Seeking intamacy through vulnerability. what are your basic bounderies to keep balance between being?
Answer:
Excellent question. I don't know that I can help you with it though. I've pretty much cut out everyone that I have ever been open and vulnerable with because I just don't think people really care. Oh, they want to hear the stories and they'll tell eveyone else, but they don't really want to help at that level of being intimate. For me, its very hard to find anyone that I really trust enought to show my scars to and to share my hurts, fears and deep questions of the soul with. Follow your gut rather than your heart and you'll end up like me - afraid to let anyone into your real world. Open up your heart to everyone and you'll end up standing there with your heart in your hand. I guess it all comes down to your faith in humanity and or your ability to determine who is for real and really has your best interests at hand and those who just want to hear your hidden hurts and personal stories in order to spread the gossip. Sorry, not much of an answer, and one that comes from someone who has a very small circle of trust. If you're not comfortable talking about certain issues, then don't feel pressured to do so. Just tell the person that that story is not something you can easily talk about and to give you time. If they really care, they will give you that time and not push.
The "undeserving"! That's the key to your answer. Open up to those you learn to trust with your feelings. Not just anybody. First learn who really CARES. Then offer "seeds". Not a whole bushel.
so your talking about people you've just met and assumed that they intend to hurt you based on the vibe you get from them.
well i guess if a person did truly act genuine that a smarter person would spot these vulnerabilities and act on the weaknesses
so I suppose your right that taking the higher position yourself to figure somebody else out would be a solution and a safeguard to any conflict.
sounds like some kind of game or something does it not?. well in the book 'Art of War' Sun Tzu writes " All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near."
hell, I dont know, tell me if I have drifted away from your core question, but is it not that in the end you are looking for a future husband/wife and that to deceive them in the beginning would be self-limiting, anyway I believe this topic calls for further discussion/investigating.
The sense of vulnerability in the terms of which you speak would be some kind of imperfection or caricature flaw that exist within your self. I would suggest that you identify what these flaws maybe before opening your self to relationship.
The thing with being open goes beyond the terms of acceptance, granted most people over look such trivial things while assessing an individual out right. Wit that being said there are those who give and those who take (and it is usually gender biased) by the simple concept of nature nurture. Than there are those who unconsciencely or consciencely seek those of the giving or open types of personalities (not to be confused with vulnerable) for it is an easyer means of obtaining their goals or fullfilling their needs. There are those who do pry on the weak but I would hope they are of a small minority.
Vulnerablity is a state of being and doesnt come of a matter of choice; such as being open, but rather derives from some sort of impedament. In this case some sort of physical or mental state.
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