What can a mother do, when her grown daughter has banished her from her life?
After her wedding fell through, we became even closer--for two years. Then one day she turned on me--just like that! I was in shock and asked her what happened, "I thought we were doing well." Her answer was a sarcastic "You're great in a crisis."
She was about 30 by this time, and had never talked "mean" to me before. Everything got worse, until now I am no longer "welcome" in her life--and that means the life of my grandson, as well. It is a fate worse than death for me.
My son is baffled. She won't explain herself. Before the final banishment, she was verbally cruel, and one night lost her temper so badly she started bashing me. (Note, I never hit either of my children.)
I fear it's the medication she's on. SSRI's can cause violence.
Answer:
Medication can effect a person's mood. If possible you could seek family counseling of not for your self at least and see if something bad has happened to her and she feels as if she needs to push u away in order to protect herself or you. there maybe a lot of reasons she maybe acting out. Sounds ,ike intervention time.
She may see you NOW as being a friend, rather than a mother.
Were you one of those mom's that were always friends? best friends? Let me guess, you talked till late hours in the night, knew her EVERY move, boyfriend, event etc...
Did you ever really take a parent/child role? Did you ever dicsipline her?
Kids need parents, not friends.
She has now possibly done what friends do to eachother sometimes, just written them off.
Good luck.
Best thing to do is to visit a psychologist if she'll agree to it. Something has happened and you need to know about it.
I'm glad you are still trying to put it together for you both. That counts a lot.
I wish your family the best.
there is always hope, but she is the one that needs to make the first steps back to your relationship. if you try to bring her back she will just push you further away. just be ready when she does come back, and dont be judgemental. when she does come back welcome her with open arms as if nothing happened. she might want to talk about the problem she might not. if she does, listen to what she has to say without judgement. the rift can be healed,as long as you both work together.
You could let her know you still want to be in touch with her, but beyond that there's not much you can do. She's an adult.
First of all it's not your fault!
I can honestly say this as your story was my story Exactly!!
Medication can do this if she is crossing the drug with another. (Unaware of this bad mixture) She's still in depression (baby blues) and may not even aware of this?
Is there anyway you can talk to her other half without up setting her or in confidants? She may be not aware of this as most aren't !! Could be just an hormone unbalance!
So hard to say this to you as right now you are feeling a lose of words and emptiness without your daughter or grandson but please give her distant BUT always keep an eye on her and child. (Have you noted any changes in the way she tends to the baby? (Meaning loving, caring)
have your son make vists in your behalf would be my guess.
Good luck, hope all works it self out.
Love her anyway, make sure she knows it, be there when she will let you. And if she won't let you, do the best you can to be there anyway. Someday she will come back, I promise. I did this with my own mother, and most of it was me not her. I just had to some things to figure out and as much as it pained her, I needed to do that alone. I said nasty and mean things to her to get her to back off and go away. Now I can only hope she understands where I was at and that none of it was personal. My mother is now one of my best friends again. She loved me anyway even when I told her not to, that's how I knew when I hit rock bottom I could still go home to my mama. Be patient, understanding, and loving and she will come home too. Good luck to you!
Time Heals all Wounds or Wounds all Heels, something like that. Truly learn to take a deep breath and not get upset. Let time pass - - - don't feed any 'negative' energy into the mix let the fix be a natural non forced. It is o-k for two people not to be in verbal or written contact daily or even for weeks months mayby years. Just allow her 'space' and treat the matter casually - - - she will come back around when the time is right.
Pax----------------
SSRI's will cause violence especially when used with bipolar patients.
I can only sympathize. Can only try to find out what she wants through your son. Perhaps try to reform over time a non-judgemental non-worrying relationship. Hopefully in time she will unweird out.
I think each one in my family has blamed my Mom because we had an abusive dad. They've all wound down, especially when they had time to their own space far away from Mom.
Perhaps she blames you for allowing some kind dependency on you and is now forcing some personal space reclamation. Remember what is in a persons mind may not reflect your appraisal of the relationship. She is at the isolation versus intimacy stage of her life and if my understanding is correct, she is experiencing the clock ticking phenomenon, life passing her by. I experienced that myself, but when you realize your humanity, you kind of settle in to a realistically attainable mode of subsistence. It is not an easy struggle.
I suggest sending her this gestalt prayer:
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
(Fritz Perls, 1969)
Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/gestalt_pra...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/erick_erick...
Stage One Oral-Sensory: from birth to one, trust vs. mistrust, feeding;
Stage Two Muscular-Anal: 1-3 years, autonomy vs. shame, toilet training;
Stage Three Locomotor: 3-6 years, initiative vs. inadequacy, independence;
Stage Four Latency: 6-12 years, industry vs. inferiority, school;
Stage Five Adolescence: 12-18 years, identity vs. confusion, peer relationships;
Stage Six Young Adulthood: 18-40 years, intimacy vs. isolation, love relationships;
Stage Seven Middle Adulthood: 40-65 years, generativity vs. stagnation, parenting;
Stage Eight Maturity: 65 years until death, integrity vs. despair, acceptance of one's life.
The Erikson life-stage virtues, in the order of the stages in which they may be acquired, are:
hope
will
purpose
competence
fidelity
love (in intimate relationships, work and family)
caring
wisdom
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