Wife is always cleaning and is compulsive how can we stop her?
Me and my wife have 2 youg children. 3.5 and 13 weeks. My wife keeps a very clean house and we all suffer from it. When i say suffer I mean that if there is a dish on the table and not put in the dish washer due to distraction of having to feed the baby or keeping the 3.5 year old outta something she will get all bent outta shape and its game off for all of us. She will be in such a bad mood that she will get all huffy and puffy with her attitude.
The kids have got to have 2 baths per day because she always thinks that they are dirty. She will cancel plans that we might of had because we have to get laundry done. She must have all the dirty clothes washed and dryed everyday b4 she can sit down and relax.
Now after all that is done and its time for us to have some quality intimate time she is too tired and I get no love. And yes I do help her clean but it is not good enough. She will follow me and clean the same place i just did cuz it is not good enough. HELP
Answer:
It sounds like she is truly obsessive-compulsive. In her mind she probably knows her behavior is excessive, but she can't stop it. It is usually driven by an irrational fear that if, in her case, everything isn't clean enough, something terrible will happen. At this point, I don't think there is anything you can do that will help - she really needs to see a doctor for therapy and medication, as it is very likely her obsessive behavior will escalate and become worse if left untreated. Try to sit her down and talk to her about the problem, to see if she actually realizes it is a problem, if it bothers her that she can't relax because everything has to be clean. Some obsessive-compulsive people will already know they have a problem, but will be in denial or afraid to seek treatment. Others don't realize their behavior is not normal, and won't be able to see what the problem is-these are much harder to deal with, because it will be a lot harder to convince them to go to the doctor.
Talk to your wife. Try to see how she feels about the constant cleanliness, to see if she realizes there is a problem. Ask her what she thinks will happen if everything isn't inmaculate. Explain to her gently that this behavior, at this extreme, is not normal, that she needs help, but her condition can be treated and even cured, but she needs to see a doctor. Reassure her and let her know that everything will be fine and that you will be there for her, no matter what.
If she refuses to see a doctor or to even acknowledge that she has a problem, I would suggest asking for references to good psychologists in your area, and calling one of them up for advice on how to handle this situation.
I found some general information for you on the condition in Wikipedia.
I hope everything turns out well. Best of wishes to you and your family, and good luck!
sounds like she needs to get some counseling...its not the fact that she cleans a lot that causes a problem, its that it sounds like this is interfering with many things in both her and the family's life.usually when people are OCD its because they want to have control over something in their life...by your wife being able to control what the house and children are like she is able to feel more in control...does she have anxiety? Is this a recent thing or has it always been this way? Is she under more stress then usual? I would have both her and you see someone it would be helpful to both or you..good luck
Sounds like you have a hard working wife who likes to have a nice looking house. Does she treat everyone well? Does she put food on the table? Is everyone healthy? Dude...be happy. Unlike me, you have a wife who likes to live a clean, healthy lifestyle and wants the same for her family. If you want intimate time with your woman, I would suggest finding a sitter for the evening, taking her out to dinner and a movie to get her away from the house and her worries for a while, and that should help ease some stress off of her and also allow her more energy from all of that relaxation time to give you what you desire.
I'm as bad as her on someone else's cleaning not being good enough. If it's not good enough for her, have her to show you how she wants it done, PAY ATTENTION, and do it her way next time. I can almost guarantee results. If she's still not happy with it the next time you do it, have her to point out to you what's wrong. Try try again, until you get it right.
She is having a OCD, obsessive complusive disorder symdrome.
She needs to see a doctor. If you don't want to see a doctor or she refuses to, the only way to have her stay off this sort of problem is to distract her attention.
In other words, maybe she should be going out more to have that problem solved. But that will fix over time. You do not expect this will be fixed or she will healed in short period of time.
Take a vacation or something, make her leave the house work and perhaps hiring maid to do it for her. However those are short terms solution.
You've discribed my childhood. I know of the suffering your talking about. She would vaccum the carpet then turn around on her hands and knees picking invisible fuzzies from the floor. Now that I'm a grown woman I see how that compulsion made my mom suffer as well. We just thought mom was "crazy" and "needed to get a life". We had no idea that this was compulsive behavior and she needed help. Try to remember that, as hard as that can be, it's not personal, it's not that she doesn't love all of you, she just can't see what it's doing to your family, and that's the hardest part. If she can't see it, she can't change it. Try not to "fix" her, try to learn about compulsive behavior so you can understand what your dealing with. A book you might like to try for yourself : Boundaries by Drs.Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Hang in there
Did your wife have these behaviors before the last baby was born? She might have Post Pardon Depression and her way of dealing with that might come out in an OCD manner. If she doesn't want counseling have you talk to her medical doctor and see if he can help. Otherwise just try to talk with her and tell her how you feel. Don't use a lot of "you" statement tho, tell her how you feel with "I" statements, that way she wont feel like you are attacking her. Say something like "I feel like I need to help more but I don't know what will help so that you feel like you can enjoy life." Or something to that effect. Wish you the best!
She has to make this change herself - just be thankful you have a wife who is so clean. There are just so many slobs in this world. To find a 'cleaner' is rare.
