How do I deal with my father??

I'm having a major issue in my life at the moment. I am in my late twenties and have not seen my mother for 7 years. I have a good relationship with my father. The reason I have not and do not wish to see her is because she abused me very very badly as a child. Although, they are divorced, my father still has a friendship with my mother..basically he is blind to what she did to me as a child and feels guilty because he was never there ..always at work..when they were married..a reason she says is behind why she has lots of affairs. The problem is my father keeps trying to force me to have a relationship and get in contact with her. I have told him that I do not wish to have contact with my this woman who abused me throughout my childhood. However, he refuses to listen. All I want to do is move on with my life and by always bringing it up, I remember all the times she abused me and I cry, get depressed and so on. All I want is for him to stop mentioning it, so I can move on…but he won't. As a last resort, I am considering cutting ties with my father..although I don't really want to. My fiance is going to have a man-to-man talk to my father and ask him to stop doing this. But my father has promised many times before and won't let me. If he doesn't stop, I'm going to end up manically depressed..I just wished he'd leave me alone. How can I make him understand? Is distancing him from me, my only option? (P.S.,..please don't recommend counselling, nor confronting my mother..)

Answer:
I know what you mean. It sounds like you're doing the right things by trying to communicate to your father about your feelings and wishes. If he isn't listening, and you've tried to be direct with him, you have to decide if you want to fold to his wishes or do what makes you feel comfortable.

If you really don't want anything to do with your mother, and your father isn't listening, you may have to leave. It sounds like he wants to ignore your feelings in order to patch things up. I agree with you that that isn't appropriate.

The bottom line is, you have the right to your feelings and your choice. You don't answer to either one of your parents. If they refuse to accept your choice as yours and try to guilt trip you or emotionally blackmail you, it's time to go. Respect goes all ways, and you have a right to choose what's best for you. Be strong.

I have a similar problem with my mother and the rest of my family. I love my mother, but want nothing to do with the rest of them. Just today I finally told her that if she doesn't respect my wishes, and keeps trying to force me into something I do not want to do, then she would be on the list with them.

She has given up, and come to the realization that I will not ever have a relationship with them. Ever. They are no longer my family. The only family I have is my Mother, and my Fiances family.

I suspect it is your mother who is asking for you via you father - you are going to have to tell him firmly that you have not come to terms with the abuse - tell him maybe in time you will - do not give a time frame - tell him he will lose you if he carries on with this.
I think he is just trying to please your mother
I know it is difficult - but stand firm - do not allow your mother to ruin your relationships.
My partner has not talked to his parents for over 20 years - they a quite old now - but they hurt him really bad emotionally - I am just there to help and support him on any issues he has

I think you should just sit down with your father and explain how you feel about the situation. Let him know about your feelings towards having a relationship with your mom. I think that's the best thing to do, just sit down and talk it over. I don't know about your mom, but perhaps you could patch up the problems you had with her. People change, I don't know about your mom, but people change over time. I say just try giving your mom a chance. If that doesn't work out I say see a psychiatrist. Running away from problems doens't make it any better, you have to resolve them. So good luck!

I suggest you print this page out and hand it to him. If he doesn't get the message then he will never get it. That you are SERIOUS.

yes ,your father is right.remember your mother ,she took you inside her for good nine months.she gave birth of you. as a lady you are now whose plan to get married sooner or later put your self in there shoes an see which answer will be the best in your personal thinking.remember you can change your fiance but parent,'NEVER EVER BEEN CHANGE 'just be patience please ,take the situetion simple and special, try as you can to settle the problem between your parent.

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How do I deal with my father??

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