Some questions. I saw this program on TV a few nights ago and it interested me..?
Answer:
As someone who was bullied all through Jr. High and the earlier part of High School (and still thinks about it more than 20 years later) ... he MUST find a way to be confident and take a stand.
I don't know about society needing bullies, but I know that your brother should consider going "berzerker" on that bully, like breaking out his teeth with one of those small-size baseball bats. Sure, he might get into some trouble with the law, but ...
...just sayin', that's what I would do if I could go back to 1985. You beat the shyt out of someone with a 2x4 and I'll bet they think twice about messing with you again ... and if the cycle of violence starts, where a deserved beating encourages more bullying, you keep at it until the bully goes after an easier target.
Maybe today's measures to prevent another "Columbine" would work AGAINST your brother as an aggressor, though. I know it's not necessarily "PC" to say so, but I actually identified more with the killers than the victims in that episode.
Whatever your bro does, he MUST NOT continue to do nothing.
Hmmm... good luck.
1) yes. 2) no. we need more programs that address the issues BEHIND the bullying, instead of just punishing the bully. 3) yes. 4) no. i think they're really troubled people--and very, very angry--and they take their anger out on people who will not stand up to them, or who they feel comfortable labeling as their 'scapegoat.'
1.)No, but they'll always be there so learning the best way to deal with them is important. 2.)It depends on the system where you are at, and what age you are. It has been seen that bully-bullied relationships can grow til the people are quite old, (lawsuits and such). Some schools do a wonderful job of both isolating the issue and trying to speak with the families of all involved about the issues to try to discern a root cause, and some school systems just tell you to deal with it. 3.) Still no, but still as long as there are people willing to be bullied and people feeling the need to bully others bullies will be here. 4.) And no, not all bullies are cowards. Many are viewed that way not because of cowardly acts, but because like electricity they go with the path of least resistence...so many times standing up for yourself puts the bully in the mindset that they must find an easier target to relenquish their pent up aggresion.
As far as your step-brother, he needs the confidence to stand up for himself. Perhaps building closer relationships with friends, perhaps just having the confidence that you would be there as a friend. Comfort him with his faults and build up his strengths.
Society definitely does not need bullies. Bullying in schools is one of the most serious traumas that can happen to a young person, resulting in loss of self worth, increases in drug use and even suicide. I am a teacher and have found that kids who bully often have severe personal issues, but I don't think they are just cowardly. He or she never comes from stable home environments and are often bullied at home. They have poor self-concepts and are so immature and in so much pain they do whatever they can to grasp for power.
I have even challenged one of my biggest bullies to pick on the toughest/smartest/well-liked kid in the class--the bully looked at me like I was crazy. "No way, I'd rather pick on the ones who don't stand up for themselves or are physically smaller than him." Well duh! So that proves my point that the bully targets his victims. So try to help your stepbrother not be as big of a target for this neighborhood bully.
Tell your step bro--Think about it--when you feel good about yourself, why on earth would you ever do something to make someone else feel bad about them self? You wouldn't. So a bully is basically a very unhappy person and this has nothing to do with you!
If the bullying gets to be more than your step brother can handle on his own (if the kids are evenly matched in age, size, etc. I would let him handle it on his own as long as you can), then give him some advice on how to stand up to him, things you've successfully done in your life. Then pass off that conversation to your dad. Next, uncle or grandpa. Then maybe Mom. But if at any time, he looks like he is really, really going down a dark path, get your parents involved.
good luck--your brother is lucky to have you looking out for him!
1) No, but it sometimes leads to good things. No because it's a stupid act of random violence to someone the bully thinks as inferior and it really can harm the bullied child. I was a victim, it isn't easy. Although, since being surrounded by better people I've re-convinced myself that I'm worth what I am. I'm more confident than I was then and I've learned that only my opinion and a few others opinions are important. That if people bully me they're just not worth my time or the time it takes to grieve over it. Although, it did take a couple years to re-build.
2) Not really, at my school I went to the principal. They didn't punish the kids, didn't talk to the kids, didn't do anything and by that point I really needed help with it. It was ruined my self-esteem, my friendships, lowered my grades. I ended up switching schools and was very lonely for long while.
3) See number one.
4) It depends on the bully. Some bully's have a crappy home-life and need to control something so they pick on others weaker than them. Some just enjoy being a dominant figure and others still try and show off to people they want to impress. I wouldn't call them cowards, a lot of them have a lot of courage, (for lack of a better word I shall tarnish this one), and do stand up for their actions, they think that they deserve to do it, they don't often feel remorse for their actions. Cowards do things because they feel forced and when caught they show at least a little remorse.
As for your step-brother, I wish him luck and feel his pain. Basically he just needs to realise that people such as this aren't worth his time or mind-space. He just needs to tell himself to ignore them, that they aren't important because in reality, they are not.
The answers post by the user, for information only, FunQA.com does not guarantee the right.
More Questions and Answers: