What can I do to fix this?
Answer:
Wow. I used to be a lot like that. The thing is -are you honestly, naturally shy? If you are then that can be good, just be yourself- there is nothing wrong with that... IF though, you are like I was and your shyness is preventing the "real you" from coming out (and/or interfering with work etc) then you need to do something..
Two things that worked for me - (different problem, but it may help) I used to stutter- then one day I really just firmly and absolutely decided that I did not want to be a person who stuttered... I didn't do anything about it, I just REALLY made that decision- within a month, I realized I had stopped stuttering;
The shyness was different- I had to pick up someone from the train station... I was nervous. She had no idea who (or how) I was , so she just treated me like a friendly "normal" person.. I simply responded like a friendly, normal person- and it changed my life.
(Not really an answer, but perhaps you can get yourself into a similar situation)
Good luck - and remember, yes,it's okay if you are scared- be "scared" , face it- and then believe that you don't have to or need to be scared - and that there IS a way out..
One last thing - helping others, doing something for someone else's benefit can be a wonderful way to "step outside" of your shell ... if you are truly concerned, this can give you incredible strength to keep your "shyness" from interfering ...
Take care
omg finally ive found someone who is actally like me i find it so hard to cos i never know wat to say i just try and think of a tv show i saw and say did ya see that last nite or i was walking down the rd and.. its hard but im slowly getting there email me if ya want to chat hun we can help each other out xx
sleeping with your boss helps alot
You have got to start going out a little more. Do things on your own or with a friend, gain your confidence that is all it is. LACK OF CONFIDENCE. You are not the only one and you wont be the last. You can go on course to help, cognative therapy i think they are called.
I keep saying to myself i am just as good as everyone else , i can do just as good as job as everyone else and if they dont want to speak to me then that is there problem NOT MINE.
Say it over and over again.
Do things you like doing and not to please other people, you are living your life not your life for others the way others expect you to be.
It would be a very sad world if we are all the same so think of yourself as unique, because you are, you are special very special and they are the idiots for not seeing it. They are so wrapped up in there sad little lives not to notice how specail and giving you are.
Be strong and enjoy life we have one shot at it dont waste it.
May your god go with you, take care.
May be you should try to be a lot more bold.Don't be a mouse.Make urself as interresting as possible.
hmmm shyness vs unemployment.... tell yourself that they r only ppl and cannot do anything u dont allow them too. do some relaxation before u start and keep telling yourself that its only your own confidence doing this. Work on that take compliments and run with them and leave criticism( excerpt constructive which is positive). You will get better and more self confident as u start to relax and getting your mind to a place where it only tells how how things REALLY are and not what it wants YOU to think they are. YOu can do it take care you will get there
Stop thinking about how YOU seem to others. Start judging other people. Laugh at them. Criticize them. Make them feel ridiculous!! Remember: you only live once. So don't let the moments go wasted!
Just start having some get togethers in the weekends .. ... Then u will come closer to ur coleagues .
Just relax and be yourself. If yourself is "being clumsy" then good luck. lol jk
Seriously though...you don't always need to "get to know" everyone that you work with or share your work day with. You don't need to strike up conversationgs with them everyday.
Don't be scared of screwing up. Have confidence in yourself. Tell yourself that you are here to learn and meet new people. Again, relax. Just go with the flow.
I used to be shy, but I keep telling myself not to be and that's how I learn to overcome the shyness. I hope you do too, eventually.
I know it's stupid but, there is an old book Called " How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnage.My Dad told me to read it when I started out in Business.It was very helpful to me in dealing with people at work and in my private life.The book gives a lot of tips on how to overcome the things you are talking about.The Carnage Book is famous in the business world and though it came out in the 1930's, it is still be taught today all over the World.
Good luck
The way you are feeling is more common than you realise. Eventually you will open up and speak to someone and you'll probably find they have been feeling just the same as you. It took me a lot of years to get through this barrier, don't let it trip you up too. Pass the time of day with everyone every day, this way you will soon have friends instead of scary colleagues. Good luck
well using the word fix is not appropriate for your situation, all you need to do is make one friend out of all the people you work with who will really find out your true personality, when you achieve this which is really simple to do ( like sending a gift across or ask them to lunch ). With the filling of being known by at least one person will give you the confidence you need to walk up to your office every morning with a smile on your face.
I moved from a small town to the largest city in the state & too old to meet people in school. I got tired of not having any friends so I forced myself to introduce myself to others and/or comment on something they were wearing or saying.
My knees would be shaking inwardly so bad & my heart racing so fast I was sure I'd faint dead away. But found to the most part others responded friendly as well. Very few feel comfortable ignoring you & sometimes you make a new friend.
If I'm in a really uncomfortable situation I'm now a nervous talker. But hardly anyone notices though it seems obvious to me. Talk about things you know they are interested in or tell an unoffensive joke. Everyone likes to laugh & it eases the tension.
Learn to allow yourself to be human & laugh at yourself. Since I quit taking myself so serious & worrying what others thought I've found people are more comfortable around me. Sometimes being shy can come across as arrogance which naturally turns others off.
You just have to make a decision whether you want to hide in your shell where it's safe, yet lonely or be part of the dance of life where sometimes things go wrong but overall more unenjoyable, then take the plunge.
lift your head up , look people in the eye when talking to them and 'act as if' you are not shy no matter how you feel inside.
If you start by acting as if you are confident, then you will eventually become more confident as this side of your personality will develop.
When you are in a one to one situation ask the other person a question therefore this turns the attention to them. Do this regularly and be genuinely interested in their answer which will lead to further questions and conversations that will continue each time you chat to each other.
Eventually you will have built up relationships and hopefully some good friends!
The shyness in you seems to be related to self-esteem issues (worried about screwing up). This is a "mental handicap" for you in life and worth changing, despite being challenging, because what you gain instead are so worth the effort.
There are courses available for you to boost up your self-esteem, speaking and interpersonal skills, such as Carnegie.
You should try to put yourself more forward e.g. make a plan of talk to one person per day by starting with easy approaches as in "How are you?" or ask for assistance in a task you are doing. Good social cue is showing their life interest e.g. what they are doing this weekend.
Make a list of all your qualities and what you have to bring into a conversation as a person. Read the list everyday outloud and add more and more positive things you become aware of in yourself. Say these things to yourself in the mirror as well. Will look strange in the beginning, but you'll quickly get used to this.
Flooding is a good technique where you talk to pretty much everyone you meet, screwing up or not, just keep on going and the shyness and fear of failing will decrease.
Good luck!
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