Can I edit this to be better? can someone help in one sentences for a thesis ?
Answer:
"All children experience different stages of grief after the death of a loved one (citation). One of the major factors that influence the child's behavioral reactions is the age and maturity level of the child (citation), therefore one must wait to help the child grieve the loss when the child is ready."
I hope that sounds better. I put in "citation"s because you are making some definitive statements that truly need to be backed up. You are trying to say too many things for one sentence, and I am not sure the first part/sentence is necessary for what you are trying to say, although it is hard with just one sentence to work with.
keep it simple... remember, a thesis should be more like a headline...
Hope this works for you.
"The age and maturity of a child may determine their behavior during the grieving process."
Develop idea/elaborate later in subsequent paragraphs.
EDIT: The proposed thesis implies that there are 'stages' of grief, in general. It implies that there are positive/negative behaviors associated w/ the 'stages' (may be developed in subsequent paragraphs). It implies that there are ways to assist the child based on their age and maturity. (may be developed in subsequent paragraphs)
Again, keep it simple.the thesis should capture the reader's interest w/o being overwhelming...making him/her want to read the paragraphs that follows.
i would get rid of although and have it read like this:
All children are prone to experience different stages of grief after death. A child's unstable behavior after a death is most dependent on age and maturity, and therefore should be helped to grieve when ready.
Also make sure that these are your last two sentences in the your introduction paragraph. Your thesis should be stating the main point of your paper, the idea you would like to stress most.
am not sure that the word of stages is correct....there are certain stages in the process of healing all of which will be felt at one point or another...
anyways to answer your question :
Although all children experience grief to different depths after the death of a loved one, the level of any unstable behavior would be most dependent upon both age and the individuals maturity and therefore age appropriate help should be given when the child is ready.
NO commas before the word "and"...
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