Alone, lonely, depressed, & unsure of what I should do next or how to act?
I'm lonely, depressed. I'm 35 now and have never had a boyfriend. I don't know what I want in life. For a time I was scared to meet new people & go out. But then I did & started going out more in the last 5 yrs. I still can't seem to meet anyone who's interested in me to want to date me. I'm somewhat shy, but can carry a decent conversation. I'm slim, but carry around abt 15 extra pounds.
I don't have great passion in life or much motivation to do anything because nothing ever worked out for me (relationship-wise). It's not good to meet anyone at work, but even so, I work w/all women! I take classes, there's women around. I go out w/a friend, and no one asks for my # or email. I've sent out some pictures to some guys online, no answer. I feel pathetic, & it's done a lot to hurt my confidence. I'm attractive; but I find guys are not interested in me seriously or long-term. Sure, I'm good for a 1-night stand, but nothing meaningful & lasting.
Is there an attitude I need to adopt?
Answer:
talk to GOD
check out http://www.emotionsanonymous.org...
also check out http://www.healthyplace.com
also check out http:www.talkcity.com they have great chat rooms for all sorts of things from romance to friends to spiritual to depression etc...
and its free to register and chat
www.match.com
oh my !! well you have trained yourself to think your not worthy of all good things..your heart has listen to your mouth, i encourage you to wake up with an attitude that you are beautiful, and your worth more then pure gold, also make it a point to find a hobby or sport you like and stick to it..confidence is built by the words of your mouth...
Well it could be because the vibes you are giving off...Now I'm not trying to be mean or anything it is that how you feel about yourself and your life reflect as vibes when you meet and talk with people..If you become content with the fact that you are 35 and single then I would almost promise that that would change..
You say you have no great passion in life. Find one. Find something you enjoy, even if it's a hobby. Take classes or join groups for that hobby. You are bound to meet someone who also enjoys that hobby. That is something you have in common - something you can build on.
Also, adopt a positive attitude. It won't come easy, and it won't come overnight. Just think of yourself - your self-image - in a positive light, and others will automatically think that, too. I am also a bit shy, but it helps me to dress the part I want to play and somewhat play a character. That character? A smart, funny, good-looking me.
I hope that you'll be able to meet more mature men this way, and that you'll be happier, too.
Best wishes to you.
Stop looking. Find your happines from within and without looking for it, it will come out of you naturally. They will see it in you because you will shine naturally. You don't have to make anybody happy, just be happy yourself. Concentrate on the things that you want to do and haven't done so far, try to focus on your own dreams and achievement and people will notice that in you, Remember, this is about you and your happiness, it is just around the corner
as hard as it is, you need to start loving yourself to see the good things in you.
i am doing this now and i don't have that many friends either or ppl who ask for my phone number.
I do not personally believe that you are only good for only a one night stand. From what I am reading you seem very sweet and sincere. The fact that you have not had a boyfriend is does not mean that there is anything missing in your life. In situations like this , you must continue to stand strong and get your passion and love for life back. For praying and reading the Bible do that. Take some time out for yourself and just dote on yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family that will encourage you and help you to stand strong. I will pray for you, that the LORD will grant you the desires of your heart. Stay encouraged. God bless you
You said it yourself your good for a 1 night stand. Don't sleep with people on the first date, theyv'e took polls on this and something like 99% of guys said they wouldn't date someone they had a 1 night stand with. Sex should be the last thing in a relationship not the first. Get to know them and give them a chance to get to know you.
I feel that you need to totally understand what makes you tick. What activity makes you smile and feel alive? What books or music or artwork defines you or speaks for you? Who or what has impacted you in what ways? I'll bet that you are a very passionate person, but cannot see how because you seem to be caught up in a "relationship-only" mindset. It's really important to be able to stand on your own feet solidly and self-assuredly and understand yourself as much as possible before asking someone else to understand you. You must really like and love yourself before anyone will be able to really like or love you. You will find yourself smiling more and being satisfied with simple social contacts, rather than constantly craving the "fairytale boyfriend".
Become involved in something that you find personally rewarding (volunteering?). You may meet someone with a good heart while participating in a good-hearted activity.
But remember, you should also understand that just having a boyfriend is not a guarantee for happiness. Personally, I am single as well, and when I look back at my heartbreaks and failed relationships, I am thankful that I did not end up with someone for the wrong reasons who daily makes my life miserable.
woah wait a minute. In my eyes, all people are great and deserve utmost respect initially. Therefore you are no less. But for some reason, you are single. I don't know exactly why it happens, but it happens to several people for different reasons.
