Confidence boost??
how can i accomplish this? nature vs. nuture.. is it learned or acquired? i would really just like to know how to feel more comfortable with me. i often put myself down and think of myself as awkward and use my looks as a sort of crutch but its obvious that ppl need more than that.
im not saying im ridiculously boring or anything lol but im pretty stiff when i first meet ppl, mostly bc i try to watch what i say so that i can figure the other person out.. so that i can appease them. what can i do to fix this? i hate that im this way =/ thanks for any advice u can give =)
Answer:
First of all, be careful about what you say about yourself, even if just to yourself. That has power. Tell yourself you like who you are, etc. Second, just go for it - start being yourself and watch how people react - I guarantee that many will appreciate you just for being you. Trying to act a certain way to be liked actually backfires because most people are drawn to others for their unique personalities - not just cuz they act the same as themselves. Everyone is weak and they appreciate you being real so they can feel comfortable enough to be themselves too. If they see you being real, they will be drawn to you because you will give them permission to be open and real as well. Just try it with a group you trust and your confindence will boost naturally over time.
what about yourself?
work in retail for a year. dealing with people on a regular basis helped me to come out of your position. I'm still pretty introverted, but I don't feel awkward about it now.
Don't try to please everyone. once you're comfortable with yourself, you'll feel stronger and hopefully won't feel the need to be so careful with how you act.
You need to put yourself in a situation were you can no longer play these little mind games with yourself. Also don't worry so much about others. We all think people are scrutinizing us and looking for our quirks and notice our little ways. You know what ?. they don't, they really don't they just think about themselves and we are so egocentric that we think they are analysing us. Every body think they are the center of the universe especially in the us. Next time someone looks at you remember they are thinking about themselves not you. It is not about you it is about the world around you.
I am the same way. I wouldn't say that I'm shy, just cautious. I have a lot of confidence in who I am and I speak my mind, but I like to size people up before I open up to them. It takes longer than usual to make friends this way, but the ones I have are very good friends, not just casual ones. The only person you need to make happy is you. I don't know that there is something you can "do". The trick is to be satisfied with who you "are" and learn how to be confident about your personality, that takes time. Its like being satisfied with your looks. I go to the gym everyday and eat very well. However I still don't quite have that six pack. I'm two short. After two years of working and dieting, I've learned to be content with my four pack. Not a psychologist and I am in no way qualified to give professional advice. My opinion is derived from experience by learning things the hard way.
I used to be the same. I am still "shy" but not at all like it used to be. See, I came from another country then moved here to Canada so I did have a reason to be "cautious" and not that talkative around people. Now I developed relationships among people that gave a boost to self-esteem. Sometimes when I'm around people I don't know, this shyness comes back but I just try and make friends with new people.
Now you remind me of my friend who came from the same country. She doesn't talk much around other people. Sometimes I think that I'm the only person she knows. She changes whenever we have the "girl" talk, just between us. : )
First of all, stop putting yourself down both to yourself and to other people. You are unconsciously putting up a major roadblock preventing you from developing any confidence whatsover, and though it may be a bit of an icebreaker to make jokes about yourself, it ultimately gets in the way of having any quality conversation with others because they'll feel awkward and won't know how to respond graciously to your self-depracating statements.
The best thing you can do is stop focusing so much on yourself, and instead, pour all of that energy into paying attention to others. Take some deep breaths, gather up some courage and pay someone a sincere compliment (it must be socially appropriate too, of course). Then, use the compliment as a conversation starter. For a basic example, imagine you're approaching someone at a social function saying, "I really like your dress." You could then ask where she bought it. Once discover that, you could explore the subject further by asking about that particular store, mall, shopping center, the part of the city the store is located in, other things to do in that part of the city, etc., etc. As you move from topic to topic, make sure you sprinkle in a moderate mix of your own experiences and thoughts to give the other person an opportunity to get to know you as well--just remember, no negative comments at your expense!!
Generally, the less interest you take in how you are presenting yourself, and the more you channel that energy into forming a genuine interest in each individual person you come in contact with, the more confident you will become.
Of course, it's not as easy as it sounds, but the hardest part of any new experience is the first step, and with each succeeding step, the more experience you will gain, the more confident you will become, and the easier and more natural it will be for you to come out of your shell and stay out of your shell for good.
Best of luck!
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