How can you avoid online criticism when you ask a question?
For instance, you have a problem and you need some objective answers to the problem, so you either sign up with a online group where others supposedly have the same problems as you do or you ask the questions here, mainly because you want to feel that you're not alone and right or wrong, you need to feel validated. (a very human desire).
There is no fail that there will always be some self-righteous jerk who will contribute nothing positive and will end up making you feel worse than you do.
How do you avoid these jerks in the first place? What are the trigger words to avoid in asking these questions, so that the jerks don't feel compelled to answer?
Answer:
The simple truth, unfortunately, is that because (nearly) anyone can get online, sign up for discussion groups, and post answers to questions, there is no way to avoid it. I have some guidelines that I follow, to avoid the jerks.
1 Always read the FAQs.. Most online discussion boards have a Frequently Asked Questions area, especially those dealing with common problems. Reading through it a few times will help you avoid questions that will evoke a "Haha! n00b!"-type response.
2. Search the forum. Fortunately when you're seeking empathy, but unfortunately when you're seeking solutions, your problems probably aren't that unique. You found a message board dealing with them, chances are someone, at one point or another, has asked your question already. So, take a couple minutes to do a forum search on your question. You may find that someone with a similar problem has received an answer that works in your situation.
3. Answer questions before asking them. Helping others makes them more likely to help you, or at least make them more willing to come to your defense when you *do* get flamed.
4. Lurk. Hang around the outskrits of the group for a while before jumping in to the middle of things. This goes back to #2, as well; lurking and reading the discussions will help you get a better idea of what not to say. There's no universal set of words that say "flame me!"; so you have to learn what sets off the trolls in your particular groups..
Thats a stupid question!! But seriously, you can't get away from it. All you can do is to downvote the answers you don't like, maybe like this one? LOL.
Don't try to please everyone, just ask the question to target the people who really can answer.
There is really no way to avoid these types of people, however the only way is to weed out the answers. Just ignore the jerks and ones who really don't give you true answers to the question that you are wanting. Just stay positive and go on. wish you luck
I think any time you post personal stuff in an unmoderated forum, you run the risk of attracting jerks. It's kind of the nature of the internet. My only advice is to keep in mind that they are worse off than you are if they feel compelled to answer your question with negativity.
That being said, I think constructive criticism is part of the process as well. You may not always like the answer that is given, but it may open your mind to new ideas.
How can those jerks hurt you? You already know they're jerks, and so do all the other posters and readers. The only ones who don't know they're jerks are the jerks, themselves -- and they're just making it worse! Let 'em roll... over the cliff of ignominy!
(look it up.)
Either not asking the question at all or... well, just ignoring any answer you dont like ;-P
One of the things I try to get people to understand is that other people and things do not make you get upset. You let yourself get upset.
How you respond to things is controlled by you, it is not.
Remember that you have no idea who the people are on this site. They could be smart, good, bad, stupid. You have no way of knowing except by what they write, and even then you do not know if what they write reflects anything about them, or if it is a front.
So, since these are strangers who may be complete idiots, why would you care what they think? Why should their words cause you to suffer? They shouldn't.
If you start to read something and it looks like they are going to be rude or unhelpful, stop reading and go on to the next one.
Take control of your own feelings and do not let others control them for you. This is the only way to be truly happy.
Some folks are just bored and don't really give any thought to an answer but I think there are enough serious people here in answers that want to help .Just know there are some stupid ones that answer and let it go.
Well are you posting a question in search of a solution or validation?
Some people can give you a good answer in a very rude way. There are others that will just be a jerk, it is like that everywhere, not just the Internet. What you have to remember is to consider the source and content. If you want to make money ask someone who makes a lot of money, most people will take advice on money from another poor person. If you are looking to be validated there will be no shortage of victims that will provide their sob story. If you are looking for solutions you have to weed through the mediocre, consider the source and also look at the content of what they are saying.
Another thing, can someone make you feel worse?
Sincerely,
Ken Seavert
Are you looking for a serious answer or or validation of your mind set (pity party)? In a group I belong to there is a term for straight forward, totally honest answers and that is "Pulling your covers". Meaning to give an answer that does not validate your B.S. Are you seeking answers to "tickle your ears" or truthful "pulling your covers?
Otherwise you can expect only 50% of the answers to be genuine.
P.S. Did you see the term "Pity Party" in my answer? If you just want someone to "cosign" your bad feelings, or go along with, or cry with, then don't ask a serious question. Ask for sympathy.
Many, many times people don't want an answer. If the answer doesn't "fit" what you percieve the answer SHOULD be do you write it off as "criticism"? I see your "very human desire" as a need for someone to feel sorry for you.
Well, there is no sure fire way but try making your question more complex and use bigger words. It will offput most of the people who are not capable of giving you a helpful answer. Also, recognize that when a jerk posts, it is just that, they are jerks, and they often half read the question and give a thoughtless answer, and they don't even know you so don't take what they say to heart. Remember for every jerk out there you usually have 5 other people who totally disagree with that person. Don't dwell on the bad answers.
There are jerks everywhere you can't avoid them in life but you can on the net. On the net and in life there are people who pry on people who need help and make fun of them.
This is my outlook, don't get mad, upset, or let anyone hurt you online because they don't know, you don't know them, forget them. Don't let someone affect you who you'll never meet and who'll never meet you. If someone says something hurtful, ignore them! People say things online that they'll never say in person so ignore them.
