What do I do?
I guess I'm too self-involved. But it's not like I mean to be and I have no idea why I am? I am seeing a psychologist. (Just started) I also have a low self-esteem and a myriad of other things that are connected to that, I'm sure. What I'd like to know is..other than why am I so self-involved. Why is it that I think I'm so darn selfish yet everyone realistically is? And when I'm having a conversation with a certain person at times what they're saying is boring to me. Do I come out and say that it's boring or sit there and listen and learn something? Is it possible to act interested when you aren't? Yes, my social skills are lacking very much so. I mean I don't have to like everything everyone else likes, obviously, so if I'm uninterested I'm just not really sure what to do. If I did say I find what they're saying "boring" or change the subject I'll feel like I've made them feel bad.
Answer:
Everyone is 'self involved' is a sense because all individuals are in there own heads rather than having a full awareness of what other people are thinking. This means that a person is always in a constant dialogue with themselves- sometimes revealing what they think and feel to others, and sometimes keeping that private. This is what consciousness is- awarness of the self. There is a difference between this sort of 'self involvement' and just being plain old selfish. A selfish person will tell another person that they are boring even if it will hurt the other person. Depending on the circumstance and the nature of what is being said, this could be a selfish act because the other person may have been talking to you with sincerity. So while in the short term you have stopped the 'boring' conversation, in the long term you may have hurt the other persons feelings and yes, you may miss out on learning something. Sometimes its better to be patient and give people time to talk. It is also easier to listen if you can become involved in the conversation by making comments and asking questions now and then. If you want the conversation to continue, you should do this to appear interested. You van also encourage conversation by nodding your head and keeping eye contact now and then. If the conversation is truely dull, then one way to end it quicker without being too impolite is to never make any comment, don't ask any questions and to nod a little less than normal. This will make most people change what they are talking about, or they may ask you a question. It is important not to stop nodding entirely and to keep at least a little eye contact else you will look rude. However, if the person just keeps yabbering away about something unimportant and boring without bothering to read your signals, you may need to make and excuse like ''oh god! look at the time. I've got to go I'm late for an appointment...bye." Changing the subject is also not a bad way as long as there is some connection to what they are talking about or what you are about to say will definately be interesting for the other person. So don't feel to bad about this last technique because at least you are still talking to them
Like attracts like. It could be that your friends have issues with self-absorbtion as well. You may find what they say boring but they could also feel the same way about you.because you're too much in a self-absorbed mind frame to notice their falsness.
The cure is to start being a friend to your own self and pay attention and appreciate yourself on a deeper level instead of a superficial one. As a result you will find it easier to appreciate the same good stuff in the people you interact with. On a different note, if you think you have so much to offer in the way of being an interesting person with lots of character, then why don't you go out and find people who are stimulating to talk to? Do you think you could confidently match their depth? If so what's stopping you?
The propose in life is finding who you are. The key is self awareness. My suggestion is go out and help others in need. Visit nursing homes or hospitals, be a volunteer or join charity groups. I would like to share my experience with you, I have done some volunteers job which made me feel good. By helping people, you not only can see how lucky you are now, but also feel you can achieve something or help someone. You are not suppose to save someone's life, but being there and listen is already helping those lonely hearts. Good luck my friend.
Try active listening, recall speakers feeling which show you are really listen to the person. Ask open questions by using what, where, when, why and how. Try to find some interests in the conversation even you are not interested in, but at least you are learning something new.
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Answer:
Everyone is 'self involved' is a sense because all individuals are in there own heads rather than having a full awareness of what other people are thinking. This means that a person is always in a constant dialogue with themselves- sometimes revealing what they think and feel to others, and sometimes keeping that private. This is what consciousness is- awarness of the self. There is a difference between this sort of 'self involvement' and just being plain old selfish. A selfish person will tell another person that they are boring even if it will hurt the other person. Depending on the circumstance and the nature of what is being said, this could be a selfish act because the other person may have been talking to you with sincerity. So while in the short term you have stopped the 'boring' conversation, in the long term you may have hurt the other persons feelings and yes, you may miss out on learning something. Sometimes its better to be patient and give people time to talk. It is also easier to listen if you can become involved in the conversation by making comments and asking questions now and then. If you want the conversation to continue, you should do this to appear interested. You van also encourage conversation by nodding your head and keeping eye contact now and then. If the conversation is truely dull, then one way to end it quicker without being too impolite is to never make any comment, don't ask any questions and to nod a little less than normal. This will make most people change what they are talking about, or they may ask you a question. It is important not to stop nodding entirely and to keep at least a little eye contact else you will look rude. However, if the person just keeps yabbering away about something unimportant and boring without bothering to read your signals, you may need to make and excuse like ''oh god! look at the time. I've got to go I'm late for an appointment...bye." Changing the subject is also not a bad way as long as there is some connection to what they are talking about or what you are about to say will definately be interesting for the other person. So don't feel to bad about this last technique because at least you are still talking to them
Like attracts like. It could be that your friends have issues with self-absorbtion as well. You may find what they say boring but they could also feel the same way about you.because you're too much in a self-absorbed mind frame to notice their falsness.
The cure is to start being a friend to your own self and pay attention and appreciate yourself on a deeper level instead of a superficial one. As a result you will find it easier to appreciate the same good stuff in the people you interact with. On a different note, if you think you have so much to offer in the way of being an interesting person with lots of character, then why don't you go out and find people who are stimulating to talk to? Do you think you could confidently match their depth? If so what's stopping you?
The propose in life is finding who you are. The key is self awareness. My suggestion is go out and help others in need. Visit nursing homes or hospitals, be a volunteer or join charity groups. I would like to share my experience with you, I have done some volunteers job which made me feel good. By helping people, you not only can see how lucky you are now, but also feel you can achieve something or help someone. You are not suppose to save someone's life, but being there and listen is already helping those lonely hearts. Good luck my friend.
Try active listening, recall speakers feeling which show you are really listen to the person. Ask open questions by using what, where, when, why and how. Try to find some interests in the conversation even you are not interested in, but at least you are learning something new.
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