Should we accept favours from friends, family and others or should not we accept favours to avoid debts?
I wonder if there is a reason to accept favours or if "favour" means future debts and should be radically avoided.
I am interested in reading different opinions about this.
Regards.
Answer:
You don't do favors for someone in the interest of getting things in return. You make a loan to get money back and you make an agreement to trade services if you want to, but a favor should be done out of the goodness of your heart...it's not a favor if there are strings attached..
Borrowing a buck for a vending machine is one thing, asking somebody to help you move is another. I don't mind the level of common courtesy, helping someone jump their car, as I'd like the help when I need it, but donating a kidney, or something grand, then yeah, its seems like a big debt hanging over your head.
Ask, "How can I pay you back for this?" And then decide if you really can.
If you can trust the family member / friend, then accept the favour. Don't necessarily feel you HAVE to do something in return. If you feel uneasy or can't trust them, try not to accept favours or they could hold it against you and say you never do anything in return. A good friend would never do anything like that.
If it is truly a favour, it should come with no strings attached, and you should accept (and offer them) from (or to) all.
If something is offered with the intent for some future repayment, regard it as a 'business transaction' and respond accordingly.
I think accepting help is a way to a more understanding and gelled society. If people don't accept help through pride, or worry about accepting it because they don't want to have to give out in the future (a selfish reason), then we would all be teetering there by ourselves, with a very fractured world around us.
Here's to accepting help, and giving to others, without any presumption of selfish gain. And not feeling that we should give back just because we have received. I think we should do things in a pure and uncalculated way.
IN MY OPINION IF THE FAVOUR IS A GIFT IN SOME FORM FROM A LOVED ONE IT SHOULD BE ACCEPTED. HOWEVER IF IT IS FOR YOUR SOLE BENEFIT IT MAY BE ACCEPTED ONLY IF YOU ARE BACK TO THE WALL. HOWEVER YOU ARE IN THE DANGER OF FORMING A HABIT IF YOU PERSIST THE SAME EVERY TIME. THEN YOU LIFE WILL BE COMPLICATED AS YOU ARE REQUIRED TO RETURN THE FAVOUR ALSO.
If someone is giving you a favor so that they can claim something from you later, it is not a favor. It is a debt.
A borrower nor a lender be. - Shakespeare
If I offer someone something, even if they borrow it from me, I don't expect it back or anything in return - my personal perspective. If I can't afford to give it away, I don't even lend it.
On the other hand, giving people gifts is a way of developing social relationships, and I do give things away and I offer help. I believe in developing social relationships because I want to believe that we are all brothers and sisters on this puny planet we call earth. So, if someone is willing to give you something, accept it in appreciation, and if someone needs something and you have plenty, give it. Nothing is really ours or anyone else's. We have it for a time, and then it is gone, and so are we.
My mom's advice: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." This especially includes family and friends, because the results can often ruin a relationship. If the favor involves money, borrow it from a legitimate lending agency, like the bank. This way there is a legal, binding contract between the lender and the borrower. It will save a lot of hard feelings. If you insist on lending or giving money to someone, don't automatically expect that it will be returned. Many times the borrower resents being asked for its repayment, and the lender becomes the "bad guy".
There's nothing wrong with accepting a favour or doing one for someone else (that's what friends are for). But it should be a selfless act; you don't do a favour because you expect one in return. My God, even the mafia do that.
Ask them about how to pay them and when do they need the money, if you can pay back, then accept. If you can't, then don't.
But I don't support borrowing anyway.
A favor, by definition, does not require that you pay them back. The idea is that you help someone merely out of the goodness of your heart, without any expectations of the other party. Whether they want to return the favor is entirely up to them.
To that end, I have a rule of never refusing anyone's generousity or charitability. I figure it gives me something I want or need, and it makes the person doing me the favor feel good.
I always try to return the favor to the best of my ability. For example, my brother bought us concert tickets at $200 per ticket. I can't afford that, and he knows that, so I'll at least take him out for dinner to show my appreciation, even if the cost is less than the value of the ticket.
If someone offers you a helping hand, they are usually doing it out of love and kindness and not because they expect payment..
Then on the other hand if you are asking for a favor from someone.. depending on the person, yes they can be doing it with the intent on being paid..
Usually if a favor does not involve someone having to pay for something to help you out and it comes from them asking you if you need help...(and you accepting) There should not be a payment from you involved..
But on the other hand, if you require someones help .. like a loan, or something they must purchase etc.. or it is taking them away from something else.. I would think that person might expect payment in return for the favor..
But if you are asking a loved one for help.. it should be free..
unless its a loan.. then of course you should pay it back..
If you truly know the person you are dealing with.. then you are the best judge of how they will react..
If it is offered to you and it is a reasonable offer that you believe will come with no strings, I say go for it.
Uh, don't you ever do other people favors?
Although in good relationships, favors are two-way, it's not like a one-for-one, owing kind of situation.
You do things for people you care about, because you care about them and want to help them; they do things for you for the same reason.
Refusing favors because you don't want to incur "debt" misses the whole point.
There ARE people who don't understand this, and, doing what they CALL a favor, expect some particular thing in return.
If that's the kind of person you're dealing with, then, yes, if you don't want to do whatever payback they want, it's best to not accept favors.
As others have pointed out, it isn't a favor if it's a trade -- that's another concept, though there's no reason to reject all such trades; if it benefits you both, go for it.
It's a GOOD thing to be able to help those one cares about, and be a person they can come to when they need something (which you can say "no" to if they ask too much); and it's good to have people you can ask favors of or receive help from.
It's just one of the aspects of what can be rich relationships.
You hang out together, have fun together, share your triumphs and woes, do things to help each other.
When favors are part of this whole package, it's not a question of "If I accept this favor I owe X in return."
When we say "I owe you one!" when someone does us a favor, it's not a specific debt; we're expressing appreciation and a willingness to "return" the favor -- within reason.
As with everything in life, there's should always be a "within reason" clause.
When you have a history with people that includes doing favors for each other, it's not a one-for-one, keeping-track of each thing.
The favors they've done and the favors you've done meld into a sense of mutually helping each other.
I know some do that and its a dark and dodgy road to go down
I do things for people out of goodwill at the time, nothing else and with no other connotation.
I dont go home and write it down so I can hold it against someone at a later date!
If you really need the favour then accept it, because you should worry about how much you need it now rather than how to pay it back later.
it depends on who's doing the favour some people i wouldn't except the favour from because i know i have taken a debt on but some people i will gladly do anything for, so i guess use your own judgement and don't get into debt.
I think good clean favours are useful and the 'you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours', works very well for me.
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