What to do?
Answer:
you need to talk to a professional. the trauma will take time to heal. i'm sorry for what you've gone through. be strong and learn to give yourself a chance to live a normal happy life.
Talk to a therapist. You may need to talk to several, over a period of years. If you can't afford one, or your insurance doesn't cover it, find a clinic, or hook up with a co-counseling organization. You need to get your thinking cleared up.
I haven't seen it on hand in my family but my best friend has and both of his parents ended up dying. I am a Psych major and although everything might be normal again, you will still feel that strange sense of what has happened in your family over and over again. It won't leave unless you talk to a professional dealing with Family and Relationships. But for the time being if you don't want to seek professional help, talk to someone like a coworker, boss, friend..someone that isn't going to be biased about your situation and someone that is a truly positive person. Talk to a pastor, minister, or priest as well. I am dealing with Panic disorders and anxiety disorders now. Although I haven't seen physical violence in my household, hearing is just as bad. I come from a broken home and for years I had to deal with the pain that came from my mothers eyes and the illness she took up. Then she ended up dying in a car accident this past April. I'm coping well but I also need a therapist.
Get you a notebook. Write down all your feelings and thoughts. I mean everything. The more you keep them in, the more they will bother you and you'll be prone to being violent yourself eventually. After you write them down, talk to someone like I mentioned earlier and show them what you've written and let them show you how they can help. In the mean time, I will be praying for you. I pray that things get better.
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