Lots of confidence on the outside not so much on the inside?

So I'm 14, and I've always always appeared extremely confident in myself and my abilitys (sometimes overly confident). But, what I don't tell...anyone is that I've had cried and cried, because I hate the way I look, I hate my personality, and because I just hate who I am. It feels like I am so unbelieveabley talentless. Basically every girl I know has an amazing bboyfriend, that I couldn't get to like me. I'm mean, and I know that. But I can't help it. It's like I just don't trust anyone enough to actually...like.I don't know. To like confide in them or like "show them my heart" or whatever. My dad abandoned me when I was 11. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. My bestfriend of 7 years died last year, and I just don't know how to like.trust anyone or something. I don't know. I could be way off base. But, am I just crazy? People have told me before, that I have the meanest look and that someone would have to be really jaded to look that mean. They have no idea.

Answer:
No, you're not crazy. Untrusting came from your father leaving you...not from your best friend's death. Of course, losing someone close is always painful but to know your father is still alive and seemingly "chose" not to be with you...it makes it tough for anyone to accept that and it probably makes you feel like you're unworthy of love. Before you jump to conclusion though, I wouldn't blame yourself for your father's absence...I'm not making excuses for him not being around because there is no excuse for that but try to understand, for your sake, that it isn't your fault that he isn't around...unless he has verbally told you that himself. He will, one day, realize the mistake he has made with his choice of not being around his daughter in the most precious times. Until then, try to find love within. Tell yourself that you are worth all the love in the world and you are strong enough to live through this and have a better life. If you can, talk to someone positive that you can trust. It's always nice when you can get things off of your chest and someone is there to lift you back up when you're feeling down. It will take some time but you really are worth every effort. *hugs*
i wouldn't consider you mean or anything like that. only you can decide if you will move on. talk to someone you trust about this, just try. you don't even have to mention the real reasons, but ask for help. it can't hurt. best of luck to you.
Parents abandoning a child can be a cause for major psychological problems down the road. And you add that with a lost of a best friend as well... Did your parents or parent ever talk to you about why your dad left? Is your mom still with you or are you with some other relatives?

You cannot start loving or caring about someone else until you can learn to love and care about yourself. Since there seems to be a lot of emotional, psychological turmoil in your life right now, you should speak with a professional for help (try a consoler at school first).
try to heal your heart. you seem like my twin execpt the dad and friend thing.although a close family friend just passed away and it was the saddest thing i had experienced in my life . that could have made it worse 4 u and me. i seem confident and girls think i am ,quotes "gorgeous" but i just really hate myself. i don't appear that way though. sometimes my mom tells me i look really angry but i know my mom thinks i am truly outright mean sometimes but i don't think that makes us a mean person. have tried making myself stronger. not crying when i am down. it makes it harder when my 11 year old brother is perfect. I dont know what to do. i want to just grow up already and be successful and live me life. nothing confusing about if. but if life was perfect it would be boring. better maybe i guess. but boring.
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
alot of ppl that i am friends with have told me that when they first met me, they did not like me.

i dont have a lot of close friends and like you this is becoz i think that i have issues with trusting ppl but its also becoz i am so totally up myself and a lot of ppl think i love myself.

there's only 1 person you can ever truly rely on in life and that is yourself and the way i see it is - if no one else is gonna love me then it doesn't matter coz i already have myself to love me!

your fine! we are all different in this world and there is nothing wrong with your personality. what you have to do is focus on the talents that you DO have... and forget about all the things you are not so good at. you are never gonna be the best at absolutely everything you do in life and no one in this world ever will be.

also, dont worry about whether or not you are crazy becoz i think there is a lil bit of craziness in everyone these days and ppl who dont have that element of craziness are just boring.

Chin up and good luck!

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