Attachment issues-any sensible advice or experiences?
I feel i have some real attachment issues. i see a counsellor my doctor etc for depression amongst other issues. But i feel i have real problems with making sensible bonds with people. I am not sure if its related to being hurt by someone i trusted in the past...but i fear getting attached to people but if someone shows me kindness or even just listens to me and tries to be understanding i get very attached and think they care for me, when really they don't or in the case of the doctor/counsellor, it's just their profession, they don't really care and then when i realise this i get really hurt and feel rejected.
I keep beating myself up about this because i hate the fact i do it and keep feeling so hurt and alone...anyone any advice or experienced this? i have briefly discussed it with my counsellor but i always feel i sound pathetic and usually it ends up making people back away as they dont want me to be attached to them...its an evil circle!!
only sensible answers please
Answer:
You are in a tough predicament, as it sounds like you have been tremendously hurt by someone in your past. Please remember that not everyone is out to hurt you. Getting counselling is an excellent idea, and although frustratingly slow at times, stick with it as it will help.
Some ideas to think about:
Don't be afraid to let people see the real you. Love yourself and others will love you too. Be cautious about giving all of yourself to someone, but there is a special someone (intimate partner) somewhere out there for you. Don't close yourself off to finding them. Just remember that a close, intimate relationship with anyone takes time and does not happen overnight. You are not pathetic, and stop thinking that you are. It is not wrong to crave love , acceptance and attention from others. Just go about getting that attention in the right manner. Don't look for loving attention from any professional relationship (MD, counsellor, etc.).
Good luck and I wish good times in your life ahead for you!
Ah Sh you are asking the question of the century. I believe the answer I gave earlier is relevant here. Surely the answer to your question is "CONTEXT". What is the context of your realtionships? If they are loving, caring ones you give with all your might. If they are fleeting ones perhaps of a business nature then you limit your vulnerability. When you find the right one you give like you never have before.
firstly may i say i can understand what your issues are personally i think that you may have trusted someone in the past and got hurt some way this makes you feel like if you trust someone they are going to hurt you on someway so as a defence you try not to get to close to anyone
but you also feel close to anyone that will listen to you and show you kindness but unconsciously you start to think that you are going to be rejected and hurt again like you say is a vicious circle
counsellors and doctors (for me anyway) are doing there job and cannot really get to understand your personal feelings
and so you then feel alone and back to square 1
i think you need a close personal friend who will listen and to you with a open mind and let you talk to them bit by bit how you feel
and slowly build up confidence in that person over time and when you fell that your ready and not before tell them what your feeling before this time you will know weather you can trust the person you feel most conferable with
i wish you all the best and hope you find the person you need
I know what your going through. Its just a matter of finding your own answers on why you feel you do certain things. Your not alone its up to you to break the circle alittle bit at a time. Have courage in yourself your doing a great job.
The answers post by the user, for information only, FunQA.com does not guarantee the right.
More Questions and Answers: