How do I do it?

For over 10 years I've been trying to break through this muck that is on me. I want and need to like and love myself and not seek approval from others letting that be why I do or do not like or love myself. I've been trying to figure this out for a long time and I'm just so drained. I know all of the cliche's and I have a storage container filled with god awful self-help books I've been to counseling - I've tried religion - I even went to AA meetings with a friend (though I don't really drink) looking for a way to like and love me. I know that is the problem, I can't get past. When I do begin to like myself a bit I start confincing myself that the people who are my friends don't really like me and they just deal with me and why would anyone like me. I replay things I do/say in my head and feel embarassed that I wasn't polished or lady like or professional. Then I start to not like me again. Does anyone have any magical words or fairy dust they could spare? Advise helps too.

Answer:
Couple things might help

1) There's a bit of self-loathing that is in all honesty a little vain. I used to feel this way too, until I realized that people weren't paying attention to me to judge me of every hour of every day, and nor did they care. I thought that was enlightening.

2) You might not like yourself because there are things about you that you just don't like. Think about what you don't like about yourself and change it. If it's your hair color, try dying it. If it's your job, find a new career. If it's your diet, eat differently. If it's your weight, go for daily walks. Etc, etc, etc. Even slight improvement of yourself in an area you don't like will help boost your confidence.

3) You need to learn to trust yourself. It has nothing to do with loving yourself and everything to do with trusting yourself.

4) Your constant worry about people not liking you and you not liking you is what could potentially cause people not to like you. Sound weird. People like people who are funny, brave, playful, confident, happy people to hang around. If you are down all the time. In fact, if you don't lighten up on your friends hating you, they may eventually do just that. Come out to your friends and say "hey, I'm feeling a little weird lately, and I'm starting to think that my friends don't like me, does that sound weird to you", and the first thing they'll likely say is "holy cow, yeah, where'd you come up with that?"

5) You're treating life awfully seriously. It's not. Lighten-up.

Heard a saying once: Never ever put yourself down, cause there are enough in this world ready to do it for you.

Magical word: Bibbidy, bobedy, boo!

..No magical words or fairy dust, right? Everyone makes mistakes. What you need to do to feel good about yourself and like yourself is to accept that you're imperfect, like everyone else. And accept accountability for your mistakes. Make restitution if possible and appropriate. Learn from the mistakes and commit to behaving differently in the future. Then forgive yourself. Acknowledge that you make mistakes like everyone else, and walk away from it, commit to a better future. That's how you do it. Can you do it?

You need to realize that a certain amount of what you are describing is completely normal for most humans. Don't concentrate so much on it. Many walk away from conversations feeling like that. Sounds like you may just want to work on a couple of you personality traits, things about your personality that you may feel irratates others. Like not saying I'm sorry all the time or not expecting people to agree with you on opinions or issues. Accept conflict, it is a natural part of the communication process. I don't know, Good Luck.

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How do I do it?

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