How do I motivate my husband to try harder to earn more money?
I grew up in a South Asian (desi) immigrant family where the focus was all about education, education, education. My husband is desi but is more about starting a business etc. He wants to buy and sell products overseas (not own a brick and mortar store) -
Obviously this leaves me frustrated, mad, etc - I have my Master's degree, a CPA, work in financial consulting, I think I passed the CISA today too (Cert Info Systems Auditor) etc. - I'm sort of snobby too - like thinking that people that aren't highly educated and professional are 'not as good,' as I am etc.
Enter my husband - obviously he doesn't make good money 'yet' - doesn't have what I consider a 'real' job (doesn't make at least 40 or 50k).
How can I effectively motivate him?? Thanks!
Answer:
I have read all of the answers so far and may I just say that I don't think any of these people understand you or your question.
My name is Sue. I always worked very hard in school, greaduated 2nd in my high-school class of 850 students, received 4-year, full-tuition scholorships to two different universities, earned my MBA at age 23, bore two sons, and am currently working as a CPA earning 3-4 times as much as my husband.
Some of the other answers to your question just criticized you for wishing that your husband was more ambitious. One suggested that if you just let your husband go his own way, he will make you proud all on his own. Another seemed to think that if you just keep setting a good example, your husband will soon follow in your golden footsteps.
They are all wrong.
You are just fine in wanting to motivate your husband, sometimes husbands need motivation. If you let your husband do his own thing, he will probably do what he has always done. (Best predictor of future behavior is past behavior). If you just continue to set a good example, I'll bet you $1,000 your husband will just sit back, relax, and enjoy the carriage ride, just like he has up till now.
Here's the thing. You and your husband are different people with different talents and different needs who somehow need to get things together enough to make a life, and not just any life, a good life.
Here is what has worked for me:
1) I realized that my husband has things to offer that are better than money. He is very relaxed and has very little ambition. This works out well for me because he NEVER gets in my way when there are great and wonderful things that I want to do. He is constant and caring and supportive and hardly ever criticizes my efforts.
2) Early in our marriage, I let my husband know that family is very important to me and that I expected him to earn a living. Then I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He didn't know. So I kept asking him. It wasn't an emergency (I was earning plenty) so I didn't make it a big deal, but I didn't stop asking him either. I asked him what he liked to do and why. Then I asked him how the things he was naturally good at could bring in a paycheck. It took awhile but he finially came up with Psychologist. He IS a good listener and gives good advice so it seemed like a good plan.
3) I have worked my tail off for the last 8 years helping my husband attain his goal. I babysat him all through undergraduate school. I filled out his vita, resume and grad school applications for him. I nagged him to get a job in the mental health field and still help him with research papers and studying for tests. Don't get me wrong, I don't do all of his work, I just do all of his PAPER work. He still has to go to class and meet with clients and pass his tests.
This month marks the end of my husband's third year of graduate school for his Clinical Psychology PhD. All he has left is his dissertation and internship to graduate and receive his licence. I know we're not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It has been a very long hard road. Lots of times I just wanted to give up and say, "Fine, you stay home with the kids and I'll go to work for the rest of my life. It would be much easier for me to just do it than to help you do it." But I'm so glad that I never gave up on him. It has taken years of waiting and marriage therapy (ha..a therapist going to therapy) but it's really been worth it. I love my husband more because he's successful (almost) and he loves me more because he feels so much better about himself.
Work with your husband, be patient, and be willing to tie up all the loose ends while he's learning. You can do it. You guys will be awesome.
give him more UMBOO
check his Lund more often
Namaste
Use a life coach!
if you motivate your husband to do what he loves, he will probably make more money in the next 5 years then if you try to manipulate him into what you think he should do.
he is very smart to use his back ground and start a business that is not brick and mortar. it's all about the web. if he can buy and sell without over head your already up.
it is difficult to start out on your own. with your skills and his desire your bound to be a raging success.
IS THE MONEY HE MAKES SO IMPORTANT? OR IS IT MORE IMPORTANT THAT HE LOVES YOU AND TREATS YOU AS YOU WANT TO BE TREATED? I MAKE MORE THAN MY HUSBAND AND THAT IS A MOTIVATOR IN ITS SELF. BUT ITS NOT IMPORTANT TO ME
Perhaps he's being discriminated in the job market.
http://www.lettersofrejection.com...
I was for over 2 years, and still get discriminated to this day.
I think you realize the problem is you not him.
Your a snob, and need to be with other snobs.
Your educated but not smart. "I think I passed the CISA"??
Buying and selling without a store is smart selling
Having you second guessing his plans and stepping on his self esteem can't be helping his career.
Is your husband from the same back round as you? Are you currently living in a western society that allows women to make their own descions? If the answer is yes, then the best way to motivate him is do it yourself.
Lead from the front honey. You seem more qualified and more able to bring in a bigger pay check then he is, so do it.
Do what you think would bring in the money your self and when he sees you are successful, he will follow. Nagging and sweet talking or pep talking going to get him to do nothing and actually have him do less. Even if it is good for the both of you it is human nature to NOT do what you are told even if it is in their best interest. Guess what happens when you tell him to work harder? When he sees you do it and produces results, he will copy and follow for it is human nature to do what they see works for others.
You said it first,You're a snob.
Give him a chance to succeed on his own, say three years.
By then he should know whether or not his business has a chance.
