Dealing with depression. Boyfriend doesn't understand. How can I get him to understand?
Answer:
Hi, sorry to hear you are feeling bad. It sounds to me like your boyfriend understands plenty - someone who hasn't experienced depression or anxiety can't truly know what it feels like, but it certainly seems that he is cares for you and that's what matters.
Believe it or not, you're in complete control of whether or not you have a panic attack - recognising that is the first step to overcoming it. The following steps will eliminate (or at least significantly reduce) your panic attacks:
1.Breathe properly - if you control your breathing, you control panic. As soon as you notice the signs of anxiety, check your breathing: breathe in slowly through your nose pushing your tummy out (to the count of 5 or so). Breathe out slowly and for a bit longer (to the count of 7 or so) through your mouth. Do not breathe rapidly or shallowly (in the chest area). This will soon restore the balance of oxygen and you will feel a lot better.
2. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy! CBT is proven to be the most effective thing for panic attacks. It takes a bit of work, but it is super effective. (After 15 years of panic attacks, mine stopped completely). You can take a course for free online at: http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/... It has been funded by NHS Scotland and has had great results thus far.
3. Try relaxation exercise tapes (progressive muscular relaxation). They really help if you practise often enough. This site has instructions on how to do it without the tapes (and other useful info): http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resource...
With each step practise makes perfect. (ie. do these steps every day, not just when you are feeling bad). I hope you feel better soon. Best of luck!
write it down for him in words. Or describe it to him like a storm or what not. So that he can understand that you are not chosing this but also are not ignoring it. You are pushing through, will not give up and appreciate him being there and being supportive.
Stop trying to fight his attempt to make you feel better. If you want him to truly understand it better, have him go to the psychiatrist with you. if you are truly depressed and facing anxiety attacks, a doctor can help you deal with these very real problems. maybe if he goes along (and he sounds like the kind of guy who would care enough to do just that), he'll understand that it isn't necessarily temporary. But it truly sounds like he is trying his best to be some comfort to you...
First of all, are you seeking professional help for the depression, the anxiety? If not I hope you will do that first. If you are, and you have a therapist that you are confident with, maybe you could ask her/him if your boyfriend can come to a session and to get him to understand through a professional viewpoint? If he can understand through a session the stuff below might not be a problem.
Secondly it's hard for some folks to deal with emotional needs or difficulties - its easy to say "its just temporary" and it is probably a form of denial for him.
Additionally you should probably know that he is not as supportive as he could be and it might be harmful to be relying on him for support if he is not able to give that.
Whatever the case may be, good luck - and I hope you feel better soon.
try going to the NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) web site, it is geared up to educate and help families of the mentally ill (depression counts, never mind the label): also if you are in a city there should be a local chapter you can contact for support .
Good luck and take care of yourself.
BTW if he is the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps type" and can't change, find yourself a new boyfriend, you don't need someone trying to tell you it's your fault on top of everything else.
do something major that will get his attention and make him realise!
bu thats not fair on u
a guy shud knw how ur feeling..
this guy is obviously a bit unaware
perhaps screm ver loydly one day or get away for a while
gud luck
perhaps he sez it will pass soon to reassure u
inform him about wat he can do...wen u do feel depressed
clear communication is the key to a healthy relationship
Your boyfriend is right. It is just temporary. However, what he fails to notice here is the heart of the problem, and that is that it doesn't FEEL like it is just temporary. For people who have not dealt with depression and/or anxiety attacks themselves, it can be very difficult for them to understand the gravity of the immediacy of the situation. Depression is something I know quite a bit about from personal experience, and panic attacks are a part of my personal history as I've developed a large repertoire of coping strategies to deal with situations that I know have, in the past, caused me to panic. In my case, my triggers are fairly obvious to me. If you know what your specific triggers are, maybe you could start by explaining those to your boyfriend, and then if you can (and if he is able to listen) explain why these cause such thoughts or feelings or actions for yourself. What are you anxious about? What makes you depressed? What he can help you out with might be whether or not these are legitimate problems worthy of being anxious and depressed or whether these are the perverbial mole hills instead of the mountain. If they are legitimate problems, maybe he can help you devise a strategy so that you will be better equipped to deal with similar situations in the future.
I hope it works out for you, and I wish you the best of luck.
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