Must a woman love her child?
I asked her how these happened, she said "I don't know, no reason, I'm just tired of them"
She said she's still pretending love her son, takes him to the kindergarden everyday, never abused him..but she doesn't know how long she can pretend any more.maybe one day she just packs up and takes off, never comes back.
What's your suggestion?
Answer:
Every child deserves to be loved, but I seriously suspect that a much smaller percentage than we imagine really ARE. I was not loved or wanted by my parents, neither was my late husband nor my present boyfriend. Their stories of childhood neglect and abuse are so similar that I was amazed! Both had apathetic, uncaring mothers. My late husband's main childhood nemesis was an abusive older brother (he never knew his father) and my boyfriend's was his father. (In my own case, my father was apathetic and uncaring and the mean, scary one was my mother.)
When my own daughter (who, like my mother, does NOT have the personality to be a loving, caring mother) gave her two sons up for adoption, a lot of people condemned her for not keeping them and trying to raise them. But whenever her guilt feelings arise, I try to reassure her that she did the right thing. I remind her of the dismal nature of my own childhood and reaffirm the fact that she saved her own children from a similar fate.
Your friend cannot keep up her pretense forever. She is only making herself miserable by trying, and that misery WILL surface in other areas of her life. Sooner or later the pretense WILL break down completely. Then it will be THREE miserable lives, not just one. While she is hurting herself by trying to live a lie, she is hurting them, too - they just don't know it yet, but it is a truth that CANNOT be hidden indefinitely!
Better she comes clean NOW - BEFORE any more water flows under that bridge and the unwanted relationship is cemented any tighter by the passage of more time. The younger we are when the wounds occur, the better the chance of their healing, and the smaller the scars they will leave.
Better a few weeks or months of pain now than ongoing decades of corroding misery for all concerned. All parties concerned will be free to find love - for real - once these bonds that are devoid of love have been dissolved. (Whether they go on to find genuinely loving relationships and better situations in life is going to be up to them, but at least the opportunity to do so will exist where it doesn't now.)
I wonder, every day of my life (and i am 62 years old now), what this life could have been like if my own mother had not tried to fulfill the unwanted obligations of motherhood, but had given me to someone who really wanted a child, instead.
It feels like your friend is depressed and needs professional help. maybe your friend is bored or tired or whatever with life and needs a jumpstart. maybe she views them as "the ball and chain", instead of having a more positive outlook on things.
I think it would be important for her to get some help or to at least get out and find what it is that makes her happy, so she can bring that home to her family.
It sounds like she's seriously depressed and she really needs some help fast..I suggest you talk to her and try to convince her to get some help..
There is no accounting for how a person feels about anyone else. It is just sad that things are the way they are.
With that said, her son is her son for life. She brought him into this world, and now he is her responsibility untill he grows into adulthood. Do what she may about her husband, but it is her responsibility to raise that child right. That is the one thing she does not get to ditch. She doesn't have to love him, but she has to treat him as though she does.
Unfortunately, no. It is not necessary for a woman to love her child. While it is most common that they do, some women just do not. Rather it is just her own child, or all children in general. Not all women do. It doesn't mean shes depressed, or that something is wrong with her. She just simply doesn't.
that's a tough question. she needs to look past the fact that her son looks like someone she hates. i had a similar problem, but i never disliked my son, ever. i hated the fact that he looked like his father, whom i hate, but i got over that. you can't help who your children look like, you just have to remember that they are also part of you.
I grew up in a female dominated house,my father left when i was very young and i had my mother and two older sisters. My mother didn't hide the fact that she did not love me and in fact took every opportunity to tell me what a piece of **** i was and really i was treated as a slave by them all. i feel sorry for this boy as i have so many problems that i feel i will never get over them all despite therapy and help. She should leave it would be better for him then to stay and her son will grow up as i did without any self worth and hating myself. The thing is that he will try hard to win her love once he knows but will never be able to please her and he will see himself forever as ugly as i do also because his mother see's him that way. He may eventually try to kill himself and he may suceed. Please tell your friend to just go and leave them if she cares at all about them because pretending to love doesn't work.
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