fear being put to death. just 'hi, here i am.'
graduate from that to a very small volunteer work. Say, sorting foods at the food bank, donate a few hours at the church, read to children in the children's ward of your hospital, or senior citizen group. these are all very small things that mean a lot and the recipients of your good works will be very eager to see you so SMILE and realize that you are a good person who needs to get over this.
I have a lot of the same issues as you and I have just recently taken a job as a salesman. Don't ask me how I got this job it just kind of came up. In the beginning I was really struggling with talking with people at trade shows and on the phone even. But what I try to do is just imagine that they are people, friends, family that i've known all my life and talk to them in that manner. Another thing I do is just don't worry what the heck anybody else thinks about me or what I say and just speak my mind. Yeah sometimes it may make somebody mad but i've found that most people are willing to forgive you for this and be right back to normal. If they are not willing to forgive you after you speak your mind then they are probably not worth being friends with or talking to. If they are strangers you'll probably never see them again so what does it matter.
I have no easy answer for you. Is there a Pastor at a church you can confide in? It is not fun to live in fear. I believe your problem is spiritual in nature. I will pray for you. Dear heavenly Father, I pray that you would show yourself to this person, that you would show this person how much you love her. Give her your peace. You have not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power and of a sound mind. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
probably you are grown under a strict and restrictive life. if you identify the actual reason like the one i was doubting above, corrective course you have to take yourself by deep practise.
You're right, you have no self-confidence which is why you are afraid that what you'll say might be wrong or will be laughed at. You have an inferiority complex, you feel that what you say is not important or relevant, that you don't look attractive to everyone else, that there's something wrong with you as a person.all the negative feelings are inside you. All these are only in your MIND. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Stop downgrading your very person. Think positive. You must exert effort to face the people you meet, start thinking that you can do it, that you are equal to them, if not better than them. Stop thinking of what you're going to say, whether they're the right words or not- they'll just start flowing out of your mouth if you have the confidence. Don't be terribly shy, it get you nothing, it gives you nothing, only fear and loneliness. Do you want that for the rest of your life?
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