Hi, I had a meltdown in front of my whole family and now I’m wondering if I'll always be an angry 16 yr.old?

OK, I asked my mom if I could plan a dinner party at her house for my daughter’s visit in town. She said yes and we plan a nice quiet dinner with the family. It all goes well and then she had more food and a birthday cake delivered. Now the room is loud, the kids in party mode, and she starts to push my buttons. I jump into defensive mode and tell her no, just like I’ve done for years over the same issue. She keeps on me and we have this big fight in front of the whole family. I’m yelling at her like I’m 16 again! It only ends because I get so stressed that I have to leave the house. Being the professional she is, I’m the one that comes off as crazy. I’m a bit claustrophobic and hate loud noises and then she rips open old scars! I just had a meltdown! Now, I’m so embarrassed that I never want to see any of them again. That’s fine with me. My problem is has all the changes I’ve made to better myself been a lie? It sure looks that way. Who am I if I’m not the person I thought I was?

Answer:
Life sometimes plays tricks on you. Even when you are not meaning to do things they occur. You know you were feeling bad when it was happening. Now you are ashamed. You feel like you have been exposed. Sometimes it is hard to control your emotions. It happens to every one. So the best thing would have been to remove yourself from the situation.

Most probably apologizing to your mom would probably help. And to other people that are close to you who observed the situation. It will show that you are mature enough to take responsibilities for your mistakes. And it will motivate you to act differently in the future.
You ARE who you ARE!! God I hate family most of the time!! Just live your life for YOU and DO NOT allow anyone to make you question yourself!! Tell her to mind her own damn business and get on with your life!! Life is too short to spend it questioning yourself! BE HAPPY!!
You made the mistake of assuming that your core personality, or your mom's, would ever change. That will NEVER happen - and this is the key failing in all relationships. If you know that you are going to fight with her, then just leave. Unfortunately you argued with her before you could just walk out, which is why the brooding is still continuing.

I am the exact same way with my mom. We live in different states now, and we talk on the phone all the time. We only see each other a few days a year. She always pushes my buttons. I cant spend any more than a day or two in her presense before I absolutely have to escape. We are just not compatible with each other in close quarters.
The first step toward wisdom is to recognize your frailties. The second step is to figure out how to work around them. No two persons will be alike in this, so I can't provide much specific advice.

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