However, just remain a good and respectful person who's compassionate to other people. If you are still single, then ask a man out whom you like to a movie, or dinner. Who cares if you have difficulty making friends and aren't in that social popular circle at the moment. Just ask out a guy to an activity you like, and start small, just you and him on a date. Or if you remain single and continue to have trouble, maybe your friends can set you up or introduce you to guys. Pursue your interests too. Develop an ambition, and something that you enjoy. You must do all these things, or else everything you do seems worthless. This can't continue any longer because I'm saying that you are worth much more than money or any other material good can offer. I hope this will put a smile on your face, and it will lead to a small step in a happy direction.
Either this, or you may just bump into some guy out of the blue, or you might pass out and regain consciousness to a sexy man haha. If you pursue your interests, then you will be partly enjoying yourself and gaining self-worth, by going after things you like. This may generate some interest from some guys and other girls who you may become friends with. Either way, just ask out some guy, at the right moment, to a movie and dairy queen or something.
By the way I'm single too, but I think there are some girls who like me at the moment (haha but they got boyfriends, so no one is making a move. I'll call it "the waiting game", or "not going after what we want just yet"). Eventually, I'll meet someone. I've had a few girlfriends (4 or 5 of them, none longer than 2 months relationships). I'm in college, perhaps I should just go after some chicks at bars and just go "do it" all the time haha.
I find it difficult to meet new people and then form a relationship, like with complete strangers. They need to be someone who I'm familiar with, or introduced by someone I'm familiar with. Or, it can happen naturally through a good moment to spark a conversation through humourous or interesting comments. Don't worry, it will happen, if you let it. I'm a pretty easy and laid back, athletic, and serious when needed to be, kinda guy. Pretty reserved and uptight about some things when you get to know me tho haha.
From what I've seen though, most people just hitch up with someone because they hate being alone, or fear being by themselves, without being attached to someone, even if the relationship isn't that great, and they could be with someone way better. However, I'm content being on my own at the moment, i'm 20. I have a hard time forming actual relationships.
i think theres probably more to this that youre not telling us...have you ever tried talking to a therapist or going on some kind of anti depressant medication?...there must be some rational explanation as to why you say you cant have relationships...using my common sense, i would say you might have a social anxiety disorder or something else and havent acknowledged its effect on your relationships...when describing yourself, you seemed to focus a lot on your physical attributes...the only thing you mentioned about your attitude or personality is that you can carry a decent conversation..."Sure, I'm good for a 1-night stand, but nothing meaningful & lasting."...that is sad that you treat yourself in such a way...it sounds like you allow yourself to be used by the wrong kind of guys because in your mind maybe its "better than nothing"...think about the people who you associate with...do they bring out the best in your personality and do you feel good when youre around them?...i mean, theres could be so many different reasons why you are depressed and lonely...i really get the feeling that its the people you surround yourself with that is contributing mostly to how you feel...
I'm in the same situation as you. Never had a boyfriend and don't know what i want in life. But you know everyone is lonely in their own way. My advice to you is to build your confidence in yourself one step at a time. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and tell yourself how good and adorable you are. It works! or work on the goal of losing that last 15 pounds. When you're doing your best to look your best, it gives you an extra boost.
I haven't had a boyfriend because i've set my standards high and most people don't fit it. It's better to wait until the right one comes along than just accept anybody. I'm trying to improve my confidence too and admire those who have it but you never know...those that appear most content have their weak spots too. Life is like a wheel, sometimes you're at the bottom and some people may be at the top but as it spins, one day you'll be at the top. Just be patient and trust that one day your dream guy will feel privileged to have you be his girlfriend. Good luck and remember we're all in the same boat.
I'm still quite a bit younger than you are (25), so forgive me if what comes out of my mouth is sounding ridiculous. I can't say I've never had a boyfriend before, but I'm on a dry spell of nearly 4 years now and I don't expect anything to change. Unlike you, I work with almost ONLY men. And no, you won't definetely get any closer of reaching your goal this way. Trust me when I say that only gets you farther away.
The times I went out, never ever ever EVER have I had a guy asking my phone number or e-mail. Only drunk really old farts come up to hang all over me. I met boyfriends in college or via groups of people I hung out with. Now everything is gone, and I no longer have any source. What I've done up until now is just being adventurous and ask men out myself. That also doesn't work, because apparently I'm picking men whom of course 1000 women are in the same line for. Now I'm not willing to do this myself because I feel that's digging my own grave in the bed department, but maybe getting the guts to directly ask some guy that's half decent will do it for you? On the other hand, that'll get you a guy you won't naturally warm up for and since women have the tendency to confuse friendship and sex and whatnot, bad idea. ESPECIALLY for a first relationship. Trust me on that one.
I don't know; I've noticed that getting a guys attention so he's tempted to come to you has to do with how easy you look. Not as in, slutty or sexy clothing, but actually literally if you look like you're approachable. Approachable translates to:
- please hide any forms of intelligence (because that can be scary at first)
- please look like you are a good chatter and can chat about anything
- do not look frightened or reserved
- look like you're having a good time (but not too much)
- make sure there's times you are standing alone (still having a good time)
That's about as much as I could figure out and can still not get down. Personally, I prefer to be just the way I am. If that frightens em, let them ** their pants then.