Everyone online isn't here to be nice.
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There is no fail that there will always be some self-righteous jerk who will contribute nothing positive and will end up making you feel worse than you do.
How do you avoid these jerks in the first place? What are the trigger words to avoid in asking these questions, so that the jerks don't feel compelled to answer?
Answer:
The simple truth, unfortunately, is that because (nearly) anyone can get online, sign up for discussion groups, and post answers to questions, there is no way to avoid it. I have some guidelines that I follow, to avoid the jerks.
1 Always read the FAQs.. Most online discussion boards have a Frequently Asked Questions area, especially those dealing with common problems. Reading through it a few times will help you avoid questions that will evoke a "Haha! n00b!"-type response.
2. Search the forum. Fortunately when you're seeking empathy, but unfortunately when you're seeking solutions, your problems probably aren't that unique. You found a message board dealing with them, chances are someone, at one point or another, has asked your question already. So, take a couple minutes to do a forum search on your question. You may find that someone with a similar problem has received an answer that works in your situation.
3. Answer questions before asking them. Helping others makes them more likely to help you, or at least make them more willing to come to your defense when you *do* get flamed.
4. Lurk. Hang around the outskrits of the group for a while before jumping in to the middle of things. This goes back to #2, as well; lurking and reading the discussions will help you get a better idea of what not to say. There's no universal set of words that say "flame me!"; so you have to learn what sets off the trolls in your particular groups..
Thats a stupid question!! But seriously, you can't get away from it. All you can do is to downvote the answers you don't like, maybe like this one? LOL.
Don't try to please everyone, just ask the question to target the people who really can answer.
There is really no way to avoid these types of people, however the only way is to weed out the answers. Just ignore the jerks and ones who really don't give you true answers to the question that you are wanting. Just stay positive and go on. wish you luck
I think any time you post personal stuff in an unmoderated forum, you run the risk of attracting jerks. It's kind of the nature of the internet. My only advice is to keep in mind that they are worse off than you are if they feel compelled to answer your question with negativity.
That being said, I think constructive criticism is part of the process as well. You may not always like the answer that is given, but it may open your mind to new ideas.
How can those jerks hurt you? You already know they're jerks, and so do all the other posters and readers. The only ones who don't know they're jerks are the jerks, themselves -- and they're just making it worse! Let 'em roll... over the cliff of ignominy!
(look it up.)
Either not asking the question at all or... well, just ignoring any answer you dont like ;-P
One of the things I try to get people to understand is that other people and things do not make you get upset. You let yourself get upset.
How you respond to things is controlled by you, it is not.
Remember that you have no idea who the people are on this site. They could be smart, good, bad, stupid. You have no way of knowing except by what they write, and even then you do not know if what they write reflects anything about them, or if it is a front.
So, since these are strangers who may be complete idiots, why would you care what they think? Why should their words cause you to suffer? They shouldn't.
If you start to read something and it looks like they are going to be rude or unhelpful, stop reading and go on to the next one.
Take control of your own feelings and do not let others control them for you. This is the only way to be truly happy.
Some folks are just bored and don't really give any thought to an answer but I think there are enough serious people here in answers that want to help .Just know there are some stupid ones that answer and let it go.
Well are you posting a question in search of a solution or validation?
Some people can give you a good answer in a very rude way. There are others that will just be a jerk, it is like that everywhere, not just the Internet. What you have to remember is to consider the source and content. If you want to make money ask someone who makes a lot of money, most people will take advice on money from another poor person. If you are looking to be validated there will be no shortage of victims that will provide their sob story. If you are looking for solutions you have to weed through the mediocre, consider the source and also look at the content of what they are saying.
Another thing, can someone make you feel worse?
Sincerely,
Ken Seavert
Are you looking for a serious answer or or validation of your mind set (pity party)? In a group I belong to there is a term for straight forward, totally honest answers and that is "Pulling your covers". Meaning to give an answer that does not validate your B.S. Are you seeking answers to "tickle your ears" or truthful "pulling your covers?
Otherwise you can expect only 50% of the answers to be genuine.
P.S. Did you see the term "Pity Party" in my answer? If you just want someone to "cosign" your bad feelings, or go along with, or cry with, then don't ask a serious question. Ask for sympathy.
Many, many times people don't want an answer. If the answer doesn't "fit" what you percieve the answer SHOULD be do you write it off as "criticism"? I see your "very human desire" as a need for someone to feel sorry for you.
Well, there is no sure fire way but try making your question more complex and use bigger words. It will offput most of the people who are not capable of giving you a helpful answer. Also, recognize that when a jerk posts, it is just that, they are jerks, and they often half read the question and give a thoughtless answer, and they don't even know you so don't take what they say to heart. Remember for every jerk out there you usually have 5 other people who totally disagree with that person. Don't dwell on the bad answers.
There are jerks everywhere you can't avoid them in life but you can on the net. On the net and in life there are people who pry on people who need help and make fun of them.
This is my outlook, don't get mad, upset, or let anyone hurt you online because they don't know, you don't know them, forget them. Don't let someone affect you who you'll never meet and who'll never meet you. If someone says something hurtful, ignore them! People say things online that they'll never say in person so ignore them.
Everyone online isn't here to be nice.
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