How do i heal ?
Answer:
..Yes, these thought-feeling patterns are probably deeply ingrained and it will take time to change them. But your new self-awareness is an important first step.
I would also advise forgiveness. You won't ever heal if you continue to carry around resentment from the way they treated you. You need to say to yourself something like - "Yes, all that happened, but I'm just not going to hold it against them anymore. Life isn't always sweet and fair, and this happened to me. But I'm leaving it in the past where it belongs. I'm not going to relive that resentment anymore. I'm moving on."
Also, give yourself full credit for your strengths, positive traits and accomplishments in life, large or small. I suggest you make a long list of these things and affirm each, one by one. It will be like making deposits into a personal account of self-worth. The interest you'll draw is self-esteem and self-confidence.
I have a similar problem. I'm 25 and haven't seen or poken to my half-brother (moms other son) since I was about 8. He came to live with us for a short ttime aroundf then. Hes 10 years older than me, so was just turning 18 at the time.
I guess I looked up to him and have kind of felt abandoned since then. I always wondered if there was something I did to make him not like me. I know I could have tried to make contact, but always felt that him being older than me, maybe it was more his job to be an adult about the situation.
I guess I have to make up my mind about wether or not I want to talk to him about it. Do you still talk to your brothers? What do you think they would say if you told them how you felt? Just know that its not your fault and there are people out there that feel exactly the same as you do. Life is too short to waste. Im sure that both of us would do good to stop doubting ourselves and do what it takes to get a little more self confidence.
the only way youll get out of that is to force yourself to takes risks and find something to live for. If you dont you will be in the same position as you are now, if you do you might at some time face rejection or disapointment but you will also gain some good things from it. You never know.
Hey Cat!
I've been in the same boat, but I got a few years on you.
First, realize you are way better off now than you were. You see whats going on, and you know that you want things to be better. That is a great start.
As far as the past goes, I want you to try this. Think of the bad things that happened and then add the words- "So what?" Say to yourself "My brothers acted like jerks to me, so what? I can't control the past, I can't control what other people did. It sucked, but so what. It's over."
One of the big problems of standard psychology is that it is too hung up on the idea that the past determines your future. It doesn't. You do. If you break a leg, it doesn't stay broken. It heals. It won't be the same as it was, but it will still work.
You have to let go. Stop dwelling on it. It's like getting mugged. You give the guy your wallet and he runs off. OK, hw stole your money, you had no choice over that. But you can decided if you are going to let the experience destroy you. The mugger takes the money, you GIVE him you sense of well being.
Why give the bad guys more than they took. You had family problem that took away the past, don't give them the future.
Recovery is an act of will. You can do it.
Joe
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