Is it possible to live happily with a Vietnam Veteran who has PTSD? If so how?
Answer:
I live through the same thing with my Dad, only it's been over 35 years of dealing with it. No one can really understand what you're going through unless they've been through it as well.
There are times that my Dad is the most intelligent and wonderful guy in the world, and there are times when I want to beat the hell out of him for all that he has done to my family and myself. We have been dealing with him for years, but we still never really know when he's going to snap. He has grown older and weaker, which makes the physical altercations less severe than in the past.
For the VA system to work for you and your husband, you have to be very proactive with the system and be the glue that keeps everything together. Individually, the people who work in VA have daunting tasks, awesome responsibilities are very good at their jobs for the most part. However, the system itself can kill a Veteran. Your husband should be fortunate to have a support system in you. I've seen many Veterans that get lost in the system and live their lives out in a VA center and eventually die without a single person caring.
VA can help if you ask the right questions to the right people and be persistent in asking. Talk to your husband's counselor and let them hear your issues. If they won't listen, then find a counselor that will. VA provides a lot of resources than many don't know about unless they ask, and you need to be persistent in asking.
First and foremost is you need to remember to take care of yourself. Most VA hospitals have a program called respid care, which is sort of like an adult day care. Most Veteran families are alloted a month a year to place the Veteran in respid care so you or your family can recharge your batteries.
You should consider joining a support group too. Keeping your pain inside will eat away at you, and you will be the one who is sick. This is not good for your husband or you.
Always keep in good communications with your husband, and let him know how you feel. This is common sense for just being married, let alone married to a Veteran. he needs to do his part in keeping you two together and try to live as happy of a life as possible.
This next suggestion is going to come from left field. You and your husband should consider visiting Vietnam. I know many Veteran, including my Dad, who visited Vietnam recently and come back much better from the experience. It is something that I cannot accurately describe, because I'm not a Vietnam Veteran. It seems to bring closure to just about every Vietnam Veteran that I have talked to who had done this.
My Dad had problems sleeping at night for as long as I can remember. He seems to be more at ease and much more open about his experience in Vietnam since he went there earlier this year.
Feel free to contact me if you have further questions.
You have 25 years of experience and if you want to continue living with him, I encourage you to convince him to seek help outside of the Veterans Administration.
There are many extremely talented mental health professionals who have developed programs designed to address the issues related to PTSD.
Your mental health will benefit once he starts to get better. He won't get better if he continues with the VA.
Love does not mean happiness only. In sickness and in health. For better and for worse. You might not be able to be at his side. But you can care from a distance since you need the space to breathe and to obtain enough strength for him.
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