Can someone please tell me more about emotional abuse?
My bf and I live together and are planning a wedding for next fall.
When we moved in, everything was great. Now, its like Im walking on glass constantly.
im never sure if what I say or do will anger him or upset him.
Example: I get up two hours before he does every day for work and since weve lived here, I always kiss his forhead and say ' love you' before going to work. He once told me 'i love when you kiss me in the morning"
Today I hae an email saying "I have a headache and I blame you. You waking me up every morning really pisses me off and thats why im so pissed when I get home" bla bla bla.
So when something like this happens and I cry, or confront him with anger, he starts crying and saying how sorry he is and how much he loves me. Or making me feel like IM the crazy one by being upset at the situation.
I know he loves me, but WTF? Why would someone lash out so harshly so often? Its about 4 times a week where we have a problem like this. Im 24, hes 27 btw.
Answer:
That does sound abusive, but perhaps he is not very good at communicating something that really does bother him. I would suggest you both get into couples counseling BEFORE getting married. Try to work some of this stuff out. Things like this don't magically resolve themselves after the wedding.
he sounds like he has emotional problems. you are only 24 - why get married so young? i dated a guy like that for 5 years and i finally dumped him and my life is so much better - i am free! love should not be that hard!
age is not much of a factor here. somthing has changed in him and you may be in danger. What happens if this trend continues for 2-3 years. One less severe possibility is his sense of humor has just been thrown out of whack.
Why are you asking me? I'm 27 and can't get a woman to look at me, let alone start a wedding engagement.
I have the same problem i went to google and looked up emotional abuse and it gives you signs of what to look for.
You need to get away from this situation right away. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but those are the exact things abusive men start out doing. Blaming you for everything and apologizing for hurting you later. This man will only continue to hurt you and why do you think you deserve that? Because you can't find anyone else? No one else will love you? Please. He's one in a billion. Find a man who will love you, not treat you like crap.
And if you think marriage will help this, you're way off. This is a dangerous situation and it will only get worse. You need to get out now before something terrible happens. If he really loved and cared about you he wouldn't do this to you. You love him right? Would you do this to him? See the correlation? Seriously, get out while you still can. And don't make kids with this guy.
your bf may have unresolved issues and if you marry him ,those issues will not go away , don't say you weren't warned.
Girl get out FAST. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for the latter part of nine years (i'm 35). One of my life's regrets is not leaving him earlier. Being constantly knocked by the one you love and claims to love you is destructive. When in a relationship like that you forget that there are lovely people out there who will love and respect you as you deserve to be. He probably does love you but in his own very distorted, twisted way. And that is simply not good enough. The whole point of a relationship is to be loved and to grow together. Your partner is not at all bothered about your happiness. No decent person deserves that treatment. Starting afresh is never easy but if you want to find happiness it is the only option. Respect yourself and hang around people who value your company. Best of luck.
Well you just explained emotional abuse! You shouldn't be planning a wedding. He needs to get help dealing with his issues. These men do tend to make their "partner" feel crazy and like they do everything wrong. That is usually because thats how they feel about themselves and it's easier to blame someone else than yourself. You are in this relationship because you are a kind hearted forgiving person. This situation will not change until he gets help.
You also might want to check yourself if you start finding that everyone you are attracted to from now on is like this person. Hopefully that won't happen.
The issue does need addressing NOW or it will not stop. Good luck and i hope you find someone who deserves your love.
He is insecure - walk away and don't look back.
Stay with the guy and you'll end up an emotional mess.
More Questions and Answers:
Four Psychology questions im stuck on please help?
How many of you have BDD? Would you mind answering some questions?
What type of person would like to date me?
Whatdoescommitalmean?
How do you rehearse images to transfer it to long term memory?
Can you explain me about a person to be/finding en-lighted to her/him self?
What does it mean when you drown in your dream?
What Would You Do? (Ladies preferred, but guys are fine to)?
What are some easy ways to keep the mind sharp as we get older?
Man I'm happy to be out of school but yet sad?
When we moved in, everything was great. Now, its like Im walking on glass constantly.
im never sure if what I say or do will anger him or upset him.
Example: I get up two hours before he does every day for work and since weve lived here, I always kiss his forhead and say ' love you' before going to work. He once told me 'i love when you kiss me in the morning"
Today I hae an email saying "I have a headache and I blame you. You waking me up every morning really pisses me off and thats why im so pissed when I get home" bla bla bla.
So when something like this happens and I cry, or confront him with anger, he starts crying and saying how sorry he is and how much he loves me. Or making me feel like IM the crazy one by being upset at the situation.
I know he loves me, but WTF? Why would someone lash out so harshly so often? Its about 4 times a week where we have a problem like this. Im 24, hes 27 btw.
Answer:
That does sound abusive, but perhaps he is not very good at communicating something that really does bother him. I would suggest you both get into couples counseling BEFORE getting married. Try to work some of this stuff out. Things like this don't magically resolve themselves after the wedding.
he sounds like he has emotional problems. you are only 24 - why get married so young? i dated a guy like that for 5 years and i finally dumped him and my life is so much better - i am free! love should not be that hard!
age is not much of a factor here. somthing has changed in him and you may be in danger. What happens if this trend continues for 2-3 years. One less severe possibility is his sense of humor has just been thrown out of whack.
Why are you asking me? I'm 27 and can't get a woman to look at me, let alone start a wedding engagement.
I have the same problem i went to google and looked up emotional abuse and it gives you signs of what to look for.
You need to get away from this situation right away. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but those are the exact things abusive men start out doing. Blaming you for everything and apologizing for hurting you later. This man will only continue to hurt you and why do you think you deserve that? Because you can't find anyone else? No one else will love you? Please. He's one in a billion. Find a man who will love you, not treat you like crap.
And if you think marriage will help this, you're way off. This is a dangerous situation and it will only get worse. You need to get out now before something terrible happens. If he really loved and cared about you he wouldn't do this to you. You love him right? Would you do this to him? See the correlation? Seriously, get out while you still can. And don't make kids with this guy.
your bf may have unresolved issues and if you marry him ,those issues will not go away , don't say you weren't warned.
Girl get out FAST. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for the latter part of nine years (i'm 35). One of my life's regrets is not leaving him earlier. Being constantly knocked by the one you love and claims to love you is destructive. When in a relationship like that you forget that there are lovely people out there who will love and respect you as you deserve to be. He probably does love you but in his own very distorted, twisted way. And that is simply not good enough. The whole point of a relationship is to be loved and to grow together. Your partner is not at all bothered about your happiness. No decent person deserves that treatment. Starting afresh is never easy but if you want to find happiness it is the only option. Respect yourself and hang around people who value your company. Best of luck.
Well you just explained emotional abuse! You shouldn't be planning a wedding. He needs to get help dealing with his issues. These men do tend to make their "partner" feel crazy and like they do everything wrong. That is usually because thats how they feel about themselves and it's easier to blame someone else than yourself. You are in this relationship because you are a kind hearted forgiving person. This situation will not change until he gets help.
You also might want to check yourself if you start finding that everyone you are attracted to from now on is like this person. Hopefully that won't happen.
The issue does need addressing NOW or it will not stop. Good luck and i hope you find someone who deserves your love.
He is insecure - walk away and don't look back.
Stay with the guy and you'll end up an emotional mess.
The answers post by the user, for information only, FunQA.com does not guarantee the right.
More Questions and Answers: