When should it end?
And why won't anyone listen to me, even when I can't say what I need to? I need help, and they just sit back and laugh? It's my fault, I'm too scared to share myself entirely with them and to tell them what I feel. When should it end?
Answer:
hey it doesnt have to end.. you control your life .. your destiny .. you can either sit back and let the world run over you or stand up and shout what you want out of life .. if you are miserable then do something about it .. start by thinking hwhat you want to do it may come to you by doing something as simple as taking a walk in the forest or take a vacation .. figure out where and what u want .. maybe its just a move to a new town or a new job .. maybe even just a haircut ..but whatever it is u have control ..
Well, you've made the first step. Many people don't.
Fighting life is useless. You're supposed to enjoy it.
I can tell you why the bible doesn't make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But, not here. Message me if you have the time to listen. No, I'm not anti-religion or pro some other religion. Just open to all possibilities.
Your in a tough situation!!But, u might want to try talking to someone older than you that knows nothing about u- trust me, the more that stranger will ask the more you will discover about your self untill oneday, you will realize why your feeling the way your feeling. Just make sure that stranger doesnt know your parents, and that the strager is some one safe that you can trust.
I wish you the best!!good luck!!
I think B Dorian is right and you need someone to listen and support you with getting in touch with your feelings and what to do about them. Seems as though someone is going to have to listen "between the lines" because you're saying "they won't listen (to you), even when you can't say what you need to". If you can't say it, someone is going to have to listen hard for clues.
Lots of us care and you just have to reach out, we're here.
Interesting post, I'll have to look at it one section at a time. There is one coherent theme here, but you've chosen to bring in several aspects of your life to express it.
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1)It feels like fighting life is useless, and that everything just happens, and no one cares.
-- - Its all about perspective and how you look at it. Looking at it one way makes it seem like an exercise in futility, the other way makes you feel like you've contributed something. Later you mention 'listen'ing and 'help'ing, but . . . no one cares. Well, you cared. Someone felt that care. Perhaps they didn't melt down on the spot and seemingly benefit from it right there on the spot, but truly, you contributed to them and their experience in life. And it was positive. As for me, I carry around a bit of extra food. Living in an urban area, I see lots of homeless folks (or seemingly so). I'll give that food to them. They are passed by thousands of folks a day who don't even acknoledge their existence, just walking past them. Others are almost alergic to them (keep at least 5 feet distance . . .) These homeless folks (some are not homeless) are often out there for a reason. Booze, drugs, no one will have them in their house due to some vile bad habit.
I'm not going to convert them. These folks are seriously lost and, maybe they will, maybe they will not work their way out of it in this life time. I wouldn't even invite some of these folks in to MY own home. What am I doing then? I'm offering these folks a lifeline (whether they are homeless or not). The lifeline is NOT the food. Its the one guy who walks past them, among a crowd of thousands who don't acknowledge him/her. One guy throws a glance at them. One person did an action for THEM. A VERY simple action. Almost no energy expended on my part, VERY VERY little money. Well, I could go on, but I have to move on to the next area. I hope you get my point. YOU listened. You contributed to a moment where someone cared for them, reguardless as to how it was taken, they have it.
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Why, even when I go to church on sunday and try to pray and read my bible to I feel empty? Why don't I feel warm and happy, like my relitives do?
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Well, this would require a sit down discussion with all parties involved, to see what the true source of these feelings are (both your 'empty' and your relatives 'happy'.
That 'empty' can be a good thing(there really is an empty spot), or a bad thing (you are full).
I'm Catholic, by the way, so that contributes to some of my answers here. A theme in the Bible among many is that we shouldn't get TOO worldly. We are of the world (our bodies), but thats not all there is. The 'empty' that you feel could be that you've saved a spot in your soul for God. This is a good thing. Perhaps you do not partake of all the pleasures this world has to offer. You could, but you intentionally don't as you know that TOO MUCH of things of this world is not good. Save that last spot for got. The other empty is that, well you DO partake in as much pleasure of this world as you can, and you are actually FULL. BUT, the fullness you feel leaves a hollow feeling, because the pleasures you partook of are not REALLY what you were looking for. You've stuffed yourself with the worldly things and it didn't satiate your hollowed out feelings. Did you know that your body, when it has needs for certain things (minerals, vitimins . . .) can often crave for the foods that contain these things. Need Calcium? Boy I'd love a milk (or chocolate milk . . .). People don't notice it that much now-a-days, as our diets are full of what we need, for the most part. Anyhow, if your body is looking for calcium, but y ou grabbed that liter bottle of Pepsi Cola, your stomach will be full, but somethings missing. You didn't satiate that need for calcium. Likewise, your soul knows deep inside it has a need for God. If you fill it up with Rock-n-Roll, too much TV, XBOX, technogadgets . . . you will feel full, but not of what it was your soul was calling for. So, this will be the 'bad' full. BUT, don't loose hope, if this is the case, you still have that empty feeling. 99 percent of the people have lived such a life that they are totally unaware of the 'empty' that you may be feeling. So, in a sense, either way, that empty is good. You are ALIVE. As for the relatives, they should question themselves as to why they are happy. Perhaps they too have the 'empty' feeling and have come to recognize it as it is (don't bother tryign to explain this to them, and ask them, as, though they may 'recognize it' on one level, they may not know it on the surface, intellectual level that we all use for interraction with each other. (brings me to next section)
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I'll try to handle the whole last paragraph all at once:
And why won't anyone listen to me, even when I can't say what I need to? I need help, and they just sit back and laugh? It's my fault, I'm too scared to share myself entirely with them and to tell them what I feel. When should it end?
Well, lets see. Right here, in this forum, you seem to bare your soul to the world quite well. Better than most.
First off, 'saying what you need to' is sort of tough. ESPECIALLY if its interactive. If you are talking to a person interactively, and you want to say something deep, something, that written down, would take up a page of paper, its never going to work. By time you get out the words of the first sentence, your friend, your relative . . . has it all figured out and starts giving feed back. And you react to that. After a 15 minutes, you've gone no where near where you were hoping to go with your conversation. Ah, the human condition. Thats life. The other proble is the written forum. Something like this (or just a piece of paper). Nice idea to spit it all out without having your thoughts derailed. BUT, you write it down and the reader takes it the wrong way from sentence 1. There's no perfect way. A patient friend is what you need (we all need). You mention that 'I'm too scared to share myself entirely with them and to tell them what I feel.' Thats called conditioning. I am the last of 10 kids (now about 39 years old). Let me help you out. THEY'RE SCARED TOO!
I'm Scared too. If I were sitting next to you on the bus, be you stranger or friend you have to have spent some serious time before I start interracting with you like this. People don't like to expose their soft mushie sensative side. Especially guys (I happen to be one of them). This anonymous forum makes it easy. But wouldn't it be better for us if we could have those moments where we could discuss such things, and no one take advantage of it to a) make fun of you b) take it the wrong way and think you are criticising them and they start attacking you . . . all the general misunderstandings we all experience. Well, we've all experienced it, and thats where the 'scared' comes from, and we all experienced it over the years and thats why i say its 'conditioning'. It'd almost seem foolish to bare your soul only to be made fun of, or whatever. Well, I've written enough. I'll be surprised if you ahve the time to make it all the way down here. If you do, then (waving) goodbye. KEEP GOING TO CHURCH. If you need help on the Church/God/Jesus thing, I can always help. I know a lot (then in a few years, I change my vantage point and it seems like I have different attitudes again, go figure ;-).
Good luck, you're doing great.
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