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I don't have great passion in life or much motivation to do anything because nothing ever worked out for me (relationship-wise). It's not good to meet anyone at work, but even so, I work w/all women! I take classes, there's women around. I go out w/a friend, and no one asks for my # or email. I've sent out some pictures to some guys online, no answer. I feel pathetic, & it's done a lot to hurt my confidence. I'm attractive; but I find guys are not interested in me seriously or long-term. Sure, I'm good for a 1-night stand, but nothing meaningful & lasting.
Is there an attitude I need to adopt?
Answer:
talk to GOD
check out http://www.emotionsanonymous.org...
also check out http://www.healthyplace.com
also check out http:www.talkcity.com they have great chat rooms for all sorts of things from romance to friends to spiritual to depression etc...
and its free to register and chat
www.match.com
oh my !! well you have trained yourself to think your not worthy of all good things..your heart has listen to your mouth, i encourage you to wake up with an attitude that you are beautiful, and your worth more then pure gold, also make it a point to find a hobby or sport you like and stick to it..confidence is built by the words of your mouth...
Well it could be because the vibes you are giving off...Now I'm not trying to be mean or anything it is that how you feel about yourself and your life reflect as vibes when you meet and talk with people..If you become content with the fact that you are 35 and single then I would almost promise that that would change..
You say you have no great passion in life. Find one. Find something you enjoy, even if it's a hobby. Take classes or join groups for that hobby. You are bound to meet someone who also enjoys that hobby. That is something you have in common - something you can build on.
Also, adopt a positive attitude. It won't come easy, and it won't come overnight. Just think of yourself - your self-image - in a positive light, and others will automatically think that, too. I am also a bit shy, but it helps me to dress the part I want to play and somewhat play a character. That character? A smart, funny, good-looking me.
I hope that you'll be able to meet more mature men this way, and that you'll be happier, too.
Best wishes to you.
Stop looking. Find your happines from within and without looking for it, it will come out of you naturally. They will see it in you because you will shine naturally. You don't have to make anybody happy, just be happy yourself. Concentrate on the things that you want to do and haven't done so far, try to focus on your own dreams and achievement and people will notice that in you, Remember, this is about you and your happiness, it is just around the corner
as hard as it is, you need to start loving yourself to see the good things in you.
i am doing this now and i don't have that many friends either or ppl who ask for my phone number.
I do not personally believe that you are only good for only a one night stand. From what I am reading you seem very sweet and sincere. The fact that you have not had a boyfriend is does not mean that there is anything missing in your life. In situations like this , you must continue to stand strong and get your passion and love for life back. For praying and reading the Bible do that. Take some time out for yourself and just dote on yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family that will encourage you and help you to stand strong. I will pray for you, that the LORD will grant you the desires of your heart. Stay encouraged. God bless you
You said it yourself your good for a 1 night stand. Don't sleep with people on the first date, theyv'e took polls on this and something like 99% of guys said they wouldn't date someone they had a 1 night stand with. Sex should be the last thing in a relationship not the first. Get to know them and give them a chance to get to know you.
I feel that you need to totally understand what makes you tick. What activity makes you smile and feel alive? What books or music or artwork defines you or speaks for you? Who or what has impacted you in what ways? I'll bet that you are a very passionate person, but cannot see how because you seem to be caught up in a "relationship-only" mindset. It's really important to be able to stand on your own feet solidly and self-assuredly and understand yourself as much as possible before asking someone else to understand you. You must really like and love yourself before anyone will be able to really like or love you. You will find yourself smiling more and being satisfied with simple social contacts, rather than constantly craving the "fairytale boyfriend".
Become involved in something that you find personally rewarding (volunteering?). You may meet someone with a good heart while participating in a good-hearted activity.
But remember, you should also understand that just having a boyfriend is not a guarantee for happiness. Personally, I am single as well, and when I look back at my heartbreaks and failed relationships, I am thankful that I did not end up with someone for the wrong reasons who daily makes my life miserable.
woah wait a minute. In my eyes, all people are great and deserve utmost respect initially. Therefore you are no less. But for some reason, you are single. I don't know exactly why it happens, but it happens to several people for different reasons.
However, just remain a good and respectful person who's compassionate to other people. If you are still single, then ask a man out whom you like to a movie, or dinner. Who cares if you have difficulty making friends and aren't in that social popular circle at the moment. Just ask out a guy to an activity you like, and start small, just you and him on a date. Or if you remain single and continue to have trouble, maybe your friends can set you up or introduce you to guys. Pursue your interests too. Develop an ambition, and something that you enjoy. You must do all these things, or else everything you do seems worthless. This can't continue any longer because I'm saying that you are worth much more than money or any other material good can offer. I hope this will put a smile on your face, and it will lead to a small step in a happy direction.
