Why do some people want you to be open and honest with them, but they aren't?

I'm trying not to, however I get soooo frustrated with this. I asked someone recntly if they did something. I told them I would not get mad. I just wanted to know. They know from previous events, that this does not upset me. They said it was someone else. The issue came up again. I asked about it in front of the person they said was doing it and them, who was doing it? The person I originally asked that denied it, finally admitted to it. Now, I don't want to have anything to do with them. I feel like it is pointless to try to talk to them. Because they won't be honest. What do you think about this? I have been lied to a lot in life. I always try to consider the other person. I am not judgmental. However, I'm getting tired of this. I hate lies and deception. People who have done this to me, throughtout my life. Are people who I really care about. Any
suggestions about what I should do?

Answer:
Disassociate yourself from these people. When someone lies to you like that, they are showing that they do not respect you. If someone cannot respect me, they are not worth my time and energy. There ARE people out there who can be honest with you...and you need to find other friends with whom you can trust..and respect them in return.
Anyone who persistently lies to me, is no longer my friend...I will be nice to you...but I will not entrust you with any part of my life. Plain and simple. You are setting yourself up by trusting people over and over again who have shown you they do not merit your trust. That is your fault. If you continue to allow yourself to be "walked over"...people will continue to do it.
You need to respect YOURSELF more than that. You ARE worthy of respect and honesty. Anyone who falls short of that doesn't need to be in your life. Period.
Align yourself with people who have shown you that they can be trusted. Throw out those who continue to do you wrong.
Harsh, I know...but life is too short to waste yours on people who hurt you over and over again. Have you heard that old saying "Hurt me once, shame on you...hurt me twice, shame on me"? A hard lesson I had to learn myself many years ago.

if it's being done to you again and again, maybe you have a pattern... something about you that makes people think they can lie to you, or have to lie to you... if you observe an internal problem, then you should address it, but if the problem's not with you, maybe you should just confront the people who constantly deceive you.

I have the same problem as you. All I do is constantly reiterate the same thing over and again, attempting to reassure them that all I want is the honesty and that I absolutely hate lying, that they'll cause me more harm by lying than they'd ever do by telling me the truth. However, it seldom ever sinks in. I don't know what to do about it myself.

Additional: "Sunny, I don't expect them to change. I expect them not to want more from me than they are willing to give themselves.
That's it."

Again you sound just like me. I never expect or ask for more from others than I do of myself.

I am so tired of people lying to me about so much, and sometimes, maybe most times, they are stupid little lies. I don't even know why they are bothering with telling them or what, if anything, they feel they have to gain by telling them.

I've had people lie to me and then I find out the truth and confront them with it. Sometimes they'll say something like "I didn't tell you because I thought you'd get angry about it". Then they'll try to justify this reasoning by saying "See? You are angry, just like I thought". Whereby I'll tell them that I'm angry because they lied to me, not because of the other thing. And even if I was angry about the thing they were lying about, then they simply made it worse because now I'd be more angry because of the lie.

People here don't seem to get it. All of them seem to take lying in stride or act as if you are speaking of a few people doing it to you or a few incidents of it.

they probably know that it hurts when you nare not honest even when they are not to you. but some people have serioyuse problems when they are scared of how you'll react but they can take the heat fine. they probably want to know a lot about you but they are scared you might not like them because of what they did. it is complicated. but walk in there shoes, and actually think what they say. they might not even try to be mean. but when they are not honest for a long time it all builds up and they have to let it out but it doesn't come out the right way.

Expect this from all people at one point in your relationship with anyone. This is part of the human condition. No human being has ever been 100% honest with anyone. No one can control other's and what they say and do. All we can do is police ourselves. Keep in mind that when a person lies, it is usually to keep from upseting someone, or taking blame for an unpleasant or terrible act or sometimes just to not hurt feelings ("No you don't look fat in those jeans"). Even though you maintain credibility in your dealings with others, please, do not expect the same from everyone else, people lie.

Some people mix truth with fiction and never change. As long as you know who these people are, you are forewarned.

first of all stop expecting from others that they would always be honest to you. may be they find it difficult because people cant change for you. nobody has time to think what they done today how do you expect they will think that they hurt you. life moves on you move on and keep on making new friends don't stick to one. and above all every individual is unique you can't blame others
ADDED: people in this world always expect more its natural just be yourself. you must live life your ways don't change. Love is power full but don't get away with it. Don't play with life just understand why that person has done this. if that person doesn't care for you .leave it. move on

Being lied to and deception often causes the victim to feel uncertain about so many things.
You start to be judmental, (not through any fault of your own but through your bitter experience).
People around you (the ones you care about most of all) arnt special anymore, even though you want them to be!
This world can be a nasty place and my advice to you would be:
Dont expect everyone and anyone (no matter how special they may seem) to be pure as an angel..WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.

The incident that you mentioned seems to me that they tried to get away with (what ever it was) but caught out at the end!
I completley understand your anger and frustation!

Try to think why the person lied to you and just forgive them and move on.
If you think about is too much you may end up building a misconception of everyone you meet or talk to.
FORGIVE AND FORGET
Beacuse these things and these sort people are not worth the worry!
Life is too precious and too short to get bogged down with these thoughts.

I hope this helps.
Mohammed

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Why do some people want you to be open and honest with them, but they aren't?

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