I am going to BLOW UP!!! HELP? My wife is emotionally abused by her mom!!?
recently we just had our third child. Her parents would always stay at our home in the past, but due to limited space we have now decided that both sets of parents will now stay at hotels if they choose to visit.
Her mother replied in email-below-
Couldn’t sleep until I wrote this. Let us know what you would like for us to do, we would love to come as planned but understand if not ok. You are the one dealing with everything not us , hopefully you will be able to come in August as you said. I can’t speak for your father.but, sure our feelings are hurt and we will get over it , oops I just typed we! We just want you to know that we are always here for you and the kids no matter what ,I apologize if I upset you, I kind of feel like I have to watch what I say and do with all of you anymore (sister-too) . I was hoping we were past all this.Let us know how not to cause any more heartache for you both-END
Answer:
You and your wife are independent ADULTS who can take things into your own hands. Don't let parents treat you like your STILL A KID! Tell them that. PUT your foot down. Its time theres some changes to be made. Set your goals straight and make it clear to the parental units. Now what are you waiting for?! Do it.
I have parents like that and finally I got feed up with there B.S. and told them to take a hike and they did, now its been over a year and they haven't talked to me; and you know what it been a very nice clam year!
If this is the best example of emotional abuse by your in laws, I am envious. Your mother in law is apologetic, wants to stay connected and is asking for advice as to how not to upset your family.
You need to calm down, your wife needs you, your children need you. From what I am reading in her email, this is not abuse, she expressed her opinion and hurt feelings because she has to walk on egg shells around you and her other daughter. So, she's offering not to come. Accept it and suggest Christmas.
I read the email three times and in no way do I find the email offensive.
I think you and your wife must be suffering from the "babyblues," I say, get over it!
Her parents' feelings were hurt! Her mother is trying to be as nice as possible because she interprets staying in a motel as rejection. Has she ever asked your wife to stay in a motel when she visits? No matter what the logistics, accept the fact that feelings were hurt on both sides and stop seeing your relations from only your point of view.
I wouldn't really call this emotional abuse. That is a really strong word to use. It seems like a lack of good communication. Maybe you all should talk more, and stay away from emails. They are toneless and sometimes it's best to hear the sincerity of the conversation or points being made. If it is worse than what you've stated above, I think you and you wife should stay away from her mom for a while and focus on the two of you. Don't let anyone strain your marriage...you two come first always. Good luck!
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