Either this, or you may just bump into some guy out of the blue, or you might pass out and regain consciousness to a sexy man haha. If you pursue your interests, then you will be partly enjoying yourself and gaining self-worth, by going after things you like. This may generate some interest from some guys and other girls who you may become friends with. Either way, just ask out some guy, at the right moment, to a movie and dairy queen or something.
By the way I'm single too, but I think there are some girls who like me at the moment (haha but they got boyfriends, so no one is making a move. I'll call it "the waiting game", or "not going after what we want just yet"). Eventually, I'll meet someone. I've had a few girlfriends (4 or 5 of them, none longer than 2 months relationships). I'm in college, perhaps I should just go after some chicks at bars and just go "do it" all the time haha.
I find it difficult to meet new people and then form a relationship, like with complete strangers. They need to be someone who I'm familiar with, or introduced by someone I'm familiar with. Or, it can happen naturally through a good moment to spark a conversation through humourous or interesting comments. Don't worry, it will happen, if you let it. I'm a pretty easy and laid back, athletic, and serious when needed to be, kinda guy. Pretty reserved and uptight about some things when you get to know me tho haha.
From what I've seen though, most people just hitch up with someone because they hate being alone, or fear being by themselves, without being attached to someone, even if the relationship isn't that great, and they could be with someone way better. However, I'm content being on my own at the moment, i'm 20. I have a hard time forming actual relationships.
i think theres probably more to this that youre not telling us...have you ever tried talking to a therapist or going on some kind of anti depressant medication?...there must be some rational explanation as to why you say you cant have relationships...using my common sense, i would say you might have a social anxiety disorder or something else and havent acknowledged its effect on your relationships...when describing yourself, you seemed to focus a lot on your physical attributes...the only thing you mentioned about your attitude or personality is that you can carry a decent conversation..."Sure, I'm good for a 1-night stand, but nothing meaningful & lasting."...that is sad that you treat yourself in such a way...it sounds like you allow yourself to be used by the wrong kind of guys because in your mind maybe its "better than nothing"...think about the people who you associate with...do they bring out the best in your personality and do you feel good when youre around them?...i mean, theres could be so many different reasons why you are depressed and lonely...i really get the feeling that its the people you surround yourself with that is contributing mostly to how you feel...
I'm in the same situation as you. Never had a boyfriend and don't know what i want in life. But you know everyone is lonely in their own way. My advice to you is to build your confidence in yourself one step at a time. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and tell yourself how good and adorable you are. It works! or work on the goal of losing that last 15 pounds. When you're doing your best to look your best, it gives you an extra boost.
I haven't had a boyfriend because i've set my standards high and most people don't fit it. It's better to wait until the right one comes along than just accept anybody. I'm trying to improve my confidence too and admire those who have it but you never know...those that appear most content have their weak spots too. Life is like a wheel, sometimes you're at the bottom and some people may be at the top but as it spins, one day you'll be at the top. Just be patient and trust that one day your dream guy will feel privileged to have you be his girlfriend. Good luck and remember we're all in the same boat.
I'm still quite a bit younger than you are (25), so forgive me if what comes out of my mouth is sounding ridiculous. I can't say I've never had a boyfriend before, but I'm on a dry spell of nearly 4 years now and I don't expect anything to change. Unlike you, I work with almost ONLY men. And no, you won't definetely get any closer of reaching your goal this way. Trust me when I say that only gets you farther away.
The times I went out, never ever ever EVER have I had a guy asking my phone number or e-mail. Only drunk really old farts come up to hang all over me. I met boyfriends in college or via groups of people I hung out with. Now everything is gone, and I no longer have any source. What I've done up until now is just being adventurous and ask men out myself. That also doesn't work, because apparently I'm picking men whom of course 1000 women are in the same line for. Now I'm not willing to do this myself because I feel that's digging my own grave in the bed department, but maybe getting the guts to directly ask some guy that's half decent will do it for you? On the other hand, that'll get you a guy you won't naturally warm up for and since women have the tendency to confuse friendship and sex and whatnot, bad idea. ESPECIALLY for a first relationship. Trust me on that one.
I don't know; I've noticed that getting a guys attention so he's tempted to come to you has to do with how easy you look. Not as in, slutty or sexy clothing, but actually literally if you look like you're approachable. Approachable translates to:
- please hide any forms of intelligence (because that can be scary at first)
- please look like you are a good chatter and can chat about anything
- do not look frightened or reserved
- look like you're having a good time (but not too much)
- make sure there's times you are standing alone (still having a good time)
That's about as much as I could figure out and can still not get down. Personally, I prefer to be just the way I am. If that frightens em, let them ** their pants then.
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