You, on the other hand, should keep making money the old fashioned way since this is what you enjoy.
Happiness is what's important.
Money can't buy satisfaction.
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Obviously this leaves me frustrated, mad, etc - I have my Master's degree, a CPA, work in financial consulting, I think I passed the CISA today too (Cert Info Systems Auditor) etc. - I'm sort of snobby too - like thinking that people that aren't highly educated and professional are 'not as good,' as I am etc.
Enter my husband - obviously he doesn't make good money 'yet' - doesn't have what I consider a 'real' job (doesn't make at least 40 or 50k).
How can I effectively motivate him?? Thanks!
Answer:
I have read all of the answers so far and may I just say that I don't think any of these people understand you or your question.
My name is Sue. I always worked very hard in school, greaduated 2nd in my high-school class of 850 students, received 4-year, full-tuition scholorships to two different universities, earned my MBA at age 23, bore two sons, and am currently working as a CPA earning 3-4 times as much as my husband.
Some of the other answers to your question just criticized you for wishing that your husband was more ambitious. One suggested that if you just let your husband go his own way, he will make you proud all on his own. Another seemed to think that if you just keep setting a good example, your husband will soon follow in your golden footsteps.
They are all wrong.
You are just fine in wanting to motivate your husband, sometimes husbands need motivation. If you let your husband do his own thing, he will probably do what he has always done. (Best predictor of future behavior is past behavior). If you just continue to set a good example, I'll bet you $1,000 your husband will just sit back, relax, and enjoy the carriage ride, just like he has up till now.
Here's the thing. You and your husband are different people with different talents and different needs who somehow need to get things together enough to make a life, and not just any life, a good life.
Here is what has worked for me:
1) I realized that my husband has things to offer that are better than money. He is very relaxed and has very little ambition. This works out well for me because he NEVER gets in my way when there are great and wonderful things that I want to do. He is constant and caring and supportive and hardly ever criticizes my efforts.
2) Early in our marriage, I let my husband know that family is very important to me and that I expected him to earn a living. Then I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He didn't know. So I kept asking him. It wasn't an emergency (I was earning plenty) so I didn't make it a big deal, but I didn't stop asking him either. I asked him what he liked to do and why. Then I asked him how the things he was naturally good at could bring in a paycheck. It took awhile but he finially came up with Psychologist. He IS a good listener and gives good advice so it seemed like a good plan.
3) I have worked my tail off for the last 8 years helping my husband attain his goal. I babysat him all through undergraduate school. I filled out his vita, resume and grad school applications for him. I nagged him to get a job in the mental health field and still help him with research papers and studying for tests. Don't get me wrong, I don't do all of his work, I just do all of his PAPER work. He still has to go to class and meet with clients and pass his tests.
This month marks the end of my husband's third year of graduate school for his Clinical Psychology PhD. All he has left is his dissertation and internship to graduate and receive his licence. I know we're not out of the woods yet, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It has been a very long hard road. Lots of times I just wanted to give up and say, "Fine, you stay home with the kids and I'll go to work for the rest of my life. It would be much easier for me to just do it than to help you do it." But I'm so glad that I never gave up on him. It has taken years of waiting and marriage therapy (ha..a therapist going to therapy) but it's really been worth it. I love my husband more because he's successful (almost) and he loves me more because he feels so much better about himself.
Work with your husband, be patient, and be willing to tie up all the loose ends while he's learning. You can do it. You guys will be awesome.
give him more UMBOO
check his Lund more often
Namaste
Use a life coach!
if you motivate your husband to do what he loves, he will probably make more money in the next 5 years then if you try to manipulate him into what you think he should do.
he is very smart to use his back ground and start a business that is not brick and mortar. it's all about the web. if he can buy and sell without over head your already up.
it is difficult to start out on your own. with your skills and his desire your bound to be a raging success.
IS THE MONEY HE MAKES SO IMPORTANT? OR IS IT MORE IMPORTANT THAT HE LOVES YOU AND TREATS YOU AS YOU WANT TO BE TREATED? I MAKE MORE THAN MY HUSBAND AND THAT IS A MOTIVATOR IN ITS SELF. BUT ITS NOT IMPORTANT TO ME
Perhaps he's being discriminated in the job market.
http://www.lettersofrejection.com...
I was for over 2 years, and still get discriminated to this day.
I think you realize the problem is you not him.
Your a snob, and need to be with other snobs.
Your educated but not smart. "I think I passed the CISA"??
Buying and selling without a store is smart selling
Having you second guessing his plans and stepping on his self esteem can't be helping his career.
Is your husband from the same back round as you? Are you currently living in a western society that allows women to make their own descions? If the answer is yes, then the best way to motivate him is do it yourself.
Lead from the front honey. You seem more qualified and more able to bring in a bigger pay check then he is, so do it.
Do what you think would bring in the money your self and when he sees you are successful, he will follow. Nagging and sweet talking or pep talking going to get him to do nothing and actually have him do less. Even if it is good for the both of you it is human nature to NOT do what you are told even if it is in their best interest. Guess what happens when you tell him to work harder? When he sees you do it and produces results, he will copy and follow for it is human nature to do what they see works for others.
You said it first,You're a snob.
Give him a chance to succeed on his own, say three years.
By then he should know whether or not his business has a chance.
You, on the other hand, should keep making money the old fashioned way since this is what you enjoy.
Happiness is what's important.
Money can't buy satisfaction.
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