My daugher-in-law was like that; I say once because it nearly drove my son and their three girls nuts until they went out and bought an indoor dog.
she needs to see a doctor.
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Why does my wife wake up screaming?
The kids have got to have 2 baths per day because she always thinks that they are dirty. She will cancel plans that we might of had because we have to get laundry done. She must have all the dirty clothes washed and dryed everyday b4 she can sit down and relax.
Now after all that is done and its time for us to have some quality intimate time she is too tired and I get no love. And yes I do help her clean but it is not good enough. She will follow me and clean the same place i just did cuz it is not good enough. HELP
Answer:
It sounds like she is truly obsessive-compulsive. In her mind she probably knows her behavior is excessive, but she can't stop it. It is usually driven by an irrational fear that if, in her case, everything isn't clean enough, something terrible will happen. At this point, I don't think there is anything you can do that will help - she really needs to see a doctor for therapy and medication, as it is very likely her obsessive behavior will escalate and become worse if left untreated. Try to sit her down and talk to her about the problem, to see if she actually realizes it is a problem, if it bothers her that she can't relax because everything has to be clean. Some obsessive-compulsive people will already know they have a problem, but will be in denial or afraid to seek treatment. Others don't realize their behavior is not normal, and won't be able to see what the problem is-these are much harder to deal with, because it will be a lot harder to convince them to go to the doctor.
Talk to your wife. Try to see how she feels about the constant cleanliness, to see if she realizes there is a problem. Ask her what she thinks will happen if everything isn't inmaculate. Explain to her gently that this behavior, at this extreme, is not normal, that she needs help, but her condition can be treated and even cured, but she needs to see a doctor. Reassure her and let her know that everything will be fine and that you will be there for her, no matter what.
If she refuses to see a doctor or to even acknowledge that she has a problem, I would suggest asking for references to good psychologists in your area, and calling one of them up for advice on how to handle this situation.
I found some general information for you on the condition in Wikipedia.
I hope everything turns out well. Best of wishes to you and your family, and good luck!
sounds like she needs to get some counseling...its not the fact that she cleans a lot that causes a problem, its that it sounds like this is interfering with many things in both her and the family's life.usually when people are OCD its because they want to have control over something in their life...by your wife being able to control what the house and children are like she is able to feel more in control...does she have anxiety? Is this a recent thing or has it always been this way? Is she under more stress then usual? I would have both her and you see someone it would be helpful to both or you..good luck
Sounds like you have a hard working wife who likes to have a nice looking house. Does she treat everyone well? Does she put food on the table? Is everyone healthy? Dude...be happy. Unlike me, you have a wife who likes to live a clean, healthy lifestyle and wants the same for her family. If you want intimate time with your woman, I would suggest finding a sitter for the evening, taking her out to dinner and a movie to get her away from the house and her worries for a while, and that should help ease some stress off of her and also allow her more energy from all of that relaxation time to give you what you desire.
I'm as bad as her on someone else's cleaning not being good enough. If it's not good enough for her, have her to show you how she wants it done, PAY ATTENTION, and do it her way next time. I can almost guarantee results. If she's still not happy with it the next time you do it, have her to point out to you what's wrong. Try try again, until you get it right.
She is having a OCD, obsessive complusive disorder symdrome.
She needs to see a doctor. If you don't want to see a doctor or she refuses to, the only way to have her stay off this sort of problem is to distract her attention.
In other words, maybe she should be going out more to have that problem solved. But that will fix over time. You do not expect this will be fixed or she will healed in short period of time.
Take a vacation or something, make her leave the house work and perhaps hiring maid to do it for her. However those are short terms solution.
You've discribed my childhood. I know of the suffering your talking about. She would vaccum the carpet then turn around on her hands and knees picking invisible fuzzies from the floor. Now that I'm a grown woman I see how that compulsion made my mom suffer as well. We just thought mom was "crazy" and "needed to get a life". We had no idea that this was compulsive behavior and she needed help. Try to remember that, as hard as that can be, it's not personal, it's not that she doesn't love all of you, she just can't see what it's doing to your family, and that's the hardest part. If she can't see it, she can't change it. Try not to "fix" her, try to learn about compulsive behavior so you can understand what your dealing with. A book you might like to try for yourself : Boundaries by Drs.Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Hang in there
Did your wife have these behaviors before the last baby was born? She might have Post Pardon Depression and her way of dealing with that might come out in an OCD manner. If she doesn't want counseling have you talk to her medical doctor and see if he can help. Otherwise just try to talk with her and tell her how you feel. Don't use a lot of "you" statement tho, tell her how you feel with "I" statements, that way she wont feel like you are attacking her. Say something like "I feel like I need to help more but I don't know what will help so that you feel like you can enjoy life." Or something to that effect. Wish you the best!
She has to make this change herself - just be thankful you have a wife who is so clean. There are just so many slobs in this world. To find a 'cleaner' is rare.
My daugher-in-law was like that; I say once because it nearly drove my son and their three girls nuts until they went out and bought an indoor dog.
she needs to see a doctor.
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