I need advise please?
Answer:
Seems like a challenging situation... I use the word challenge rather than problem or issue because this slight consious change in perception can help you feel better about the situation whenever you think of it. First understand that you can't control your ex -- you've gotta realize and understand that there's little point in feeling upset because someone isn't doing something you want him/her to do. Of course you can always express your opinion, and try to persuade him/her to your point, but avoid controlling. There's a difference, and the line is often unclear. Also be aware that there's a difference between wanting something and needing something. You may want really REALLY badly to hear from him again -- I won't say whether I think you need it or not, because this is something YOU need to validate, not anyone else, but it does not necessarily mean you can't keep on living without it. Think about whether you REALLY need it, or if you're just tricking yourself into believing that you do because you'll feel happier. Ultimately "all you have is right now" (8th grade writing teacher) so just do what you can here and now to have what you want/need.
You can't really tell what a person's feeling/thinking unless they're willing to be honest with them, I mean come on -- Who really knows what people think, why they do what they do? Sometimes they themselves don't understand why they do certain things, so how can we, who are outside the situation and their heads, sort out and analyze and figure out what's going on and discover the answers to the why's and how's? I'm not being negative, just merely pointing out the fact that trying to figure out why/how other people do things is too connected -- meaning that their thoughts/feelings/ reactions are often based on the thoughts/reactions/feelings they've experience before to different situations, or how they grew up. You can't factor all of that into why they do what they do. Just try to understand that and let it go. Just let it go.
You can also do only so much to get the person to do what you want him to do. You really can't control things falling apart on his part. Rather than focus and only waste your energy on what he should change, focus on what you can/should/could change. And don't do it based on what you think he needs -- do it based on what you need, while also being kind to others, and just believe that it'll work out and it will. If you don't have that belief, that hope, what do you have?
One of my teachers once said that "Time heals all." As time moves on, as new things/people/circumstances come into your life, you'll begin to focus on those and slowly, methodically let go enough so that you can continue living life the way you want to. It'll happen because you can't focus the other things coming into your life -- if you do you'll destroy your life because certain things/people need your attention and energy and resources. It's all about choices... you're always in control of your choices. My freshman social studies teacher mentions that in class a lot -- the situation's the same, but you can either look at it as positive or negative. Either way it's correct -- one way's just gonna have more unnecessary pain that'll intervene in your growth.
The question you asked "What should I do?" -- be aware that you're asking others what you SHOULD do. I'd avoid doing that. That's something my teacher also mentions in class -- there are always things you should do. You should stay healthy by eating right/exercising, you should be kind to others, but make sure you get what you need/want, don't be afraid to be selfish enough to get that without hurting others. Of course, maybe some of the things you'll choose will be perceived by the majority as not normal or weird, but so be it. Just let it be. The only person you will always have to live with, for your entire life, no matter what, is yourself -- so why focus on doing what "should" be done to please others? Do what you need/want to do, but just don' t hurt others in the process of it.
That's about all I can say for now. Good luck, believe in yourself, and remember a quote from my 8th grade social studies teacher, one of my greatest role models -- "If you have a challenge, deal with it, learn from it, grow stronger for it, and move on..."
I think you need to pick up all those broken heart pieces around you and move on with your life. Never be afraid to move on. Have you ever had a loved one die? Mourn his departure as you would a death, keep the fond memories of him but go on in life and live it.. . . good luck to you
Consider it your good deed of the year. If a child is now with both his parents you may have saved it from a lousy life with just the insecure mom. Remember a good man will do the right thing and be there for his kid. He may be even willing to put up with the mama's crap in order to raise a child right.
Perhaps he doesn't call because he does care for you and it is hard on him. Could just be baby mama drama and she has control over him now. I'm am guessing he had nothing to do with the baby before you helped. He has now met the child and is falling in love with the kid. Your own child can do that to a person.
He may well regret it when down the road this gal proves to be, maybe A TRAMP and he realizes he lost you. But he has to do his life on his terms. He also has to do what right for the kid.
Try and move on. He may or may not ever call again. Just don't sit by the phone honey, you are more deserving of that.
TC
sorry for what happened but you just have to get on with your life... just try to move on.. remenber theres plenty of guys in the world not just one...
It's hard to say how and when will you hear from him again.
It sounds like his obligations lie elsewhere. It matters not what the other woman's motives are if your ex feels responsible for the result of an one night stand. You must remember there is a child involved.
Consider the existence of the child as closure to your relationship with him and find someone else who is entirely free to love you because your ex isn't.
The answers post by the user, for information only, FunQA.com does not guarantee the right.
More Questions and Answers: