Anyone know how to adjust to life in a rural area, when you come from near-the-city?
But I'm such a recluse, raised that way, too, and have not found that usual one friend to turn to.
Yes, I have problems, but it used to be that I could talk to people at work about home, who cared? no one knew my people at home anyway.,
And I coudl have a bad, horrible experience at work, and nobody at home, or my friends in their towns, would talk about me or do anything but help me.
And if I had a bad experience at a job, I wouldn't worry that I would run into people, or that my future ability to get a job was compromised, because there are 8 million people on Long Island, and what are the odds, you know?
But up here, I've had a bad boss that I was called in by human resources about, and for the sake of the children, I told HR about the teacher's ways.
I ended up having her daughter in my class frequently as a substitute!
Please help me accept the total lack of anonymity.
Answer:
I like tstep's suggestions, and I have a few to add. First, don't gossip or complain about ANYBODY until you know exactly who you're talking to. Learned this the hard way. People in small towns seem to be related to each other, or best friends with each other, or neighbours, or whatever. Say the wrong thing to the wrong person, and you lose. Second, if it's a really small town you'll have to adjust your expectations when it comes to time. What is considered a normal length of time to complete or deliver something in a city is like warp speed in a small town. Things just go slower in a rural area. Third, join stuff. Figure out what you like to do, and try and find a place to do it with a group of people, because that's the place you're going to find a friend. That's the hardest part, not having the best friend to talk to and laugh with and share stuff with. My best friend and I have each moved around a lot to various small towns in various Canadian provinces. Her approach is great ... she assumes right up front that it's going to take her a year to settle in and find friends, and she says she's always very careful when it comes to the people who jump in and are kind of pushy about welcoming you. She's found that those are sometimes the ones you want to stay away from, because if they weren't weird they'd already have a life. Okay, so third, yes, you have to deal with everyone knowing your business. You complain about a person and then end up teaching her daughter ... that kind of thing happens in a small town. I've found that watching what I say to begin with keeps me from finding myself in those foot-in-my-mouth situations. I've also found that if I don't jump to conclusions, don't judge people quite so fast, and give them a chance, then they usually turn out to be not as bad as I thought they were at first. The beauty of the small town is that it forces you to find that out, instead of just writing a person off based on first impressions and missing out on the good stuff that person might have to offer (even if the good stuff is just the comedic value of the conversation you get to have at home with your man, lol) And my final thing is, ask for help when you need it. In a small community, people kind of depend on each other more than they do in a city. It's okay to call your neighbour when you need help, it's kind of expected. Of course, if you've just bad mouthed your neighbour to her cousin's daughter, they might not be too willing, but there you go. It's harder to live in a small town, takes more work on your part than in an anonymous city, but there are parts of it that are really great, if you can just take it on with a positive attitude. You live there right now, and you're going to spend a certain amount of time living there whether you are liking it or hating it, so you might as well be trying to like it.
growing up "rural" and especially in a chatty town a couple of pointers: One, don't act like your better than everyone else. Most people live in the "country" because they choose too, it's their way of life. Two, be nice. In small town most people tend to rely on each other a little more, if you can help your neighbor. Three, socialize. get in groups (PTA, Elks, Country Club, etc..) that way you can gossip about other people instead of other people gossiping about you. The last and most important, is get out frequently! Take breaks and go back to the city, or a city, or something just to get a way from the same old boring place. This will help you keep your insanity. With a little patience and imagination, you'll be fine. And every once in a while, do something to make everyone talk!
Well - you have to choose your words and actions a bit more carefully then, don't you?
Like you, I've relocated to a rural area from a big city. Honestly, I love it. I don't work in the small town, though...I commute to a suburban office some 40 miles away. But, I still live out in the boonies and I love it.
It's quiet and peaceful. I don't hear the neighbors...they don't have to hear me either. I have lots of space for my stuff. I don't worry about crime anymore. I can have my pets and truly enjoy them without worrying what anyone else thinks of them. I have a child I can raise without worrying someone will kidnap her, hurt her, or worse.
I can see the stars in the sky at night like never before...
So, look at the good things, and minimize the drama. Find some peace and solace in your rural environs and embrace it fully.
But, yes - slow down and consider your choices before making them at work. Always look out for the sake of the children. No one would ever fault ou for that.
Know that if you make the right decisions, they will follow you in the same manner that bad decisions do. A great reputation is just as easy to get as a bad one!
...and that one great friend you'd like to be able to turn to is out there...you simply haven't found them yet. Keep being yourself, and you'll find them soon enough!
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